Nicola Beckett on BANANAS
7 minutes ago
In the grate, the shivering flames
hungrily wrap their lips around logs
The boards above me creek
my wife haunting somewhere
the baby's hands reach out
wave before its sleeping eyes
The wind is howling...
The smiles on our faces as we galloped down the aisle
making sense of scattered photograph moments
but I can't remember why
can't think of anything but waiting
and doing everything...
Sunday 2nd December 2018 2:32 pm
Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies
Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown
These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbings ...
Tuesday 27th November 2018 11:58 pm
I see creatures in the dark
Are they monsters?
I whisper lie
And they whisper truth
I open my eyes
When did the tears come?
I lay awake, dreaming of light
All I see are shadows
The creatures wait
I hear screaming in the dark
Is it me?
I want to say monster
But instead I close my mouth
Can anyone hear?
My sound is trappe...
Wednesday 24th October 2018 8:32 pm
Tell me how am I supposed to end this?
This feeling in my stomach, is it endless?
I can't say that any of this makes sense,
but this has got me feeling apprehensive.
In my brain all I get is emotional feedback.
It always makes me take a few steps back.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain.
I can feel the static flow through my veins.
I'm trying to end the ringing in my ear.
A sound lik...
Wednesday 12th September 2018 2:23 pm
When I try to sleep, I remember all my fears,
And every mistake I've made in the past five years.
My heart feels heavy, alone in a crowded room.
Suffocating claustrophobia, will this be over soon?
This is exhausting, trying to win this fight.
Hand over mouth, nothing's felt so right.
I'm running out of breath, I can't make this climb.
Chasing down the clock, seems I'm out of time.
Tuesday 11th September 2018 2:13 pm
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
That's all I can say for now.
You're selfish, you're heartless and nobody wants you around.
Why would anyone ever like a selfish cow like you.
An inconvenience, a burden and a terrible person to be, too.
I wish I could forgive you but I can't stand your sound.
You're pathetic, you're ugly...please just don't come around.
You can cover your ears and deny w...
Monday 27th August 2018 10:31 pm
Whenever the bell rings.
Time to change so soon?
Oh thankyou for the gloom
Its not like I needed mental room
I'll just listen to your tune.
Is it time for bed,
Or are you not done yet?
This endless strain of thoughts
Feeling like I'm making a case In front of the courts
Barely awake, but barely conscious?
You'll wish you'd had your bedroom blessed
Wednesday 22nd August 2018 5:24 pm
It's hard when you're always lying,
Always hiding the way you feel.
Losing your sight on truthful words,
Forgetting what is real.
It's hard when you forget to laugh
And you're scared that someone might see.
Hoping no one saw your face,
As you struggle to remember how to breathe.
It's hard to pretend you're happy,
And you're terrified someone might ask.
It's becoming harder every day;
Friday 17th August 2018 8:40 am
You think you rule this whole damn town
But I can tell you for sure, I'm stealing the crown
You may have won before, but I won't back down
I deserve to finally be free now.
You walk with attitude, like women in heeled shoes
But it doesn't take a genius to know you haven't got a clue
You fought well though, so don't feel blue
When you see the tables turning, against you.
You think you r...
Saturday 11th August 2018 10:41 pm
I'm running away scared
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.
How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it
I'm shaking but holding on tight
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...
Sunday 22nd July 2018 1:07 pm
Performing an intrusion
Could damage the illusion
Leading to the forgone conclusion
That I might just lose you.
Thursday 21st June 2018 8:41 pm
I'm lying on the bathroom floor again
Heavy breathing, I got pills in my hand
Shaking and waiting for the sandman
To take me to sleep so you can understand
This is not a claim to fame
Only an attempt for you to remember my name
When you see me in the headlines saying "He wasn't okay"
Oh you miss me now? Ain't that a shame.
I'm not coming back, there is no replay
You can't take ba...
Wednesday 20th June 2018 1:59 pm
You try to escape the demons
But they latch on way too tight,
Their claws digging into my body
And mind, with all their might.
Fighting is exhausting,
It physically and mentally drains.
But still I endure it, hoping
One day I will finally escape the pain.
Tuesday 19th June 2018 10:05 pm
Every moment to fear,
Forever holding back internal tears.
Life- so complicated,
The world too big, too scary,
my mind so full of queries.
Never certain, never happy,
each decision could be deadly.
An escapes impossible,
every outcomes implausible.
Sinking under water,
Always being taken for a martyr.
The pain runs so deep,
Barely able to ...
Sunday 17th June 2018 11:34 pm
My hands is where it starts
The heat of the fire
My fingers betrayed me
Now with a mind
Of their own
They torment me
Driving me insane
My heart starts to race
A speed my body isn’t
My blood runs everywhere
With a temperature
Way too high
They torture me
Crippling my movements
Friday 4th May 2018 12:50 am
I rely on sleep
It’s the only thing
To keep thoughts at bay
Hours when my mind
Releases its grip
That strangles my sanity
Now, in its own
Sick and twisted way
Keeps sleep at bay
My mind is evolving
Tightening its grip
And slaughtering my sanity
Thursday 3rd May 2018 1:03 pm
I have recently read
That pain is the hardest
Situation a human can
Try to explain.
If that’s so,
Is fear considered
To be pain?
Does pain have to
Be a broken bone?
A head ache?
A tight chest?
Is pain not
The anxiety of waiting
For everything to fit?
Is pain not
The force of trying
to piece together
two completely different
puzzles to become one?
I can never...
Tuesday 1st May 2018 3:46 pm
your toothy grin
is only cotton
trying to blow down this brick
house I have crafted
you were included in the blueprint
until I started changing
and now you're waiting for
an open door
Monday 23rd April 2018 8:33 pm
It’s almost as if you’ve been
you can take a breath
without feeling yourself
Cement is no longer
running through your veins
slowing every movement,
because now it is only gravel.
Your head is now
not filled with buzzing static,
the distant sound of
electric storm clouds.
You are finally se...
Monday 23rd April 2018 8:09 pm
Please tell me if
Please tell me now
Have I suffered enough
Have I fallen to the ground
It feels like I’m falling still
I’ve cried for help haven’t I
Was I not that loud
Do I even deserve the help
Guess I’ll just shut my mouth
I’m not okay
Please just tell me I’m not
It won’t be fine
Friday 30th March 2018 4:45 pm
Loves just a feeling
It often changes
It may go quick and crash
Or keep you waiting
It's a good high
But the fall is pretty harsh
I wouldn't want to get hurt
I'm not too fond of goodbyes
People say I haven't tried it
And thus should with them
For that I spew excuses
And yet they still go at it
I don't believe anything could ever last...
Friday 30th March 2018 4:43 pm
You're so annoying
And so distasteful
You won't stop talking
I hate you very much
When the rain has finally come
You'll sparkle like the sun
And when I'm working
You'll go…right ahead and call me
You drive me crazy
I think I've gone insane
I just want to be lazy
But you'll drag me out to play
People say I ain't perfect
But you'll ...
Friday 30th March 2018 4:39 pm
Yknow its been awhile
Since ive dreamt a good dream
Most are just filled with running
Abuse drowned out by screams
And ok maybe this was not too different
Here, I ran from screams too
But the most significant
Was that I didn't bother to leave you
It's been awhile, yknow
Since I've typed out my feelings
I don’t know why I stopped
It must be the ...
Friday 30th March 2018 4:36 pm
They’re closing in
I’m trapped between
No glimpse of life
Outside of these
They’re moving slowly
Closer to me
Moving to kill
Try to break them
They will not yield
Tuesday 20th March 2018 6:58 pm
my anxiety is a burden I can no longer carry
bones and muscles this weak were not designed for this
I was not born for this
like the ocean, my anxiety washes over me
soaking each tissue of my being
forever drowning without being able to come up for air
I am not defined by my mental health
or by the tremurs or leaks that escape from my body
but often sometimes...
Tuesday 13th March 2018 2:07 pm
She has dark days and dark nights, and bright days and starry skies. He was diluting the darkness into brightness. But then he became annoyed at her darkness and started to see it all the time even when it wasn’t there. He would poke and prod for it, he was finding boxes of darkness that didn’t exist until he started creating them and suddenly she had more to carry than she realised. He was shouti...
Monday 12th March 2018 12:19 am
Don't call it a comeback
My depressions been here for years
I still smoke myself to sleep
And calm my anxiety with 3 or more beers
It's just goes to show
That I should stay in my lane
I stare at the bottom of an empty bottle
Just to focus on something other than pain
I knew it'd come back
I knew it was too good to be true
Depression isn't a state of mind
It's something that controls you
Friday 2nd March 2018 3:12 pm
So sharp and so cunning
Is the pain that run through me,
Hideous yet so stunning.
I want to keep it here,
I want to feel it's cold aching
Blood spilling from me
My heart is still breaking
What if I want it to stop?
Please, leave me alone!
It'll be there. Waiting.
For me to decay down to bones.
Maybe that's what I wa...
Thursday 15th February 2018 9:55 pm
Put on my pants
Put on a show
Fake a smile
No one will know
Don't show weakness
Fake my emotions
Bury my anxiety
Just go with the motions
I gotta play fast
Need to sing out of tune
Because don't you know
Punk Rockers Don't Sing The Blues
Friday 2nd February 2018 2:43 pm