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raypool

Tue 31st Jan 2017 21:24

Excellent Paul. In detail: enriching can mean spiritual nourishment or in a mineral sense , both options here.

Detritus of dead writers , a clever play on words(inspired) and also a kind of negation to the first line, though in a mineral sense complementary., so that's important.

A poet's graveyard, somewhere to be respected as being the focal point of both possibilities.

I hope I havn't missed anything!
A worthy addition to your catalogue, or should I say catafalque. oops!

Comment is about HAIKU: Dead Poets Society (blog)

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Louise Hogg

Tue 31st Jan 2017 21:19

Trevor I really like this. It touches on a stream of conscience that I often feel when writing.
If this is personal thoughts at the moment then it's clear your mind may feel blank but you have wonderful words to describe it.

Louise

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Alexandra Rockwell Lorenz

Tue 31st Jan 2017 21:16

Thank you, Juan. Your comments are always a cheerful thing to see.

Have a good one.

Alex

Comment is about Stormy Weather (blog)

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Louise Hogg

Tue 31st Jan 2017 21:13

Thanks Colin.

Comment is about The Sand Man (blog)

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elPintor

Tue 31st Jan 2017 21:10

Hello, Martin,

They say anger can be a powerful tool for change. But, while we seem to never fall short on emotion, people can seem awfully quick to sacrifice proper foresight for the sake of group mentality. Anyhow, there are still people who manage to do what's right with neither the support of others nor the promise of reward.

To me, your piece brings up a great question about the meaning of personal integrity. We hear people say, "you never know what you would do in that situation." Well, for me, that's only a call not to judge others. But, I really believe that if you never ask yourself any tough questions and decide their answers, you may never get the opportunity to keep your own word and opt for the hard way. The hardest person to live with can be yourself.

elP

ps
sorry for getting off subject, but your poem did bring all of that up to me.

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Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 31st Jan 2017 20:36

Thanks a lot for clearing things up for me Jeff and Alex. Really appreciate to hear the interpretation of the poem from the poet who wrote it.

Comment is about My attempt (blog)

Original item by Alexandra Rockwell Lorenz

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Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 31st Jan 2017 20:33

Your poems always amaze me.
It is very hard to pinpoint who is the persona of this poem at first.I felt like it was a cloud all along but it wasn't until you confirmed it in the last two lines that I was at ease with my inference.
Great piece as usual Alex.

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Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 31st Jan 2017 20:25

Truly captivating...I liked the part about what do the poet call it - unrequited love, tragic, a one way romance - all of these came to mind...
Great piece David.

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Rich

Tue 31st Jan 2017 20:09

Strong stuff. About someone making that change. I like the positive strength you articulate and portray so well.

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 19:58

I think that takes the biscuit Ray πŸ˜‚

Comment is about CURSORY RHYME (blog)

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elPintor

Tue 31st Jan 2017 19:57

Please pardon me, David, but I somehow had the idea that "Tumbledown" was figurative. Now that my I've been relieved of my ignorance, I found this...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Mount_Tumbledown

As an American, I have little knowledge of the Falklands War. It only so happens that I just finished a chapter of a book that spends a few pages describing the lead-up and the possible reasons behind the strategies of Argentina's Galtieri and Thatcher.

But, your piece and this article aren't really about that. The article is harrowing. Though, I'm sure it only hints at the real terror of battle. And, your writing casts aside all politics to allow us inside the mind and heart of a human and remind us of war's true cost--something society seems to forget when swept up by jingoistic calls for patriotism and victory.

It's a strong piece that goes a great distance toward explaining that the battle for some isn't over simply because the war is done.

Thanks for sharing, David.

elP x

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 19:56

Yes! Adapt and repost as much as you like Louise. I'm not aware of any rules to the contrary.
C😏L

Comment is about The Sand Man (blog)

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John Coopey

Tue 31st Jan 2017 17:00

I'll let you into a little secret, MC. I've pinched the tune from His Bobness himself. It was his "Only a Hobo".

Comment is about FIVE LAST YEARS (blog)

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Louise Hogg

Tue 31st Jan 2017 16:53

Not too harsh, I love your idea of spitting the sand back, maybe I am just seeing the victims as too submissive.

I am still quite new to this and appreciate the feedback. Do people adapt and repost ever? I would like to work on the feedback.

Comment is about The Sand Man (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 31st Jan 2017 16:10

Sydney, Welcome to WOL. I'm often off line for days. And then have a two-three hour splurge. You have a great attitude that will take you far in writing. Sharing and comparing is a fab way to improve your technique and expand your scope.

'Pilgrim palms' is very good; urges multi-faceted thinking of 'pilgrim'. The connotative power in one word is like a treasure house.

Cynthia

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 31st Jan 2017 16:02

I find myself hearing the sort of thing that Bob Dylan
might have sung about the miners in the eastern states
of America...with some substituted names but keeping the
tune and the style.

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 31st Jan 2017 15:52

But then "bye" is the short form of goodbye, itself a derivative of "God be with you"...
always worth being told, whether the parting is short, long or forever.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 31st Jan 2017 15:50

Julian, I have a question. My POTW for Nov. 20, 2016, has been withdrawn. Is there a reason for that, like I didn't get the info material back in essay form, or on time? I sent what I thought was required - somewhere - God knows where. I'm not on line even weekly, consistently, and I got rattled when I discovered my poem was chosen. It's just odd, having that 'blank'. Especially as I don't know why.

I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. If I ever mean to offend on purpose, it will be very clear. But not likely to ever happen.

Genuinely interested.

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Frances Macaulay Forde

Tue 31st Jan 2017 15:34

Thank you Colin Hill and Juan Pablo Lynch. Appreciate your taking the time to read and comment. Always welcome.

Comment is about Pigs might... (blog)

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John Coopey

Tue 31st Jan 2017 14:31

I could never "dis" the Coal Board. It was good to me, Paul Good wages, pension etc. But it was "of its time". I cannot condone fossil fuels these days.

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raypool

Tue 31st Jan 2017 13:26

Paul, thanks, you do me fulsome justice. I try to be comical sometimes as we all do. Your poem was the inspiration.

Wonderful Col.
Forgive me if I keep this going:

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
to get her doggy a a bone.
Went she bent over
Rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own.

(not mine unfortunately).

Comment is about CURSORY RHYME (blog)

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raypool

Tue 31st Jan 2017 13:22

Nice to get your input, Martin. Your comments are always like a breath of fresh air.

Paul , Thank you. I was there in the fifties albeit young! I noticed that in shops there would be a slightly shutter down attitude to us foreigners with lapsing into Welsh; who knows what was said? It's different today. (more thoughts please).

Cheers, Tom glad you like it.

Colin thanks. What goes around comes around - rain again!

Thank you Rich. It's nice to hit a spot.

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raypool

Tue 31st Jan 2017 13:15

This to me is wonderful David. Reading it carefully, which is increasingly difficult for me on WOL for reasons of concentration, I am finding a whole encapsulation of experience. I notice that there is at last a kind of separation occurring , or at least the desire for one to be expressed. A mastery of description lays down a scorched earth landscape, as if deeply carved in the mind - then the rise up to another dimension altogether. I sense the advance of age as a factor, a moment of acceptance.
Go for it.

Ray x

Comment is about Return to Mount Tumbledown (blog)

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Greg Freeman

Tue 31st Jan 2017 12:59

Cheers for your kind words, Stu, and congratulations on your chapbook and first collection!

Comment is about 'Amazed, and humbled': Steve Pottinger on Write Out Loud nearing its cash appeal target (article)

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Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 31st Jan 2017 12:24

I am with you Frances, Pigs might...Love it. If you don't mind me saying it reminds me of Spirited away, a Japanese animated movie where the protagonist's parents are turned into pigs.

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Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 31st Jan 2017 12:20

Stu, I really liked this Pmurt....It speaks volume in 4 lines...
I think you should try to combine the dark side with a childish sing song rhyme...depending on the lexicon of the poem it may give off an evil idiot vibe or a genius dark lord vibes condescending others.
Once again, great piece.

Juan

Comment is about pmurt (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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Juan Pablo Lynch

Tue 31st Jan 2017 12:00

Great piece.
Mumbo jumbo reminds me of Warner bros Animaniacs, you know those three sibling rabbits. I like it a lot. Thanks for sharing James.

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Stu Buck

Tue 31st Jan 2017 11:09

how did i miss this wonderful character study david. a joy to read. i'm immediately taken to an absinthe bar in montmartre. i can see the guys fingers. brilliant.

Comment is about The murder at Fleet ditch (Death of a Frenchman) (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

Travis Brow

Tue 31st Jan 2017 10:53

Hello David, sometimes we get so close to our work that we either lose sight of it, or swear we've got it right. It's a cracking poem; i'm envious...

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Stu Buck

Tue 31st Jan 2017 10:46

thanks paul! i rarely rhyme, i havent the skill for it really and i find the stuff i like to write is too dark for a sing song melody (rhyme is so much more i understand but it really doesnt appeal to me), but this just popped in to my head this morning. im currently working on something delicious dark and sordid to rebalance.

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mr james bowness

Tue 31st Jan 2017 10:36

Great poem, you described half the world here, keep it up. we all got demons.

Comment is about Be Honest, Live True (blog)

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Paul Waring

Tue 31st Jan 2017 10:10

Fantastic poem John, a great read that describes so well the physical demands on mine workers and how they must have felt after all those years of grind. Heartfelt stuff. Thanks for sharing this.

Paul

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John Coopey

Tue 31st Jan 2017 10:01

It's a phase we men go through for the whole of our lives.

Comment is about Excuses (blog)

Original item by Aishah

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John Coopey

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:55

You could say we all got to retire early in the end, Trevor.

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Paul Waring

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:49

Thank you so much for your congratulations Frances.

Thank you so very much Stu, I couldn't ask for a more glowing tribute, I'm completely hillocked and horlicked at the moment!...not just by your kind, encouraging words but also because I'm so chuffed to have been awarded POTW. Thanks again, and bravo to you, you are a true gent.

Paul

Comment is about 'People Watching' by Paul Waring is Write Out Loud's Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:41

I believe you are in Perth down under Chris.

I was just reading a travel article about Australia in which the journalist took in the vast extent of the Milky Way whilst visiting Uluru. He said the 'Aboriginal Yolngu people believe it's a gigantic river, and that when they die, they are taken there by a mystical canoe.'

Nice to read your piece after coming across that, wherever your forest might be. Thanks for posting. Colin.

Comment is about Sleeping in a Forest (blog)

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Paul Waring

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:37

See Stu, you can do the rhyming thing!

That Pmurt, eh, what a tihs....

BTW, please let me thank you again for writing such a kind and warm tribute about my POTW and my writing in general. You are a giant gem of a gent (or diamond geezer, whichever you prefer!).

Paul

Comment is about pmurt (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:28

Some clever wordplay Raj. I like the green card to red. One thing's for sure - Trump has inspired many poems and I suspect there will be many more to come. Strange days indeed. I think he has a few more cards up his sleeve yet to play. He certainly enjoys the game. Take it easy. Col.

Comment is about It takes one shattering Trump Card (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

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Paul Waring

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:23

Hi Ray, I just want to thank you again for writing and posting Cursory Rhyme (fantastic title). I am deeply touched that you wrote it with my missing poems story in mind and the dedication was a lovely touch. Mike Hubbard genuinely made me laugh out loud (a LoL on WoL!), and I kept grinning for ages after.

Thank you my friend, I'll remember this thoughtful gesture.

Paul

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:18

Nice one Ray, and Paul's reply too. Can I add my own to the mix, this from a couple of years back:

Old Mother Hubbard
Shat in her cupboard
Which is why she is now in a home.
The care she gets there
Is mainly threadbare
And now she feels more on her own.

Comment is about CURSORY RHYME (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Paul Waring

Tue 31st Jan 2017 09:10

Thanks Juan Pablo, for all your comments about this piece. It's not my usual fare, it's just my take on the concept of faith and how people might be beginning to think differently about it. I thank you for saying this is truly thought provoking because that is what I hoped it would be.

Thanks to you too, Col. Astute comment. Bullseye! πŸ‘

Paul

Comment is about A Question of Faith (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 08:50

Couldn't agree more Paul. I could write more but tbh don't wanna get into this debate so I shall leave you to it 😈

But...Your last verse does kinda sum up my mantra for life and it does beg the question: if one person can live their life this way then why is it not possible for all of humanity to coexist equally without the need for gods? πŸ˜‡

Comment is about A Question of Faith (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 08:34

Words from beyond the grave - always an odd literary concept. If 'I' became 'He' would it make more sense? I like the poem nonetheless. Thanks for posting James.

Comment is about Little people ( in my head ) (blog)

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 08:27

I can't decide whether I like this or not. It's as if you have freeze framed one of those detective crime thriller serials that fill up our television schedules. I don't watch any of them, not even the clever Scandies that everyone harps on about. People murdering on TV has become such the norm that we now take for granted its true horror.

This is not a criticism of your writing or your ability to write creatively. Perhaps for me the problem is in the very description, for this depicts a scene as if freeze framed, as mentioned above. I'd personally like to see something added, an extra edge, humour or perhaps some kind of continuance. Here is my take on the last line as a possible example:

But the corpse spat sand back in his eyes.

Gosh I hope I'm not being too harsh Louise. I love your dark imagination and there is certainly a place here on WoL for this style of writing. I'd be interested to know what you thought of my waffles - this morning topped with poisoned maple syrup! Oh, and here's an interesting article I found whilst making my waffles. All the best and thanks for getting me thinking. CπŸ˜€L

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20910859

Comment is about The Sand Man (blog)

Original item by Louise Hogg

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 07:43

Love that last line Francis especially 'take a butchers'. Always good to see a bit of CRS in poems. CπŸ˜ƒL

Comment is about Pigs might... (blog)

Original item by Frances Macaulay Forde

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Colin Hill

Tue 31st Jan 2017 07:39

Glad you liked my sample poem LB. Hope you enjoy spending time here on WoL, it's a great learning resource with lots of excellent writers covering diverse styles and themes. All the best, Colin.

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Stu Buck

Tue 31st Jan 2017 07:22

lovely piece steve/greg

i vaguely remember an email going out, which i filed in my mental 'to do' list and then forgot about.

i shall be donating within the week. this site and the people on it are partly (a nicely sized partly as well) responsible for me having a successful chapbook, a first collection and being asked to perform at poetry events around the UK.

I will always be grateful to WOL and its wonderful staff and community.

God, thats enough fawning, it doesnt become me.

Comment is about 'Amazed, and humbled': Steve Pottinger on Write Out Loud nearing its cash appeal target (article)

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Stu Buck

Tue 31st Jan 2017 04:40

lovely stuff paul, you sit atop the WOL hillock for a week and it is richly deserved.

i was fully prepared not to enjoy this, i dislike rhyme in poetry (an odd opinion but mine all the same) but the great use of observation and the wonderful, dark last line brings this piece above the usual sing-song lala work i usually (falsely) assign rhyming poetry.

i hope this gives you a warm, horlicks feeling inside and that you continue to post your excellent work with a new found sense of confidence.

bravo sir.

bravo indeed.

edit - you have infact spurred me on to write my own little rhyming ditty, and in doing so exposed my reasons for disliking rhyme (i am not very good at it)

Comment is about 'People Watching' by Paul Waring is Write Out Loud's Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Frances Macaulay Forde

Tue 31st Jan 2017 04:23

Yes, a tender tribute.
(We lived just up the road from Jameson's original Midleton Brewery 2002/2003 and every morning the smell of the mash put a smile on my face.)
Saw a lot of echoes of my own Irish father in this poem...

Comment is about Last orders (blog)

Original item by David Cooke

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Frances Macaulay Forde

Tue 31st Jan 2017 04:19

Hi again David, just wanted to let you know I did as you said and checked out 'The High Window'. Congratulations , I enjoyed it and will check it often. I also mentioned the press in my Wordpress blog posting: https://francesmacaulayforde.wordpress.com/2017/01/26/wa-writers-festival/
Looking forward to reading more of you words.

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