'Caravan Man'

 ‘Caravan Man’


Caravan, oh, caravan!

You court a certain breed of man.

Who “canvassed” (once), ‘The Great Outdoors’

but now he favours plywood floors!


The lure of towing, out of town.

Of ‘pitching up’ and winding down.

Al-fresco lunches, cups of tea.

Of ‘Vanners’ camararderie.


Reversing in, (if ‘things get tense’)

so often gains an audience.

Circled Campfires: lots to drink. -

Sounds of laughter; glasses ‘chink’!


Time for bed, and good times, had!,

The ‘vanner’, now a ‘boozy lad’

returns to base and staggers in.

It’s bloody hot (- it’s made of tin!)


His bed is still a seat so, he

attempts ‘conversion therapy’.

and (boosted by inebriation)

strives to solve the situation.


Easier said than ever done.

(All part of caravanning ‘fun’!)

‘Cushions-jigsaw’; soon knee-deep,

he has a go, then falls asleep!


As seasons turn, such ‘vanners’ age

and tend to reach another stage.

For some, the change is automatic.

All ‘toured-out’, they buy a static !


And so, devoid of touring-strife,

they settle into ‘static life’.

Flowing water, en-suite loos.

‘Decking-sunsets’, plied with booze.


There’s many things, they’ll never miss

- like ‘porta-loos’ (that ‘take the piss’!)

and awnings raised- whilst partners nag

(so named, ‘Divorces in a Bag’!).


For most, a static’s ‘oh, so nice’.

Their “Bolt-hole, chill-out paradise”!

Yet, some can’t shake that ‘urge to roam’.

‘Ex-static’ - with a motor-home!


◄ 'Hairstray'!

A Fond Farewell ! ►


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John Andrew Nield

Sun 19th May 2019 10:43

Thanks for that, Jason. Glad you enjoyed it.

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John Andrew Nield

Sun 19th May 2019 10:42

Cheers, Jennifer. I'm currently at the 'static' stage ! ?

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jennifer Malden

Sat 18th May 2019 17:49

Hilarious! Some really nice cracks- to read several times! Well done.

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 18th May 2019 17:25

Brilliant, just made me smile from beginning to end.

J. ?

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