Surprise Party!

 

He'd had enough! The pace, too fast.

Found courage to resign (at last).

Escaping from the 'Hell' of Shares and Stocks.

So, Hedge-Fund Dividends in hand,

Simon bought a croft, with land,

nestling between two Scottish lochs.

 

He cherished his ‘now-simple’ life.

No stress (nor ‘higher-maintenance’ wife!)

and not another soul for miles around.

But then a rapping on his door

invoked reality once more

- and possibilities of being found!

 

He opened up (somewhat a-feared)

to face a 'giant' - with a beard.

(This mountain of a man blocked out the light!).

"McTavish is the name", he bawled.

"I'm frae the Glen, and so I've called

to ask ye to a party, Friday night".

 

"That's very kind", young Simon beams.

"I've spent too long alone, it seems.

It's time I got to meet the neighbours here".

"But hae a care, now. I've been thinking,"

warns McTavish. "ye'll be drinking

drams o’ home-made whisky with yer beer!"

 

"Fear not!" smirks Si. "That’s quite ok.

I'm used to drinking, through the day.

I'll hold my own, no matter", he insists.

"That's awfy fine", replied the Scot

"but now I'm hoping that ye'll not

be frightened by the fightin', wi' the fists!"

 

“That sounds like fun, though!” Simon smiled.

“I’ve never been described as ‘mild'

and often been a witness to a brawl.

So, if I suffered an attack

I'm sure I'll give as good, right back".

"Ah, ken," McTavish smiled "but that's not all”.

 

He grinned, "I like yer attitude.

Yet please don't think of me as crude

but what I tell ye noo might make ye 'jumpy'.

For in the Highlands (here's a thing!)

ye'll ken a party's in full swing

when, all aroond, there's lots of 'rumpy-pumpy'!"

 

"McTavish' I'm a London Lad!"

Laughed Si, "We 'cockneys' aren't that bad,

yet, things I've seen could give you quite a turn.

But, then I have an open mind.

Sex doesn't shock me much, you’ll find.

So worry not - and thanks for your concern".

 

"That's fair enough; I've warned ye though."

McTavish smiled and turned to go,

when Simon called him back. "Don't wish to fuss.

But what time would you like me there?"

The Scotsman fixed him with a stare.

"Come when ye like - it's just the two of us!"