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Nuwave & Lager

Kanye's in the news

Talking smack about the Jews

And it reminds me of the time

I

Had to call time

On YOU.

You and your right-wing podcasts

(More like NOBcasts).

 

Let's just rewind-

To the time

When would we spend four hours

Using vivid shades and powders

Of 80's makeup *in* the 80's.

 

Nuwave & lager

Collected at 2am by father

You didn't move muc...

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Alone With My Glass

I don't know HOW MANY TIMES

I have to say the line:

'I collect vintage glass from charity shops'

Because up someone inevitably POPS

To say the idiot phrase:

'There's loads of that on ebay, every single day!!'

And what do I say

By way of return? 

I describe how I yearn

For my beautiful glass treasures

WHATEVER the weather

Does or doesn't do

While I search for pie...

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Don't Mess With Your Elders

Kidder?? your right wing commentary

Means nothing to me. 

I could metaphorically-

Punch out your teeth

With a single blow.

So?

If you *see* that I'm middle aged

It should persuade 

You

To *not* think you can troll

This mid-50's Barbie doll.

You're an amoeba

Brained jerk

Who lurks

In 'moms' basement.

The encasement

Of your brain

With the hardened c...

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Elon Musk Smells Of Wee

I know this because

I once had cause

To be at a fancy affair----wait, pause-

I'll explain:

I'd gotten the train (MANC/LDN)

In the pissing rain (ha! 'wee/piss'.. get it??!? lol)

My brain

Fucking HURT

At the thought

That I ought

To be grateful

And not HATEFUL

(Which I actually WAS)

That my company

Was sending me to some frumpy

Bollocks of a black tie

W...

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Imprint

Recipe for GHOST APPLES:

It's got to be cold,

Then the apple gets old

And wet

Yet 

The apple is still inside the ice.

It's probably not nice-

To slowly turn to mush

Inside what looks like a plush

And fancy ethereal ice-cage

Where no-one can gauge

When the mush starts to drip

From the tip

Of the bottom.

All of the rotten

Apple gone, now forgotten

Apar...

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Tangles

As I look at my new (charity-shop) piece of Murano Glass 

I realise that I've never truly ASKED

The Universe:

'Why do you leave NO-ONE unhurt??!!'

'What is the pur-

pose-

Of this crap-

We attract??'

'Why is it that NO-ONE escapes the tangles??-

No matter how much we WRANGLE-

Our way around issues

Subsume these conditions

And variables?

Life's not like in the ...

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Hideous Gomphidius

Sometimes I think the name 'Joanne' really isn't sufficiently frivolous-

Because just now on telly, I saw a mushroom named 'HIDEOUS GOMPHIDIUS'.

Compared with plain old boring 'Joanne'....HIDEOUS GOMPHIDIUS is very exotic!!

I mean yes, my parents would surely been deemed PSYCHOTIC

If they'd have given me such a name

But who could have blamed 

Them though!!!??

Truly unique!! 

...

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I'm In Hell

I am in HELL

With the SMELL 

Of these foul people

These fucking prosecco drinking SHEEPLE

With money (and a planet) to burn

I will turn

Away

From ANYONE engaging

Because I am fucking raging

At their mindless smalltalk

Their gibberish squalks

YOU can have all the plastic *you* desire

But I'm still in a damn FIRE 

here

In this plastic boat

It really does ...

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There's No YOU There

consciousness seizes images and is seized by sentiment

subconsciousness seizes consciousness, a constriction of liberty

 

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Can You Just Not

For YOU it's fine

You can talk all the time

To this person and that

The old man and his cat

The farmer and his lama

You're good with the drama

These are the conventions

The inventions

Of a society that shrieks

That you're 'bleat-

ing'

If you write.

They are SO full of spite-

fulness.

With their complaints,

Your character they'll taint

'Your writing i...

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#autism #autistic #communication #relationships

This Isn't The Way

It's an old story but not a goodie

Big companies these days treating us like bloody

Walking wallets for their taking

Our nerves they are breaking

Want a contract? no problem!!

Got a problem? Can't talk to 'em!!

Maybe India or Philippines?

Would upper management have even had time for the Queen??

I doubt it very much

They're too busy on the slutch

Playing the role of '...

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Revenge Of Pancake Man

Here's a long story I am going to tell,

About a guest from The Netherlands: 'The Guest From HELL'.

 

A girl of 30

Haughty and shirty

Girlfriend of a relly

Who grew up with no telly.

 

A professional girl with a Burberry scarf-

She never said 'thanks', she never had a larf-

She never cleared her trash, water not 'hot enough' for her bath-

Conversation too boring, sh...

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Hope

***Hope***

I was once at a gig in Las Vegas-
When I witnessed something truly heinous.

Two men in front were chatting
But the younger man himself was batting-

For *the young*,
He was so strung-
Out on the idea that the second man
Had the damn
Nerve to be at a Nine Inch Nails gig
While wearing a long grey wig!! (??).


Turned out it was the older guys ACTUAL HAIR-
But that didn'...

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Why Is Donald Trump?

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT dumb?

Yes. 

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT ugly, inside and out?

Yes. 

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT racist?

Yes. 

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT conman-y?

Yes. 

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT cruel?

Yes. 

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT opportunisitc?

Yes.

Is it *possible* that someone's THAT sa...

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Wavelengths

He's on another wavelength to me-

This little guy.

Sat sunning himself, humming to himself-

Thinking to himself-

Making peace with himself.

Not because he's a bad beetle-boy

Quite the opposite!!

He's been *such* a good beetle-boy.

Doing his thing,

Flying here, flying there-

Flying nearly almost everywhere-

Within his purview.

But he's worried.

How hot is it?

...

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Wavelengths

He's on another wavelength to me-

This little guy.

Sat sunning himself, humming to himself-

Thinking to himself-

Making peace with himself.

Not because he's a bad beetle-boy

Quite the opposite!!

He's been *such* a good beetle-boy.

Doing his thing,

Flying here, flying there-

Flying nearly almost everywhere-

Within his purview.

But he's worried.

How hot is it?

...

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Discussions

‘But he came to see us!!’

She said, trying not to kick up a fuss—

‘Surely we can at least say hello—

Before they go!!’

 

The Disturbance Leader cast her a glance:

‘We are not here to DANCE—

On command

Just because someone’s paid several grand

To be fancy at the Malangen Resort, on that there piece of land’.

 

(He pointed with his luminous green finger down at the p...

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Discussions

‘But he came to see us!!’

She said, trying not to kick up a fuss—

‘Surely we can at least say hello—

Before they go!!’

 

The Disturbance Leader cast her a glance:

‘We are not here to DANCE—

On command

Just because someone’s paid several grand

To be fancy at the Malangen Resort, on that there piece of land’.

 

(He pointed with his luminous green finger down at the p...

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An Hour In Time

The year 1620

The place--White Mountain

The time, 11am—

And we see again

Two sides ready to fight

Not for the right

'To party'

But for religion—

With only a SMIDGEON

Of a difference between the two types--

Of the same creed—

And yet their rulers feel the need—

To have this battle

Using men like cattle.

 

Within an hour

All were cowering

At the sig...

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Uranium Boy

When you look at something

And it’s nothing

Look again

It's not nothing. 

 

And maybe one day

You’ll see--

More of what could be--

Hidden by the limitations

Of your own senses.

 

 

Either way, I introduce you all

To one of my glass-children called

‘Spooky Bastard’.

 

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The BIG FACTOID

If I don’t get to listen to a daily podcast

I’m operating on my very last

Nerve as far as patience goes.

 

God only knows

Where the information flows

To once it’s gone *into* my head--

Led

There by the master scientists.

 

And yes, I CAN usually get the gist

Of what they have to say

On my podcast days.

 

Usually there will be one

Factoid that captures m...

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Always A Student

I learned two new things today

And I must say

Both were fun--

As the sun

Shone down on Wales

(Which isn't the typical state of affairs here!!). 

 

The first factoid

Was not to avoid

Buying items made in Italy

Painted prettily

But oddly shaped

(In this case, a vase with completely unintelligible angles). 

 

Because as it turns out

Abstract pottery has so...

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I Can't Get Over The Beauty

It's a bit much to say: 'I would DIE for this glass'

But yes, I *would* definitely die for this glass.

The class!!

The PIZZAZZ!! 

 

You know what I *wouldn't* do tho--

I wouldn't go

Past £40 for each piece,

And it's better when it's the least.

 

It's Chribska Glass, founded in 1515--

In Bohemia,

And FOUND by me, yesterday, in Cirencester--

While dropping off ...

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What Does Autism Look Like?

It looks like a person who has loved the same music since she was 12—

And who is on her way *to* a gig, where the same style of music is being played, decades later.

 

It looks like a person who has loved geology since she can remember.

It looks like a person who has loved being alone since she can remember--

(with perhaps one or two friends, who were probably unnecessary in the bro...

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The Womble-Jo Of Wales, I Am

The thought

That went into the item bought—

Ought

To be appreciated

Really.

 

You don’t KNOW—

(Or care) how much dough

A gift (with tags still attached!!) you throw

Away, or give to Oxfam

Cost.

 

On the other hand—

Myself and my merry band

Of charity shop grand

Sifters, will easily locate your discarded

Item.

 

And we’ll buy it—

Because (as ...

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Pink Ghost-Shoes

On the edge of some woodland, there was a hill

And it was brill—

Near where I grew up til age 18, in Manchester.

 

Its gradient

WAS radiant.

And we loved nothing more

Than whizzing down

For more

Speed

On our bikes

Freed

From the constraints of our kid-bods

(Which granted, were a LOT LESS constraining than our adult bods!)

But nonetheless.

Kid-bod + two ...

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My Ameriglish Girl

My British human child lives in Oregon

Where she practices her Ameriglish on a daily basis.

Quite convincingly so.

 

My West German pottery children live in Wales

Where they practice being beautiful on a daily basis.

Also convincingly.

 

My human child doesn’t need to practice being beautiful

She perfected that art on the day she arrived.

 

But my West German potte...

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Desideratum

 

She lives on the wall of my lounge

In the wilds of Wales

Where I’ve lovingly tried to nifidicate

A place

For her carved ceramic being.

But it's petty and unremarkable--

And truly not enough.

 

Unworthy of the tales--

That are hers alone to tell.

 

The consanguineous nature of her heritage

Weighing down heavily--

And unliberated---

In yellow and blue.

...

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Paul

My best friend died

A horrible death—

—but expected.

 

He said he ‘didn’t like the look of me’

When I walked into our shared workplace,

And I was rejected—-

 

by him—on the basis that I was Northern

And he was Southern

And those two things ARE so very different (let’s not pretend or soft-soap it).

 

I was his boss and he was my cute little underling.

Helping ...

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