I know this because

I once had cause

To be at a fancy affair----wait, pause-

I'll explain:

I'd gotten the train (MANC/LDN)

In the pissing rain (ha! 'wee/piss'.. get it??!? lol)

My brain

Fucking HURT

At the thought

That I ought

To be grateful

And not HATEFUL

(Which I actually WAS)

That my company

Was sending me to some frumpy

Bollocks of a black tie

WHERE I WAS SURELY GOING TO CRY.....& THEN.....JUST.... DIE

Of the cringe and the bile.

Those fuckers have NO STYLE

But all the while

I'm paid to forebear and smile (grr).

When in walks this rando pile

Of UTTER shite,

Who looked like a right

Dickhead.

Ded cocky

Faux troll-shocky

His attempts 

Falling FLAT (like his hair)

On their arse

The fucking farce!!

The la-di-daaa's-

Sucking up til they'd swallowed **HIS** WHOLE ARSE (and probably his scrotum.. IF he has one.. which he doesn't... BUT IF HE DID!!)

I pondered heading for the door

But then Musk walked acoss the floor

To me.

And yes,

He smelled

OF WEE.