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What Does Autism Look Like?

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It looks like a person who has loved the same music since she was 12—

And who is on her way *to* a gig, where the same style of music is being played, decades later.

 

It looks like a person who has loved geology since she can remember.

It looks like a person who has loved being alone since she can remember--

(with perhaps one or two friends, who were probably unnecessary in the broader scheme of things).

 

It looks like a person who is never bored.

It looks like a person who can write a million pages in one afternoon.

It looks like a person who will cross the road to avoid a short conservation with a neighbour.

It looks like a person who won’t go to the same post-office again, even it if means now having to drive—

Because the person in the first post office---very sweetly engaged her in a superficial conversation about the weather.

 

It looks like a person who will believe you and take you at face value (despite her intellect).

It looks like a person with very little hidden agenda, if any (what's the point of a hidden agenda?).

It looks like a person who doesn’t care even 1% about Netflix (or anything like it).

It looks like a person who is obsessed with Leonard Susskind and never wants him to die.

 

It looks like a person who cannot provide an academic reference for a Ph.D programme—

Because none of her university tutors really knew who she was—

Because she skipped a high % of lectures in favour of working alone from textbooks in the library-

This is a true story.

Of a ghost

But this time, a ghost by choice, and not because she came off her bike in Manchester.

 

It looks like a person who hates superficiality and corrosive petty societal norms.

It looks like a person who (when trapped proximally) may want to engage you immediately in a conversation about the things not supposed to be spoken about by a woman: politics, world events, religion, the rise of the right, and yes, Leonard Susskind.

 

It looks like a person who is regularly deemed ‘mysterious’, when she actually isn't.

It looks like a person who is frequently misunderstood, often in bad ways, for no concrete reason.

It looks like a person who is happiest when self-absorbed in her own head.

It looks like a person who loves podcasts.

It looks like a person who is never bored BECAUSE the world is full of interesting facts.

It looks like a person who, when betrayed, doesn't comprehend THE POINT of betrayal.

 

It looks like a person who struggles to understand sociopaths.

How can *anyone* lack empathy for another human being?

It looks like a person who doesn’t know how ‘a lack of empathy’ EVER made it into the diagnostic criteria *for* autism.

It looks like a person who would like to find the idiot who added 'lack of empathy for others' TO the diagnostic criteria---and chat to them about it.

At length. 

 

It looks like a person.

It looks like me.

And I’m not lacking in empathy.

For anyone.

I'm just not a 'people person'.

◄ The Womble-Jo Of Wales, I Am

I Can't Get Over The Beauty ►

Comments

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Stephen Atkinson

Fri 13th May 2022 22:43

We are who we are, Jo, we have to just embrace it.
And Olbers paradox, I've often thought that exact thing lol, didn't know it had a name though 😅 🌈

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John Botterill

Thu 12th May 2022 20:35

A truly amazing poem, Jo. I love the clear-eyed honesty of your writing. A real tonic to read! 😀

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Stephen Gospage

Thu 12th May 2022 20:30

A really impressive poem, Jo. A fascinating read.

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Jo Callisto

Thu 12th May 2022 19:45

Thanks Ursula!! 😊😊

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Jo Callisto

Thu 12th May 2022 19:45

Ha yes Stephen, I DID used to watch Quantum Leap. It was such a fun show. But I love cosmology documentaries these days. They're a GREAT antidote to real world stuff. I enjoy pondering on the really big questions like... there's one called Olbers Paradox.... and it's something like: IF the universe is INFINITE (and has been there forever)... then *why* is the night sky.... not FULL OF LIGHT?? It *would* be full of light.... if it had been there... forever, even tho stars do die.... because the light from **all the stars** would still be travelling and the sky would just be one massive light ball. But it's not. <--which, I find totally fascinating tbh. And I also LOVE the law of conservation of mass, where matter cannot be destroyed, it can only change down to its smaller iterations.

Hey, your wife does great work then by the sounds of it. I did similar things at break times. Sometimes I just used to stand in a toilet for the whole break time. It sounds SO sad--but I was kind of.. in my element, lol.. truly.. 😂😂

<Deleted User> (32907)

Wed 11th May 2022 21:12

Absolutely brilliant, Jo! It sounds like a very interesting person to me. Love it.💕

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Stephen Atkinson

Wed 11th May 2022 18:33

A fascinating & eye opening read, Jo. My wife works at a ' special ' school for kids with all manner of kids with, so called difficulties. Quite a few on the autism 'spectrum' There's a boy who sits facing the wall at break time so he doesn't catch anyone's eye
in case he has to speak. Very introverted, but intelligent & happy in his own company. Is that a problem?
Had to Google Susskind, sounds right up my street. Except I have no idea what it means... And, I have to ask, did you ever used to watch Quantum Leap ( The very accurate TV programme - and don't say it wasnt)😁

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