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The iPhone of Beelzebub

I've stolen Beelzebub's iphone, now I know the numbers of his friends 

he's stuck for eternity without Facebook, oh how his hell never ends

I nicked St Peter's Kindle, now his words of wisdom are unsaid

Because I changed the password on his account, from Heaven swear words are sent

I hacked into Moses' iPad, now it's a tablet of stone

I wiped every file from the hard drive and chang...

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Free Poetry Book

Well when I say book I mean a pdf file that is readable on Kinfle, iBooks etc.

If you'd like a copy of my latest missive, Scratch, send me an email with Scratch as the title tp


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You Can’t Get Tits on a Kindle – an ode to Generation OMG

You can't get tits on a kindle,

so put that Amazon one down.

Your materialistic bullshit

truly does make me frown.


I got by on handmedown clothes,

chick sticks and Aldi own brand.

You really look silly with that massive phone kid,

it's bigger than your hand.


To me COD was a special chippy tea

on a Wednesday night, granddad got it for me.


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Sweet Spring rain
on my lips –
the cracks in a wall

Thrush on the ground
next to the sycamore branch
Still bobbing

black ice –
another makeshift shrine
at the roadside


from 'Haiku' - a new collection

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