You can't get tits on a kindle,

so put that Amazon one down.

Your materialistic bullshit

truly does make me frown.

 

I got by on handmedown clothes,

chick sticks and Aldi own brand.

You really look silly with that massive phone kid,

it's bigger than your hand.

 

To me COD was a special chippy tea

on a Wednesday night, granddad got it for me.

And instead of begging my mum for games to buy,

we'd have the video shop and I'd have a try.

 

You can't get tits on a kindle,

and you're too young to be wanting poon.

The closest you'll get to sticky sheets

is the epilogue of Mills and Boon.

 

So put that kindle down,

and invest in a good old fashioned book.

And if you really can't go without a pair of tits,

the Karma Sutra shows you how to fuck.