Hello Lauretta

Lovely to meet you!

The ingredient's for the disturbed - Extreme Catharsis is what I'd call it. And I mean that in the most positive way.

As a piece of automatic writing it's absolutely exceptional. It feels like there's a lot of purification going on in there, and that's not a bad thing.

The repetition reminded me of Ginsberg's best work. Sometimes repetition leaves me a bit cold (like going for an obvious rhyme), but it's used really effectively here. I think that's probably because the tone of the poem feels like an enormous emotional release - which is why I had to continue to read. Much the same way that one must crane one's neck to observe car crashes, despite one's better nature.

I agree with Jeff, there's about three separate poems in here. The subject matter may be a little too raw (and emotionally exhausting!) to revisit though.

Having said that, your first stanza is a stunner. It'd be a crime against poetry if you don't revisit that.

Excellent stuff, Ms de Mar.

Steve

Comment is about The ingredient’s for the disturbed (blog)

Hello, Steve

Sound like a perfect reflection of a lively city seen by eyes of a poet. You just painted the picture in this poem about the views of that city life in a specific time of the day.

Great work!

Zuzanna

Comment is about Perfect City (blog)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

HI, Scott

Great write you created here I like the picture of your little one riding on your shoulders, great souvenir poem. Thank you for sharing. Loved your write.

Kind Regards,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Wrong Name (blog)

HI, Paul

I do not agree that Rhyme is dead! I love poems that have the rhyme. It is great to read the different kind and styles in writing, do not your style with rhyme to die...Thanks for sharing, very nice poem!

Kind Regards,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Rhyme Is Dead!!!!!!!!!!!!! (blog)

Original item by Paul H Tubb

Hello, Pete

I feel a lot of emotions through out your poem. There are feelings of certain thoughts that have not being expressed and feelings of lessons that you father was trying to impose on you so you can learn what he knew from that point of time. I love your write. All parents try their best for the children, you are not alone. I miss my parents because they died young...The Dedication poem is very nice. One day you will return to this poem again and read with adoration...You only will know when this day comes to read it again.

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Oh God no! I love the rhyme, it cant be dead, it does take talent, it is important.When is the funeral? God No, not dead? Love the poem!

Comment is about Rhyme Is Dead!!!!!!!!!!!!! (blog)

Original item by Paul H Tubb

HI peter, No hes not super man. My dad is not either. But we love them. They teach, what they know. I loved the poem very much. I remember seeing similar lessons, and teaching them, to my kids. I try not to kill anything, even the bugs. I dont know about your dad, but mine loves calls from me and the kids, seems he lives for talk. He tells me I will understand some day, when Im old and alone. I do understand already to a point. We must let go of the wrong, and embrace what was right.Our parents loved us and did the best that they could, and knew to do. I loved this poem, it made me happy for you.thanks

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Hi Jordan,
Your poem reminds me of one of those rare, expensive pieces of china figurines one would buy at an antique fayre or pottery factory.

There is a good likeness in the lines of your write in comparison with the painting of an old mans portrait.

Love Janet.xx

Comment is about The Aged (blog)

Original item by Jordan

Hello Pete,
I agree with Darren, which makes a change.
Your poem tells a wonderful, yet true to life story of how a Father affects his childs outlook on life. Also the fantastic memories of those moments in the shed which can never be altered.
Then the first 5 lines of the last stanza, say everything. For me anyway.

Love Janet.xx

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Is the analogy between the dove and an owl deliberate?

Great topical, political ( almost an anagram here) piece Antonionioni.
Love Janet.xx

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Scott.
Nice poem.Like the idea about the folded up picture.Spring loaded backing to the picture.Nice.
Should have been on the cd, we both have some faded picture poems.

Like Lauretta said in the howcroft, respect, but still hurt by some things

Good Work.I do like this poem.

Comment is about Wrong Name (blog)

This is one of those journey poems that I always find easy to jump along and enjoy. The thing I enjoy in particular with journey poems (as I call them) is you get a refreshing break from your own world and see the journey through the writer, in this case Steve I'm taken thru oxford rd, Manchester. Sure thats not where you set it, but I know youve come from suburbia into the city and what I see in this poem is your one line observations. The repeat of 'i'ts' sets the pace. It has become the mantra throughout . Theres loads of imagery here, and I like to decipher such lines as 'vessels along paths that defy compass readings' , the trams perhaps to the 'city'
a vessel half empty perhaps, at least of bursting life. SOme people dead on arrival perhaps.

you write as though you wish to be disconnected from it, I think that your interpretation of your surroundings is as interesting as the actual observation, that's what intrigues me.

the only word I would change is 'morning'
actually no.
actually yes
no
I have no right to alter, I suppose to be pure to the author, you would need to alter the entire first verse, I just reckon that by adding mystery of the time of day it would make it fun

as mornings are normally pitch black in winter!
if you gotta get into town for 9 the latest.

'footfall to fathom' is great line a guessing game of who has got up in the house as the creak and slam a door on the day

great mini travelougue

have you tried a condensed performance version
could have an alternate mini version, punchy to hit em hard, keep this little gem Steve

xxxx

let em work out when it is......

Pete x

Comment is about Perfect City (blog)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Hi Darren, thanks
I read it back, needs some abridgement, enough there to salvage it though. theres some stuff i would cut, changes etc, core is good enough though. This is where a college / uni course could help me.

many thanks

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Hi Steve! was gonna let you know I'd blogged it but you beat me to it!

Please be assured I've no Robbie in my collection!! You can sleep easy!! You have to put something in for the girls!!

Yes a quite eclectic colletion, mainly punk and new wave but some more main stream stuff like U2, REM Pink Floyd etc. Recently I must be getting soft or more poetic, like Amy McDonald!!

Love music and spent my life going to gigs.

Thanks for comment, see you soon, Jeff

Comment is about Steve O'Connor (poet profile)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

a

Dave will you put the above 'a' before the word 'kick' from my last post.
There's a good chap...

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Yes, there are some fine lines indeed Mr Morgan. Fine lines indeed.

PS If Scott gives you any mither, give him kick in the rhyming couplets.

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Pete this is wonderful, wonderful piece.

Here comes a hint of emotion, shy
And I offer my harvest to your hands
These days you die

I love this bit, especially 'and I offer harvest to your hands'.

Great piece - every last piece of emotion that went into it can be felt.

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Sorry about the spelling, there is no edit facility on comments ! yikes

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

many thanks. yes It needs the re read for the hidden meaning! thanks Clarissa and Steve.

Clarissa you aint dumb! Have you seen your poetry!

The poem deals with assumptions as Steve points out, it also deals with disposalble culture throw away culture, and how machines are repalcing or invading the home and our cultural values, for example 'fifty knuckle shuffle' this refers to, well its a slang word for (doing something to yourself for pleasure)

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

Howdo Pete

Well. You've written a rum 'un here! Still, I'll bite.

Top-notch opening line. At first I thought that I had read something like it before, but I think it's a case of a 'it's so good - why hasn't someone written it before?' scenario.

"in a trance I watched the drums spin and the pair of us stood together
like gay lovers on a his and hers shopping exhibition
I wore the trousers this time" - Your fourth stanza is an absolute blinder. I like how it plays with perception and assumptions.

In fact, I think you've done something really interesting with this poem in that it demands a re-read to get it. Just because there's brevity doesn't mean there's nothing going on.

Cracking stuff.

Steve

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

I remember the same class, I to hated it. I refused to kill the frog. I got in a fight with the girl that cut open the cat, in the cat lab.I had a hard time with the earthworm, I could not kill him. To this day I save them. I understand this poem and could feel your words very well. nice work!

Comment is about Mr Salters Chemistry set (blog)

super capacity is best/heavy duty. But then Im not sure what this is about. After all, what could I know. I think they still sell people out in open markets in like saudia arabia.I like the rhyme of the last part of the poem. I dont want to be a machine.

Comment is about White Goods (pt1) (blog)

hi, well Im sure Im missing it, must be some UK type terms here, that just flew over my little dumb american head. I felt while reading it as if I was in another world, that perhaps I should laugh, or was I on acid? Im sure Im just missing the slang and dont get it. Im sure its great.

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

Alreet Jeffo... Sunday was a good night. Nay, Sunday was a fine night and one to be recorded in the annuls of WOL folklore.
As far as tribute bands go - I'm afraid I don't do tribute bands. As good as they are, they're not the real McCoy. The Stanglers are inimitable. If I heard a tribute band I wouldn't be able to get the concept of 'Jive Bunny' or 'Stars on 45' out of my head.
It's the boys themselves or nothing for me. If you're going in October/ November let me know. I usually get to a couple of gigs in and around the North West. Although Dublin would be a good one?

Somewhere outside Tokyo invented time.
Someone with a million watches invented time...

Poetry.

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Im glad yyou could appreciate the dyslexia poem, I was conviinced I was, had the tets done but I'm not according to the psychologis! Thanks for taking the time out to comment. Ric

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Nice one A, like the analogy, cheers Jeff

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Hi Dave, yes it could be associated with the have's and have nots (no houses now etc) of the olympics!

- The opposition is demoted, exiled or deleted. The new way is the best way, the only way.

Seriously though, its a great poem and good to read it full now, some fine lines, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Just Popadum down here!

Nice one Ant, its a very atmospheric place with wonderful sights and smells, love it - work nearby! - You've captured all sides of it here though, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Manchester open-top bus tour (blog)

Good God I never gave it a thought! It was conceived (with the lights off) as just another piece of rambling autobiography. Hope you liked it anyway.

Dave

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Hello, Antonio

When I read that you meeting in person it make me feel so much left out. It is such a nice feeling to be able to meet the other fellow poet. Thank you Antonio for sharing the beauty of your city with in your poetry lines...I feel if I was walking there on foot.

Great write!
Zuzanna

Comment is about Magic bus (blog)

Hello, Phil

Deep psychological write-It has a solid base of a World wide attitude; correct me if I am wrong, please. It sounds like the quote” Loved thy neighbour." I agree, it is true feeling all over the World these days sort of apathy from people, not sure why this happening here too...Thank you for sharing your thoughts in the poem.


Good to read from you again.

Have a pleasant day!
Zuzanna

Comment is about Congestion of Souls (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Dear Melissa

What a delightful poem you have here. I loved the dreamy style, the uncertain feelings of falling down...It shows very well your inner thoughts through your words. Fantastic write!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Under Water (blog)

HI, Antonio

The poem guide me through the city you are located. Nicely presented, the reader can feel the rhythm of the city beat at night...Lovely poem.

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Manchester open-top bus tour (blog)

Hello, Antonio

I was thinking rather of the Election that is unsure in USA Antonio, especially when you mentioned the Pipe smoke that relates to a Peace Pipe in an Aboriginal rituals or Cherokee Indians...Well you got me thinking here. Nice write!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Is this Boris Johnson?

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

This is the Bejing Olympics, yeah?

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Good to see a haiku here! ;-)

I like the Japanese horror film aspect of this! ;-)

all my best,

Alan
http://www.withwords.org.uk

Comment is about Tears Haiku (blog)

Original item by Jordan

I don't know how you do it! If I wrote stuff when I was pissed, I would either be unable to read my handwriting or it would be rude enough to get this website shut down! lol

Comment is about Manchester City (blog)

Short but certainly not sweet! It made me think several times that certainly, but I think it is excellent!

Comment is about The Pier (blog)

Original item by Belinda

That's quite subtle for you, tone i think! Good stuff!

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

I think you read this out at Freed Up, didn't you? If so, I remember enjoying it although I do think Janet's suggestion was spot on thou!

Comment is about City my City (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

I think this is a poem that needs a couple of reads to let everything sink, which I guess is usually a good thing! Interesting......

Comment is about As I Leave (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

I suffer from Dyspraxia m8 which is a more extreme verison of Dylsexia, and from my muddled up head I love this! Perhaps next time I cock up writing my poetry, I should leave it to confuse people even more - lol

Comment is about Dsyelxic? I tihnk not! (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

I still don't know how you keep doing these, tone as I always find writing sonnets a nightmare but this is good stuff as always!

Comment is about Stars stuck (blog)

Yeah, copying Antonioni - I think this is a hard hitting poem but think it always wasn't going to be a comedy if you know what I mean, but I think you pulled it out without going too overboard which is a trap a lot off poets fall into with this kind of thing!

Comment is about Helpless (blog)

Original item by Carol Falaki

For me, there is a lot unspoken in this piece, but I think this is lovely! A lot of strong emotions on this without being too clunky! Good stuff

Comment is about Worn (blog)

Original item by Carol Falaki

The ending works particularly well here I think Sean, but it is another good piece!

Comment is about The Shrink (blog)

I love the image about 'Blue Rain' in particular.. Nice piece.. Not sure whether I could call it poetic prose or a poem, but it is good!

Comment is about Little Digmoor (blog)

there is a huge amount of pathos in this, but i don't think it is overdone in the slightest! Lovely!!

Comment is about (blog)

Original item by Belinda

Hi Dave

Good to see you last night, thanks for what you said about my "Singing lound and proud' poem, I assume you've seen it but if not its my last blog on here. I thought best to keep neutral then any footy fan like yourself can feel the emotion and experience of the good old days!

cheers Jeff, ps Hope the Potters along with the Trotters of course stay up, a poem in there I think!

Comment is about Dave Morgan (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Morgan