Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Worn

Worn

 

Worn, like the shores of a thousand reasons

Like the coat of a hundred seasons

Or the grass on the trodden footpath

Of countless errands

Past the bark of a busy tree

Home to small creatures

Eaten by relentless birds

And stripped by squirrels

While crouching in a rain drenched corner of monotony

By the fence supported with a growth of clinging ivy

 

To a house with tired windows

In skin exposed to weather

On shoes of thinning leather

And a thread-bare heal spudded sock

Steps wearily on a rug

Host to a moth and all its young

To clear the stains from a mug

With a tired saggy sponge and watch

As a tea-tear glides down and stains the motif

Best mum in the world

 

◄ haiku

Helpless ►

Comments

Profile image

Andy N

Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:33

For me, there is a lot unspoken in this piece, but I think this is lovely! A lot of strong emotions on this without being too clunky! Good stuff

Profile image

carol falaki

Sat 2nd Aug 2008 08:25

I have edited this poem, swapping 'commodious birds' for 'relentless birds,' who appear to have relentlessly migrated from the July to the August blogs. Apologies for the repetition.

Profile image

clarissa mckone

Fri 1st Aug 2008 03:09

HI Carol, ITS WONDERFUL !!!!!

Profile image

Jeff Dawson

Thu 31st Jul 2008 20:26

Lovely tribute Carol to a wonderful mum by the sounds of it, love the first 2 lines, Jeff

Profile image

carol falaki

Thu 31st Jul 2008 17:02

Thanks Darren,
I think you are right and I'll have a look at it over the weekend. Thanks again. I like constructive.

darren thomas

Thu 31st Jul 2008 00:28

Hi Carol -it's the word 'commodious' that I struggled with. It felt like I'd dropped a load of marbles onto the floor when I read it. The letters just seemed to spill and bounce everywhere, and I don't understand how it fits in with the birds - given its definition. Plus, it's an archaic word in some contexts and I always struggle with archaic words in poetry, especially when they're mixed with more contemporary words. Is there not a synonym that could fill its shoes. Shoes that are not as cumbersome or awkward. Shoes, like, say, err - open sandals? Comfy shoes.

darren thomas

Wed 30th Jul 2008 11:39

I enjoyed this too. From a poetic point of view it is written in a style that i enjoy most. Plenty of imagery, very few or no clichés and a poetic turn which on this occasion arrives with the last line.
There were perhaps one or two words that felt like swallowing a cocktail stick but overall it 'felt' good. Personally, I don't drink too much tea and coffee so I don't have a favourite and lasting mug.
If I did, it would probably say 'most opinionated t****r in the world'.

<Deleted User> (4281)

Wed 30th Jul 2008 05:45

Dear Carol

Excellent poem - Bravo!
Life embraced in your write, and it shows that is not an easy one. The metamorphosis is there...This one is very profound!

""To a house with tired windows
In skin exposed to weather""

The poem shows love that only mother can give. Awesome creativity- really like this poem!


Thank you,
Zuzanna

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message