Hi Mike,

Got a very empty desperate feeling from this. And we have both contributed something on a 'space' theme. Is there a connection I wonder? I liked the device you used to count to ten in the climax of your piece.

Keep well (inside and out)

Win

Comment is about 10 Reasons for Nothing (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

The dream world is amazing, isn't it? Some dreams I can analyze realistically, with a bit of a mental recap of the previous hours or days, but others slip through. The human mind is the scariest thing I know - all else pales - the untapped, unleashed power of it!

Comment is about Fate Modern (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Anthony,

Thanks for looking at my space lines

I liked that muscle line for the relationship between rustle/muscle and then over/other but it is a very strange image. Maybe your muscles feel differently in zero G.

win

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

One of your best, Dave, a character sketch that implies a saga. I like best the uncertainty of 'Dorothy' - cat, dog, pillow, photo, ghost? For me, the realism of the declining situation implies fantasy in its resolution. I find it well-crafted diction-wise, and would suggest only the removal of all punctuation, to let the reader sink or swim with your thoughts.

Comment is about This will do (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hello Mike - my thanks to you for commenting on 'Call Out' - glad you enjoyed it :) Best wishes, Dave

Comment is about Noetic-fret! (poet profile)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

This is raw, very common, and damning.

Comment is about Don't cry: Etta James (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

I always like your mind, Ms Oxley. The last stanza is very Miss Haversham - deliberate soul-destruction.

Your personal photo is fab.

Comment is about dead daffodils (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Brilliant, catching a mood like flat champagne in a bowl glass.

Comment is about New Year (blog)

Original item by Glyn Pope

I really like this; reads like a squash exercise, the ball rapid fire bamming against the wall, with style. I did wonder at the casual 'take a life' between 'break a figurine' and 'go out without an umbrella', but it is eye-opening. IMO, this is an original 'list poem'.

Consider sorting out your use of capitals, so that your intent is clear. Maybe 'Act' needs full capitals, like a strong order.

Comment is about God is looking for action (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling

Hi John, I've got a plant just like that and it's been climbing all over me for years!
Mike

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

Admirable and rich. But I felt there was almost too much here, Ray, that it could actually break down into three separate poems - the first stanza, then the next three, then the last one. I just envy your level of creativity!

Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)

Thank you for the comments folks! This sort of stemmed from a dream I had - they are either just plain stupid dreams or scary apocalyptic ones.

Thank you for your words Cynthia. The painting is just for my profile and because I love it but... I wonder...

I do mean 'bear'. Thank you for pointing that out and will change it! x

Comment is about Fate Modern (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Thanks very much for your comments, chaps. Will take up most of your suggestions, Ray, and ta for them, although maybe not the Barga verse. I think I'm looking for a certain awkwardness of rhythm at times. Yes, John, it's been a while.

Comment is about Rooftops (for Bruno Cordati) (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Hi Win, believe it or not, i have the very same book. It is my favourite all time book and has been in my possession ever since my days in the army. (i think i bought it about 1989). I used to belong to the Encounters book club, alas, i can find no trace of that book club nowadays. I have viewed it that much, and it has travelled far, so much to say, it is in tatty condition now lol. But yes, such an awe inspiring subject. We could debate it all night, i just wish i could go into far off galaxies sometimes.

best wishes

mike

x

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Hi Kay, Enjoyed looking at this. Some fine rhymes and original ideas, Thx for posting.

a compacted soul afloat
not blissful or ironic but occasionally gnomic
I continue to exist when brutal doors are closed
I think and feel regardless of your year.

I felt this little section as a mini gem within the whole, had so much to offer and could mean so much to so many. It was the last four words that held me :-)

Win

Comment is about Gnomic love affairs (blog)

Original item by kayberley

Short and simple homage to the city, MC. I like the enjambment. (I just looked it up to see if I'd spelled it right and the dictionary fell open at "frog" - spooky, or what?)
Like the poem - hate the place!

Comment is about MY LONDON (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Hi Ksy. Really enjoyed this. Makes the reader search behind the lines and in doing so maybe search inside themselves, Win x

Comment is about Untitled as yet! (blog)

Original item by kayberley

I can really identify with this piece. But, I am imagining myself the subject of protection lol. In essence it's a very good poem. I just wonder whom it's aimed at, and how they would feel about it.

Just proves you care really. But at what cost, only the future will tell eh?

Stay well kayberley.

Best wishes

mike

x

Comment is about Untitled as yet! (blog)

Original item by kayberley

Seems a while since you've posted Greg.
Nice imagery, particularly the last part about turning his attention from the gipsy girls to the rooftops, gutters etc.

Comment is about Rooftops (for Bruno Cordati) (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Very vivid, Dave, in its imagery but nicely ambivalent in its meaning.

Comment is about This will do (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Interesting piece. The last line......hmmmm! Makes me think of the old mans attachments or, his agedness. Very clever how it imbues upon the reader to go back again and read it, just in case you missed something the first time round.

Actually, i think i enjoyed this piece more than at first thought.

Nice work

keep posting

best wishes

mike

x

Comment is about An inoffensive old man (blog)

Original item by Peter Asher

Hi Ray, I like this piece not only for its content, but for its non conformity. It proves itself as a sincere piece of writing by what I would describe as honesty, and though it is a heart wrenching piece to have had to have written, I can imagine the catharsis would do no wrong to yourself or others. For me, for some reason, this poem touched a nerve in me I'm not sure whether i wish to explore, but in saying that, it goes to show just how intense and exploratory it is.

Nice work, not just nice work, but a top piece of writing. Goona go away to ponder now.

Be well

Mike

x

Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)

Hi Mike, Thx for looking at my space stuff... you are right it is a massive awe inspiring subject. Images of Earth is a found poem however, All the lines in it were found in
'The Home Planet (Images and Reflections of Earth from Space Explorers)'. Kevin W.Kelley. Macdonald Queen Anne Press 1988. I was interested to see how comments from these astronauts expressed themselves in this book and how these experiences might alter their religion and philosophy. Whether this explores that idea or not I don't know but I do like these exercises. Truth is that this thing is so big, how can anyone do it justice in words? Win

Comment is about Noetic-fret! (poet profile)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

Aye Man Dave,

'hear hear' great poem.

best wishes

mike

x

Comment is about Call Out (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Thanks all. I feel less sure-footed doing this kind of thing as opposed to rhythm and rhyme. I end up revising it a great deal!I'd feel less confident in performing it too.But I'm a poor performer, anyway, Anthony. Brummie accent. 'Nuff said.

Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)

Enjoyed the poem a lot, Greg.Nice portrait. Too many full stops for my liking, prefer more of a flow.
First verse is good, 3rd verse is very good, except I don't think you need "In bombing". I really like the gouge like a bandage.

Walled, hilltop village of his childhood:

as another war came, he returned to Barga.

Those 2 lines are begging to be swapped around! I know you'd need a rhyme for Barga.Father?

I wonder if canvasses could be singular? Helps the rhythm, I think.
In the last verse I don't think you need "just" before painted roofs.

Comment is about Rooftops (for Bruno Cordati) (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Really hooked me in this did Ray..incredibly visual work..super stuff :)

Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)

I too enjoyed listening to your performance Mike..I lost count of the tracks mind.. :)

Comment is about Quarry Man (blog)

Original item by Mike Hilton

Dave,
Nice to have spoken to you the other night. Thanks for the comment on Night Battle

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Anne,
Thanks for the comment (and advice) on Night Battle

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

M.C.

Thanks for the comment on Night Battle

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Thank you for all your comments. Glyn, my advice would be to get another dog while your first dog is still with us... it gives a sense of continuity and I really wish we'd done this while Tig was still alive, it would have given us a much-needed focus and impetus when she died.

Other than that, I am very grateful for the feedback, I'm sorry that I have been so busy of late getting stuff sorted that I haven't really had a lot of time for poetry.

Before Tig came along, I guess I would have said I was a cat person too. Now I think I am an animal person. There are over 7000 "unwanted" dogs in sanctuaries put to sleep every year.

Isobel. Long hair, smelly breath, that's ME you're talking about there ...

Comment is about A Dog's Life (blog)

Original item by STEVE RUDD

An enticing formidable read. 'and feel the sneer of red within' is just plain fabulous, among many. How does the painting fit in (a striking picture)? Have I missed entirely a 'sexual union' metaphor? The poem seems much more than that. Your poetry reminds me of the use of 'distortion' in the art world, to evoke feelings, with kaleidoscopic images that seem to reshape before your eyes. Or something like that.

BTW, do you mean ...'bear' to part? Or is it a deliberate play on words?

Comment is about Fate Modern (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Thanks Dave for your comments and encouragement for the Quarry Man.I was a bit worried how it would work. I will certainly put the Golden Vision on cos I like that myself. It brings back happy memories. I've got a few other football/sport related ones to put on when i get round to it.
I really enjoyed The Tudor the other night, great energy and friendly scene. I was telling everyone at the Middleton WOL last night about it.

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Wow. Really powerful Ray. I won't ask what it's about :) I think I prefer this to your rhyme and rythm stuff. I always prefer my own non rhyming stuff also - it's just that I find it hard to do poetically. Too often it just sounds like prose. You manage it well in this piece though.

I found the last two lines very moving. This would perform well - it is arresting - though sometimes 'performance' worth seems to unduly trivialise the subject matter.

Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for your comments on "bay 3." Always appreciated.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

"Pail" indeed! What's wrong with bucket? You're getting more "hyacinth" than Foxglove!"
Leaves a bitter aftertaste this.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about dead daffodils (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

A very warm read. Great opening/closing and perfectly paced. Really enjoyed.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about A Dog's Life (blog)

Original item by STEVE RUDD

Enjoyed this Greg. It's always good to learn something via a poem which sparks the curiosity.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Rooftops (for Bruno Cordati) (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Hi Dave,

I liked your rhythms in this. ! think:

"litter-blitzed head

synapses in smithereens"

- too few syllables in line one - too many in line two. it's clumsy on the aear and tongue.

For me you could drop the last line; or, make "her" nameless. Personalising it with your last word, after the anonymity of the rest jars a little. Enjoyed the read though!

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about This will do (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

John,

It wouldn't surprise me at all if this were true. In fact I think I've heard of him. Juan-Kes Kranp - wasn't there a medical condition named after him? In fact I . . . no, it wasn't me.

Now never mind this Flash Fiction - more rude poems please!

Regards,
A.E. :)

Comment is about Kranp (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

It's good to see someone who is prepared to put the time, effort, imagination and intelligence into the work they produce. It shows. All the clever technical tricks buried in the perfectly paced narrative - just deep enough that we glimpse them, rather than stub a toe. I'd love to hear you read it Ray - to see if the way I read it matches how you intend it to be heard.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)

This performed really well, Mike - ingenious, it worked a treat.

Are you going to post that one about the Golden Vision?

Comment is about Quarry Man (blog)

Original item by Mike Hilton

Thanks Anthony, been enjoying your work too. All the best,
S

Comment is about Solomon Scribble (poet profile)

Original item by Solomon Scribble

Hi Mike, thanks for commenting on 'Call Out', glad you liked it - and Welcome to the site too! :)
Best wishes, Dave

Comment is about Mike Hilton (poet profile)

Original item by Mike Hilton

I like this Dave, especially ...'to offer lines that can reach to many'.

Mike

Comment is about Call Out (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Thanks for commenting John - nice to see you back.

Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)

Original item by John Aikman

You have a warm and touching style - most welcome when the "technical" side of things can sometimes serve to obscure the quality of the content in poetry.

Comment is about STEVE RUDD (poet profile)

Original item by STEVE RUDD

Woof woof!

Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)

Original item by John Aikman

Saw your name crop up and just wanted to say - welcome back.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)

Original item by John Aikman