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Hand Count
Hand Count
Sixty times a minute
I have travelled round this face
Three thousand six hundred times an hour
I have faithfully kept pace
Eighty six thousand four hundred times a day
I’ve ticked along
Six hundred and four thousand eight hundred times a week
Always right and never wrong
Eighteen million one hundred and forty four thousands times an average month
Relen...
Tuesday 30th June 2020 2:08 pm
Bull In A China Shop
Bull In A China Shop
‘all breakages must be paid for’
She told the bull in the china shop
As he stamped his hooves impatiently
And snorted through his ringed nostrils
So he tiptoed around glass cabinets
Admiring the fine white porcelain
The delicate hand painted vases
The plates and cup and saucers
Until he saw the red beating heart
Pumping rhythmically...
Monday 29th June 2020 2:44 pm
The Dig
The Dig
Thousands of years later
They found the sacred site
And used their soft sable brushes
To clear the earth from their finds
Here was what looked like a drinking vessel
Owned by a Covid-19 man called Persil
And look part of a plate with the lettering McDon
So possibly owned by someone from the Northern Zone
Inflation devices with logos of Asda and Lidl
Ancie...
Sunday 28th June 2020 6:17 pm
Eye Of The Storm
Eye Of The Storm
The black clouds gather
Heavy rain drops splat
There is iron on your tongue
The bitter taste of storm
Head thick with thunder
White light splits the sky
The trailing crack rattles windows
A cat cowers beneath a bush
Shivering in its fear
The deluge follows
Straight javelins of rain
You lift your head back
As the heavens empty
Water fi...
Saturday 27th June 2020 2:48 pm
Independence Day
Independence Day
At first they said ‘infect the herd’
but experts told us ‘that’s absurd,
you will cause deaths in the old.
What sort of shepherd risks the fold?’
So they put the cattle in the pen
only to be let out when
the time was right, or so they said,
they didn’t want their people dead.
The woolybacks baa’d and the daft cows moo’d
And farmer Boris calculate...
Friday 26th June 2020 1:52 pm
Lucky Coins
Lucky Coins
It would have been about nineteen seventy-seven
Outside The College pub at ‘Closing Time’
When I nearly stumbled over an old man
Lying by a slate stone wall.
He was dressed in dark clothes and had grey hair
That lay across his face
So that his features were obscured
And he was trying to pull himself up to his feet
I stepped towards him and help...
Thursday 25th June 2020 2:35 pm
Lockdown Birthday
Lockdown Birthday
We walked up from the river
Beneath a canopy of trees
The air was filled with birdsong
On a warm and gentle breeze
The sun was high in the June sky
The road stretched out ahead
We drank some wine together
shared cheese and new baked bread
After lunch we wandered home
The air was hot and hazy
Then we sat around and drunk beer
Refused t...
Wednesday 24th June 2020 12:55 pm
Mask
Mask
Mask
Covers face
Unknown eyes watching
Religious tolerance found wanting
Fear
Mask
Double standards
Stops the spread
Of disease and death
Secure
Tuesday 23rd June 2020 2:03 pm
Save The Planet & Your Heart
Save The Planet & Your Heart
The seed drill not the fracking drill
Will serve our country best
The vegetables not the beasts we kill
Will be humanities test
Plague is never spread
from the fruits of the earth
when we pay such a heavy price
what is a carcass worth?
From cattle, bird or bat
There spreads human disease
Letting the gristle and the fat
Brin...
Monday 22nd June 2020 2:14 pm
Mischievous Pedant
I wanted to wish him happy Fathers Day
But according to pedantic Facebook chatter
I’m not allowed to do that any more
Because hashtag ‘All Parents Matter’
Sunday 21st June 2020 3:28 pm
The Biff!
The Biff!
I’ve seen it happen anywhere
Rochdale on a pouring down Sunday afternoon
Melbourne on a baking hot Saturday
Featherstone on a cold midwinter Friday night
Sydney on a misty winter Wednesday
The Biff!
At the eruption of a scrumdown wrestle
The stiff arm of a bewitched fullback
As a dancing standoff sidesteps his frame
A punch that comes from the seco...
Saturday 20th June 2020 12:56 pm
Creation Myth
Creation Myth
If you were God
You would create a back story
On how you came to be
Something about a mother
And a father coming together
You would gradually create
The world around you
And the history of what went before
In order to keep you sane
You would form existence
to fit your needs
And each thing learned new
Would be to satisfy the r...
Friday 19th June 2020 2:07 pm
Blurry
Blurry
The world through a net curtain
Since the blood vessel burst in my eye
A Jackson Pollock of dark splatter
Swirling and whirling like oil on water
Swooping and looping like dragons
Drifting in ancient skies
One good eye doing the work of two
And suddenly you are vulnerable
Knowing that losing that one too
Would be blindness waiting to happen
So you ...
Thursday 18th June 2020 2:33 pm
Return To Jungle Land
Return To Jungle Land
The windows are thrown open
Somewhere Springsteen’s ‘Jungle Land’
Spreads saxophone and horns
Into the humid north west air
There is sweat and naked flesh
In the room on Mountbatten Avenue
Where young love consummates
On white linen sheets
The rats have deserted the city
Where there are no restaurant takeaways
Cascading from backstre...
Wednesday 17th June 2020 12:39 pm
Chucked
Chucked
Dear Clark - I write this letter as a way to say goodbye,
I know we’ve dated many years and I know I said I’d try
to get over all your little quirks that really drive me mad,
but I can’t, you see, and so for me It’s all ending rather sad.
It’s the way you seem to run away when things are getting tough,
If your penchant to hide in phone boxes wasn’t reason enough
...Tuesday 16th June 2020 2:54 pm
Half Time
Half Time
I was playing centre half
With Athletic five nil up
In a prestigious third round tie
Of the Inter-City Cup
Sunday morning football
After beer the night before
The referee blew for half time
It was a disappointing score
The captain’s girlfriend Elsie
Brought a tray of oranges out
Some of us took one and sucked
And tried to forget the rout
T...
Monday 15th June 2020 2:11 pm
Patriot?
Patriot?
Young Tommy didn’t get irony, cross,
he set off with the boneheads and boots
to guard statues of old Winston Churchill.
Signalling intent with their Nazi salutes.
Sunday 14th June 2020 12:01 pm
The Last Breath Of Evening
The Last Breath Of Evening
The sky is bruised purple at the last breath of evening
The air stilled from violent storms before the last breath of evening
From the new sunrise and the slow burn of a waking day
Stretching ahead in unknown pleasures to the last breath of evening
A day of honest work and muscles that ache
With the strain of reaching the last breath of e...
Saturday 13th June 2020 2:42 pm
Plague Doctor
Plague Doctor
One thing this plague has taught us
Is that close proximity can be lethal
You could be a carrier of ideas
Asymptomatic in their spread
Just your unthoughtful actions
Triggering others to violence
You could infringe on the personal space
Of other people’s beliefs
Carelessly trampling over them
By thinking only of your own gratification
Endang...
Friday 12th June 2020 4:10 pm
New Normal
New Normal
We hang around like statues
At McDonalds and Ikea
We wait in line for haircuts
Or to grab a pint of beer
We stand apart together
Following the six foot rule
We can gather for a shopping trip
But not to go to school
We spy upon our neighbours
And complain at barbeques
We daren’t go too far from the house
Because of lack of loos
We wear a m...
Wednesday 10th June 2020 12:41 pm
Satan's Dustbin
Satan’s Dustbin
Satan, at number 666, is putting out the bins
Which are overflowing with hatred and all of mankind’s sins
The refuse collectors stay away they refuse to go near
Part of it’s the cloying smell and part of it’s just fear
Despite the warning label clearly stating ‘no hot ash’
He insists on putting them in there along with all the trash
The sad truth of his be...
Tuesday 9th June 2020 5:11 pm
Clang!
Clang!
Across the centuries
A clanging sound
The clang of a statue
As it falls to the ground
The clang of ideology
Toppling from its perch
The clang of the chains
And the swish of the birch
The clang of a bell
Ringing across the land
The clang of the people
As they make a stand
The clang of oppression
And the clang of the strange
And the clang...
Monday 8th June 2020 2:53 pm
The Midas Touch
The Midas Touch
I saved the life of Lady Luck
And as a thank you I was told
That all I touched metaphorically
Would surely turn to gold
This gift came with a caveat
That seemed to be quite fair
I mustn’t get too greedy
Or all would turn to despair
And from that day without a doubt
I’ve found this to be true
I’ve won small bets on horseracing
And a game...
Sunday 7th June 2020 1:27 pm
The Truth Of Colour
The Truth Of Colour
The colour of humanity
Is not white skin
Or black skin
Not brown skin
Or yellow skin
It is the red blood
Of a beating heart
A blue shield
Is not the colour of humanity
When it takes a life
And all the greys
of muddled opinions
cannot change the truth
that a man could not breathe
because his skin colour
was...
Saturday 6th June 2020 3:53 pm
Hoodoo
Hoodoo
The hoodoos rested here a while
And turned to face the great Bow River
Rocks and pine trees at their backs
This family of albino giants
Wind hewn and born of the water
White wolves of the sedimentary
Standing on the Inuit trail
That led them from the turqoise tumult
Towering to Alberta skies
That shimmer in the August heat
These monoliths of time s...
Friday 5th June 2020 4:29 pm
Banana Republican
Banana Republican
He’s totally bananas
He’s cowardly custard
He nods like a daffodil
His views are all mustard
He thinks he’s a dandy lion
He’s a long streak of piss
Frail as a buttercup
With acute jaundice
He smells of hell’s sulphur
His hair is fake blonde
And he looks like old weeds
That died in a pond
He tweets like a canary
That’s ...
Thursday 4th June 2020 2:18 pm
It Rained Today
It Rained Today
It rained today
Breaking the strangling heat
But it wasn’t a cleansing rain
It didn’t dilute the colour of our skin
Or wash away the blood on our streets
It just soaked
The lonely man erecting barricades
So that McCars could McQueue for McBurgers
As consumerism kicked back in
And the deluge began
The air felt clearer though
Cracked...
Wednesday 3rd June 2020 12:03 pm
What Have You Got
TRIGGER WARNING: contains profanity and quoted use of racist language
What Have You Got?
What have you got
When you haven’t got a tweet
That will work on the masses
And keep them off the street
When your corrupt policies
Are all laid bare
And the people are as unruly
As your fake blonde hair
What have you got
When it all goes South
In pillow case ...
Tuesday 2nd June 2020 2:38 pm
Pandora's Box
Pandora’s Box
barbeques and beaches
your own little playground
complaining about others
who sit in your space
incandescent
that schools are reopening
while little Johnny plays
with his mates in the park
lighting a fire
to cremate your pork chops
on the grass and heathlands
where sparks are bullets
leaving B&Q
with a six foot mirror
t...
Monday 1st June 2020 2:11 pm
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