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Fools Rush In (Inner monologue of a childhood sexual abuse survivor cont'd)

I've been foolish

unguarded and exposed

vulnerable, ripe for the plucking 

how clearly he saw this

how oblivious I must have seemed

totally unheeding

trying to live the dream

 

Ruthlessly he burrowed into me

what he sought I do not know

one swift move, a hand, a pillow

I was no more

fear and shame soared

 

Rushing into everything 

brings forth nothing

trying to escape the pain

now disassociating 

shrinking in onto myself

familiar emotions slithers in

 

But something is new...

 

a comforting hand to hold

what does this mean exactly 

suffering doesn't have to be cold?

 

Do I relinquish self-reliance

do I break the mold

what do I do though 

when that hand is nowhere to behold?

 

Don't get attached 

you pathetic fool

keep a safe distance 

stick to what you know

And play it cool!

 

This wasn't supposed to happen 

I was making progress and doing great

it's all tarnished now,

though I hope it's not too late

to start again, 

bounce back,

and abate the hate.

 

 

(PSYCHOBABBLING )

 

fear of attachmentsrapetherapy

◄ (Promise) Land Ahoy

BROKEN ►

Comments

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Flavia Gordon

Mon 28th Sep 2020 07:35

Thank you for your kind and beautiful words Paul. I will do just that. What you've written actually reminds me of a Tracy Chapman song I sing out loud often; "I'm Ready" (to let the rivers wash over me). xx



Stephen G., Thank you! My poems are often on the dark and pessimistic side...I am trying desperately to step into the light. You all here on WOL have been very motivating.xx

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Stephen Gospage

Fri 25th Sep 2020 16:13

A moving and brave poem. A tough read but ultimately a joyful one.

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