I sat before him 

Crumpling in onto myself     

Lost in my head   

Wishing I was dead

It's over now

Why are we still here                         

He got what he wanted                     

Why does he sit there and stare       

My body limp                                     

Folding over in submission               

My head on his knee                        

Sick to my stomach in this position  

I don't want to be touching him       

I want to disappear                             

But as usual                                       

I am paralyzed by fear                     

What will he do now                         

Escape, I want to                               

But I don't know how                          

I have no clue where I am              

Or what will happen next                   

I think, this is it                               

Not quite how I envisioned my death                                                   

Is he capable of that                       

Didn't know he was capable of this 

There is no going back                     

Isn't this a situation he'll need to "fix"                                                     

Oh God, Em, your mother is such a cretin                                                   

It's baffling why I even continue to keep breathin'                                   

Maybe it'll all turn out great             

You'll have a chance to be raised by people who are un-impacted by hate                                                       

You'd be able to make it through unscathed                                           

If me and my ill-fated circumstances from  your life are erased                                                    

Unfortunately I make it home           

This life of accumulating pain         

I must continue to roam                     

So I'll do what I can                           

Be that "good enough" mom with no plan                                                     

You deserve better and so much more                                                   

Please forgive me my love, for all this you've been asked to endure. 

 

 

(PSYCHOBABBLING)