Getting Grim

There’s a disgruntled growl of anguish
of genuine angst and of grief
My gingerbread man seems quite gutted
he’s grinding his gums and his teeth

He’s garbling his words as he grumbles
He’s losing the gift of the gab
Adrift in existential gridlock
Where there are no straws for him to grab

He’s getting giddy with gold-graded glumness
Grappling with guilt, getting gruff
His moaning and g...

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Not Dead, Just Messy

Nietzsche got it wrong
And though I’ve often heard it said
I think I’m sure of it myself
Yes - I know I am not dead

I never died, nor was I born
I am older than the Earth
And as for all the stars around
I oversaw their birth

I am ancient.  Modern.  Wise
Sager than the sage
Though not as great as once I was
But I put that down to age

I remember when I started
On a creative cuisin...

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Do you hear a rustle
as you walk among the trees?
Do your ears detect a crackle
as you feel the autumn breeze?

In amongst the birdsong
are there murmurs in the lane?
Do you feel a little something
that your senses can't explain?

Is there a ripple as you roam
along that woodland way?
Is it coming from above
Perhaps it's hard to say?

As you walk the forest's path
Is there whisper ...

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We saw him there a-wandering
Lost in highfalutin thought
We were far too busy hosting
felt harassed and way too fraught
With his imagination roaming
he gazed at us for hours
We fluttered spritely, as we do
(for after all we're flowers)
We danced, we tossed and added glee
and somehow gave him health
He got pensive then, and bugger me
his poem on us brought wealth
Solitude, he...

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Sharp jagged edges tear through my skull
running backwards and forwards
creating heat, as only your words can

Nerve ends jangle
trying to understand the sensations
of torn skin
of bone displaced
of blood in strange, new places

Then comes the ultimate reward -
my mind is opened


Based on Emily Dickinson's quote:

"If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off I ...

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Always Asking

No monster - just a shining star
that beats within an hour
Undiluted.  Unrepenting
Sweet with pungent power
A breath of life pulsating
with passion and fine sin
Knowing questions always beckon
and answers rarely win
Truth can gnaw the stomach;
might blind us from the good
And common sense could starve us
of the blinkers of falsehood

Never doubt, as the narrator
that angels can...

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Mr Farage

"Did Farage really skinny dip?" 
Well that's an image I'd rather skip! 
Instead, I'll marvel at his craftsmanship 
And try to write a playful quip… 
For, somehow, again, he's in the news 
He might as well, he's nothing to lose 
So, as some poor sod tries to fill his shoes 
He'll remind us of his own virtues 
He says he's leaving now to restore his health 
After creaming his wage fr...

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As green and sweet smelling as freshly cut grass 
out in a meadow in May 
Comes a tall little angel, bold as can be 
Striding out with a canter, comes A 
Following, galloping, alone and in pairs 
But always eager to please 
Red as fine poppies, perfumed as the rose 
We smile and welcome the Es 
In search of a buddy, but brave when alone 
And blue as a clear summer sky 
A whiff of p...

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From Above

Summer skies sing loudest
With a tune so crisp and clear
A jaunty cloudless chorus song
Designed to bring us cheer
Autumn's lullabies are muffled
In evening dappled skies
But its melody of sunsets
Bring music to the eyes
The sodden clouds of winter
May dare to chill the soul
But if you care to listen
There's a hint of rock and roll
I cannot fail to marvel at
the d...

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Angel of the North

A bold statement of steel and copper 
Towers above the northern road 
Northumberland's way of facing its future 
Shows their miners too, the respect they're owed 
Every nut and bolt and welded sheet 
Plays its part in her sculptured grace 
A testament to modern art 
A unique welcome, a grand embrace 
A beacon of hope in a sea of fear, 
Or a grotesque beast which spoils the view?  

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Piano Man

Is there a sight any sweeter 
than a man who can ply his trade 
when he cares not a bit of the weather 
or the pennies he might be paid? 
Is there a sound any sweeter 
than when notes are read from flowers 
when the delicate rose becomes a trill 
or a vamp to fill the hours? 
Is there a smell any sweeter 
Than black keys mixed with white 
with the whiff of a red London phone box 

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The Jaffa Cake Controversy

Part One - Unforgivable
Beyond all rhyme and reason
Utterly beyond the pale
To be denounced in any season
A complete and utter FAIL
Eleven million watched in awe
Some driven to rage and shock
So many scarred by what they saw
But you can't turn back the clock
'Twas the graceless act of a savage
Of an ogre and a fool
Before he causes any more damage
Let's send him ba...

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Marooned on an island where the sun never sets
Where the sky's always tinged a certain hue
We'll party along with all the other guests
Our mood will be a brashly-subtle reddest blue
We'll be free to run slowly through our waking sleep
Pushing through that pleasurable pain
Tell each other stories filled with honest lies
And then tell them for the first time, once again
We coul...

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Murder On My Mind

When a rough day is behind me
And all the tension is still there
When rage is flowing through my veins
And I'm tearing out my hair
When the evening sky is as red as blood
And my anger as full as the moon
You can feel my fury burning
Tell an explosion is coming soon
I really cannot help it
There's murder on my mind
And once I get that feeling
There's just one way to unwind

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From Whence We Came

We're going back from whence we came
Answering her ancient call
It's almost as if she whispers our name
That she knows and owns us all
Salt in the blood still proves the link
Urging hearts to soar, brains to think
Salt in the blood
Salt in the blood
We admire her with breath and ink
We're going back from whence we came
She beckons us there, somehow
Leaving only questions, no trac...

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Red Ink

Red Ink marks the paper
Scores a line and gives a grade
In the bossiest of moments
Tells of corrections to be made
Red Ink warns of danger
As it sits there standing bold
Or a single word might hang there dripping
While your blood runs stinging cold
It then brings heat, inspires passion
Like the warming of a fire
Consuming mind and paper
While the temperature gets higher

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The Life of a Bull

The life of a bull is never dull
I am always kept on the hop
Told to go from cow to cow
- There's never a chance to stop
The life of a bull is never dull
The finest food I am always eating
And my cousins in Spain, it's very plain
Give the matadors a beating
The life of a bull is never dull
So, I never get in a strop
I write the odd song and a poem or two
Though, I admit, t...

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Pandemonium (acrostic)

Peace and dialogue are rejected
Anarchy with chaos breeds and
No-one is safe from the claws of fear
Demons with devilish or "divine" intentions
Excrete their venom, make their motives clear
Milton gave us the word in Paradise Lost, an
Odious capital in the midst of Hell
Nearing beauty in its simple concept, but how to fight it?
I cannot tell, there's
Unease and violence in the maelstrom, ...

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The trees see it all and judge
Rooted in earth and fiction
Bearing the assaults of elements and of man
Eager to share, but standing unheard
The birds see it all and judge
From high in the nest or in swift flight
Singing their songs while meandering south
Eager to share, but flying unheard
The cliffs see it all and judge
Soil clinging with the last drop of strength
Earth gru...

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The Tongue

Twisted by sea shells on a sea shore
If smitten, she'll lick lips with haste
She'll savour the flavour and beckon for more
She's a muscle who lives for the taste
Mother of language, mistress of drool
Though nerves can make her too dry
If she's tied by your words, you'll look like a fool
If she's forked, you're likely to lie
Hold her, bite her if she's feeling too sharp
And i...

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Left arm holds, strong and taut
The fingers grip fast and tight
Right arm drawn to yield potential
Eyes commit; the mark's in sight
Experience and heritage in the bow
Crafted.  Etched.  Owned with pride
Arrows designed to cut through air
Sharpened points forge a graceful glide
And mounted on a handsome steed
A jet black stallion with flowing mane
A steady course is set and ...

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God's Cahnty

I'm tellin thi - suthern'ills ar nowt compared to owwers
Scotland's foak are nowe neer as tite, or fair
Lancaster az but weaker trees and moare gawmless flowwers
And o' watter from Thames or Tyne, i cannot care
Tek noattice - us Yorkshire foak ar blest wi natures gold
We wer craaned as kings n queens from ar verry burth
Nivver fear nor dahht it, tho wethers wet an coald
A better cahn...

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Brown spots dab my poor pale skin
Deeper and bigger than freckles
I'd play dot to dot, if I knew where to begin
If I were a hen; I'd be speckled
Gardeners' distress and indignation
As head holes can cause mayhem
Though hills appear, without invitation
Let's not make mountains out of them
A chink in the armour as word gets out
From a very special sleeper
A fly in the ointmen...

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To a Slug

Your pace of life is just sublime
When blessed with seasons, wet and warm
With foliage and fungi, you mark your time
A gastropod; a handsome form
As your journey is marked with a trail of slime
I wish you well, as you perform
O slink away from the hearty hedgehog
Spread word of your foes with silent talks
Avoid beer traps, salt piles, the brazen frog
And gardeners with their rakes ...

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How you smelt that first, my friend,
I will never know
I am surely hungrier than you
My nose is keener than yours
My brain was always sharper
Perhaps you saw the drool drip from
the corner of my mouth?
Or did you hear my nostrils flair?
Hackles raised.  Target in sight.
The advantage was ours
And the prize a good one -
enough there to fill o...

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Introspection (acrostic)

In careful pursuit of peace
Nothing should be allowed to impede, yes even
Treacherous thoughts should be accepted, so that
Reason is slowly allowed to win
Observe then, with each of your
Senses, the inner core of your being
Proudly sweating with the heat
Emanating from your humanity and permit the
Cold fresh wind of change to breeze into your mind
Time has no meaning if you do this right

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Sweet Little Lies

Like popcorn firing in my brain
A lie was born - I can't explain
My tongue spun out a syrup web
A viscous tide that did not ebb
Sugar sweet and tenderised
From between my teeth, emerged my lies
My lips complied, and did not fail
To add some honey to the tale
Like nectar of the gods, I fear
It trickled into your kind ear
Far too quickly, far too keen

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Silk Worm

Those river banks were known to me
But, so full of youthful joy was I
That I longed for love and in the gloom
Your exotic beauty caught my eye
Dazzled by your salesman's pitch
Your merry jive and empty talk
I followed you, and how you led
Elan and aplomb in your dashing walk
The days were filled with pleasant trade
We brought lively banter to a weary road
A perfect team, al...

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A Garden Party

When the sunshine burns off the morning dew
And the flowers unfold and smile
Then we gnomes will be ready to do what we must do
We'll prepare for the party with style
We'll get out our scythes and trim a patch of lawn
Haul out our toadstool chairs and bunting
We've been ironing the table covers since the break of dawn
We find it far more fun than fishing and than hunting

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Decision Made

We no longer own an empire
We no longer rule the waves
We rarely show the Dunkirk spirit
We no longer free the slaves
We are not the world's bold policeman
With the strength to control with will
The turbulent forces surround us
And this earth does not stand still
We can't stand in isolation
No matter how splendid the idea might be
We'd drown in a sea of troubles
That's not...

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The Jolly Merchant Bankers

The jolly merchant bankers are a rare and special breed
Delighting in their numbers and the quest for feral greed
They buy and sell and speculate and hunt in packs like hounds
Smelling blood when weakness shows in the euro or the pound
Pension funds, hopes and dreams and stability take the hit
When things go wrong, it's rare for them to be neck deep in the shit
They'll make their loadsa mone...

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merchant bankers


Ted Hughes warned of telegraph wires
and their tones that empty human bones
In this more modern digital age
I wonder too, through wired rage
Whether the internet, full of trolls and porn
Can perhaps evolve beyond its scorn
And become the tool for improving life,
Sharing ideas, battling strife
As our brains melt, and the icecaps too
It seems, surely the best thi...

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You can hang your hat, if you like
Upon the nearest tit
Carve a cross and hump all night
I won't care a bit
Feel free to go with those who bite
And buck without a wit
As long as you can read and write
I couldn't give a shit
Feel free to wank with dynamite
If that's your choice and aim
Laugh and fuck with all your might
Treat life as a game
I'm not all that refined ...

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Their collective decision is made
No words detected, but a powerful call
From within and a shift in the weather;
It's time to leave - to begin the mighty migration
250km of harsh terrain lie ahead
From the Chobe river to the hopeful paradise of Nxai Pan
Open plains, dense forrests
And all too many enemies lie in wait
Packs of wild dogs and hyenas
Leopards, snakes and vulture...

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The Heart

With its every pulse, throb and beat -
This is one beast of a machine
It's the soul's companion;
the core of our feelings
It can be as hard as stone,
or weak enough to be broken
It can be soft, warm.
Big.  Kind.  Heavy.  Light
It rends, burns and bleeds
Yearns, faints and aches
It can give a home to land
and be a place to search for answers
It can ...

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Summer Evenings

Summer evenings stroll on
With their melodies strong
And their playful wishes well-fed
Sunsets arrive in full glory
With a daring, keen story
Reluctant to cast us to bed
The skies blush and they croon
Kiss hello to the moon
and blossom in purple and red

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A Shy Shiraz

They say Cabernet Sauvignon pairs nicely with steak
Pinotage, they reckon, for cheese
Tempranillo is the choice for Mexican grub
But, I'm somewhat easier to please
I've tried a fair few "Reds", on a weekend night
While chilling to some melodic jazz
I've had the bold, the brave and the border-line nasty
But I've never had a "Shy Shiraz"
I once had a good round Pinot Noir
And ...

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red wineWeekendshiraz

Sunday Shiraz

Cider made from apples dry
Cannot touch the mellow stance
Nor begin to feel the depth, which I
may gaze and flow in merry dance
When red grape bleeds into my mouth
sinking, tickling my tonsils keen
I cannot be but in pure ease
My mind blurs in a haze serene
Hark!  Shiraz brings a gush of spice
And fruit and smoke and peppers pure
A bold perfection can but entice;
The weeke...

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sundayred wineshiraz

Cold April Days

He thinks the sun is rude
for blaring into his day;
She is simply happier
when couched in her mumbles of grey
Curtains drawn, blinds down
They have their blinkers on
They leave the paths untrodden
While the world chokes out a song
Their confinement is not a prison though
It's a choice that they embrace
They know the Earth keeps turning
At its' baffling, blurring pace

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To Fill a Gap*

Don't fill that gap with putty
Don't paste in rubber cement
You know sealant just won't cut it
And mortar won't make a dent
Plastering the hole is futile
Mud and sand will make a mess
Glue will get you stuck too fast
Chuddy can never impress
The abyss will just get wider
If you bind with gunk and grout
The chasm will deepen further
If you fill with junk and doubt

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Measure by Measure

I could be light years away from my comfort zone
Or standing feet deep in a puddle full of pleasure
I could be miles away from reaching Maybe…
But I know to take it measure by measure
I could be 17 hands high.  Galloping along.
Flying through each furlong of land
The beat of my heart matching quavers of a song
With unbridled horsepower at my command
Or deafened by the decibel...

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The Bend

There's a kink in the path
Where the bluebells grow
Strong, full of spice and sweet
Where the witches and the wizards
cast their spells, I know
And the elves feel safe to meet
There's a bend in the river
Where the waters run deep
And the vines harsh thirst is fed
Where dry grapes can burst
in pleasure and folly;
The valley can sing in a glory of red
There's a camber to th...

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Computer Error

There's no avoiding computers now
I.T is everywhere
But with the hunt to get online
Comes the onset of grey hair
"You really ought to buy one"
Said the slick man in the shop
"I don't know how you do without"
He opined in a modern strop
So I bought one, as I thought I should -
A new world to explore
But did my troubles vanish?
No, they multiplied all the more
I coul...

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The Fox

You might see me in the back streets
By the light of the full moon
With my look refined and cunning
I will almost make you swoon
Don't treat me as an enemy
Or fear me as a foe
Don't use evil words against me
I'm a well-bred soul, you know
I'm a smooth, suave, refined old chap
A four-legged paradox
Oblige me for a moment, please
- I'm an urbane urban fox
You've seen me on my roun...

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Keeper of The Heads

The smell is a fine one;
The death of a traitor
is always sweet
I feel the pulse of the cheers
echo through the city
when the mighty fall
or the wretched scum meet their end
Then they send the heads to me
Dipped in tar
Beautifully macabre
And I get to work
Proudly plying my trade
For there's a colour to my craft
and a heritage I'm proud to continue

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job selectionLondon Bridgesevered heads

Fools Rush In

What a muppet!  What a chump!
A goof, a dope, a wally
What a wazzock, a goose, a goon
He must be off his trolley
A flibbertigibbet, an airhead, a blonde
A twerp, a twonk, a nitwit
A divvy, a cretin, a doofus, an oaf
A berk, a jerk, an eejit
A blighter, a birdbrain, a putz, an ass
A dipstick, a plonker, a twit
A drongo, a plank, a jester, a clown
A prat, a pillock, a git

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The Pen

"The pen is mightier than the sword"
- In general, I guess that's true
But mine's a lazy blighter;
It treats sloth as a damned virtue
It's not the liveliest of beasts
It's always at a halt
It likes staring at blank paper
As though that's the thing at fault
It lives a charmed sedentary life
Full speed is torpidly inert
It charges around at the pace of a slug
When flat out and a...

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penwriting poetry


Call me a tightwad - thrifty - a Scrooge
Parsimonious.  Frugal.  A miser
After this, no-one will be richer
But words might make us wiser...
Dough.  Bread.  Cabbage.  Lettuce.
Chips.  Gravy.  Bananas.  Beans
Potatoes.  Fish.  Milk.  Lolly.
If you have the biscuit - you have the means
Dosh.  Loot.  Wonga.  Readies
Nicker.  Coin.  Lucre.  Notes
Bones.  Tender.  Funds.  Swag

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No beat
No goal
No rhyme
No soul
No heart
No joy
No play
No ploy
No voice
No sound
No sky
No ground
No black
No white
No bark
No bite
No legs
No arms
No powers
No charms
No fun
No games
No fire
No flames
No bricks
No steel
No drink
No meal
No word
No ink
No speech,
Just think
No trees
No leaves
No air
To bre...

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Jam roly poly, treacle sponge
And sticky toffee pudding head the top of my list
But apple pie, rhubarb crumble
Or a decent cheesecake are hard to resist
Banana splits, eclairs or brownies
Dumplings, nougat, cheese board or mousse
Crème brûlée.  Fruit cocktail.  Yoghurt
Serve it up and set me loose!
Rice pudding, Christmas pudding
Let me say it loud and clear
Summer pudding, Eve...

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