Rudyard Kooistra on
13 hours ago
made me feel something
Something I've been trying to avoid for awhile now.
made me feel safe.
Made me feel loved.
Made me feel like the only girl in the world
In your arms, no bad could happen.
In your arms, I was safe.
In your arms, I was loved.
This unfamiliar feeling made me uneasy
Made me doubtful
Made me question everythi...
Wednesday 9th December 2020 6:59 am
The sounds of the ocean waves crashing as if they were talking to me saying , " Breathe, be free."
The sound of the wind whispering in my ear, break your chains, run, run,run, don't you dare look back
My eyes closed, my heart beating fast, wondering when will the world stop spinning round and round
When will my light be free to shine
When will my soul be freed from yours
Tuesday 17th November 2020 8:22 pm
I’ve written you 1000 letters
I’ve waited for you 365 days
I’ve prayed to God a million prayers
But I realized now it is all insane
I realize now it was all in vain
I get scared to think of no longer loving you
I get so scared that I pray for another way
I pray that God makes me see that everything’s ok
Love isn’t forever
Love doesn’t always stay
Wednesday 11th November 2020 4:26 am
Here I stand, a broken man
Trying to cope the best I can
Guys are not supposed to cry
We’re macho with our heads held high
But alone I feel a shivering wreck
With mixed up thoughts and mass regrets
Regrets that I just can’t be me
Regrets of the false man you see
Each tiny thought I try to dissect
But each tiny thought then becomes a threat
A threat that I might be exposed
Exposed to tho...
Friday 31st July 2020 1:23 am
We're on the edge of a broken prayer,
My faith is held between the tips of my fingers.
I search for a reason to just hang on, but the feeling burns deeply.
With only a flick all of this could be gone.
The clutches of uncertainty are too tight, too much.
Our future remains a questonable haze in front of me.
The past we share becomes more clear than what could ever be.
Monday 27th July 2020 7:13 pm
Heart beating fast asking, begging, praying, for it to slow down
It can't take the pain of being in love
A love that is impossible, a love that is gone
So she takes a hit, and then everything moves so slow
Her heart calms down and she forgets the pain
The clouds fill her lungs and she takes a final breathe
Her heart calms down and the pain is no more
Saturday 25th July 2020 8:30 pm
Melting away on my he inside is a heart so pure that shouldve never seen this fire. It should have never felt the flames jump from excitement as they found more to scorch.
It should've never been known how fire is used as a way to produce quicker results, for then it would've never let the flames dance underneath or start to let the flames grow, beginning at his feet.
Slowly over time, the...
Thursday 23rd July 2020 10:12 pm
I'm always thinking about the day we first met,
It's definitely something that I'll never forget,
The first thing I remember was that gorgeous smile,
It left me dumbstruck and uncontrollably docile,
The next thing I noticed were those glistening blue eyes,
I was lost in my thoughts dazed and hypnotized,
How does God put so much beauty into one thing?
I thought she was an angel...
Friday 17th July 2020 7:34 pm
I’ve got callouses
I’m covered in scars
I’m broken inside
So loving me is hard
You kissed my fingers
My heart pounded so hard
You bathed me in love
And now i can’t get up my guard
It just seems so easy for you
Even after all we’ve been through
You told me you didn’t want to lose me
So how are you being so cold
You washed away the armour that i hold
I wish that this hurt you like i...
Saturday 11th July 2020 7:05 am
I held you in the dark
Your face burrowed in my breast
Your tears made my body sweat and my fingers
Clung to your hair
A smile so small grew on my lips, as you
I expect nothing from you.
And I would probably do anything for you.
And I knew from the moment we touched.
11am, with the sun streaming in through the window.
You lay in my lap as...
Friday 10th July 2020 2:24 am
How many times do we take the leap
Before we realize we’ve jumped in too deep
How many times do we stop to realize
We need to protect our insides
How many times does this heart have to break
This love, you too shall take
He was the one,
Healing the deepest scar,
The wound he created,
Only to tear it open again
As he twists the knife
Churning everything inside of me
Monday 6th July 2020 5:35 am
Bull In A China Shop
‘all breakages must be paid for’
She told the bull in the china shop
As he stamped his hooves impatiently
And snorted through his ringed nostrils
So he tiptoed around glass cabinets
Admiring the fine white porcelain
The delicate hand painted vases
The plates and cup and saucers
Until he saw the red beating heart
Monday 29th June 2020 2:44 pm
I can't take it,
I'm only asking,
Please Lord help me,
I'm tired of relapsing,
Over and over,
My veins are collapsing,
I know you hear me,
I'm sorry for babbling,
I don't understand,
Why this keeps happening,
I'm covering the pain,
It's so everlasting,
The hurt burns deep,
It never stops dragging,
Life is a slow death,
It's truly a sad thing,
Sunday 10th May 2020 3:20 pm
My gums are bleeding again.
There’s a stack of papers that need attention
But I can’t find my glasses.
My truck is making that funny noise.
I sleep too late
Because no one wakes me.
I don’t write
I feel it’s all been said.
I find I’m repeating myself
No one takes me seriously
Your point’s been made:
I am selfish and fickle,
Sunday 10th May 2020 4:55 am
A Bracelet Of Daisies
She made me a daisy bracelet
And twisted the stems round my wrist
We swore we would never forget
the sun slowly set as we kissed
And for a short while that was true
love blossomed like that daisy chain
but those white petals never grew
the green shoots were twisted in pain
It hurts when you’re given a heart
that unnourished withers and ...
Monday 20th April 2020 2:51 pm
She studied the picture one last time, memorizing each pixel that made up his face.
Her evenings were quiet and her mornings were rushed, but not a moment went by where she didn’t think of him. Oh sure, she found ways to distract herself from letting her mind wander, only each time she paused she began to ask “What If”.
They left things in such a strange place that she felt too apprehensiv...
Monday 24th February 2020 2:47 am
It is hard having faith
When you feel so much pain
It is hard to obey when you feel so betrayed
It is hard to smile and put on your pretty face
When your whole world has seems to have crumbled
But then that voice comes back to you and says , "Look how far you've come, look how strong you are!"
The voice tells you everything is going to be just fine
You breathe, close your eyes...
Thursday 13th February 2020 6:03 pm
While he simply adored her,
And, come their exertions together,
The world became irrelevant,
Never could he altogether dismiss their loves temporary element,
Conjured from the role played by Distance,
The hated protagonist
In a novella which tells the tale,
Of a romance not fully realised,
Of loving and losing,
Of missing her
Monday 3rd February 2020 7:58 pm
It's been a hard day
Smiling pretending everything is fine
If I pretend it feels better
If I do it enough it hurts less
I haven't texted you all day
I haven't ran to you
I keep telling myself I don't need you anymore
I keep telling myself I don't love you
But a voice in my head keeps saying, " Be patient, be kind, show yourself self-love."
Then I look at my arm the word ...
Thursday 30th January 2020 5:14 pm
I have this urge to call you
An urge to beg you
An urge to show you I can be happy
I have an urge to tell you that I am strong
I have an urge to tell you that I agree and we're done
An urge to say I know you aren't coming back
I have an urge to stop torturing myself and finally let you be free
I say one more text that is all I need
I say one more text that is all I ...
Monday 27th January 2020 10:03 pm
Is it still love when the cracks fill with lies?
And you know that you shouldn't crave their presence,
But they make you feel alive.
Is it still love when you long to break away?
But the notion of their absence compelles you to stay.
Is it still love when you try to forget?
But nothing will fill the void that they left.
Thursday 9th January 2020 10:21 pm