addiction (Remove filter)
Small Victories
Taking to the ocean
distance put between
my flippant will
and things to conquer
heart beasts
tugging at my sleeve
Turning, turning, turning
from that incessant chasing
the bay recedes, city lights
swallowed by the horizon
heart beasts
circling overhead
Test me, am I strong enough?
I try not to be broken
daily trials so choking
can I survive them?
At night, rocking in the wav...
Wednesday 25th December 2019 12:53 pm
A Part
My bed is still warm
When the next body rolls in
But I'm not
I'm numb
Until,
Your body
- Or his -
- Or hers -
Envelopes mine
And I can breathe
Because
I am consumed
I am part of you,
Of someone that lives
That moves
That loves
I am
I was
I will be
Because I'm not apart
Just a part
Of something
Monday 16th December 2019 3:11 pm
Shopping
A huge pleasure of mine is to shop,
Though I sometimes find it hard to stop.
It brings me comfort so I cannot wait,
But it may put me into such a state.
I especially love to shop online,
To see what things could soon be mine.
There are many choices. It is so vast,
And they like to take our money fast.
Whether it be a DVD, a game or book
At my bank balance I dar...
Saturday 9th November 2019 8:00 pm
My Secret Life
He fools everyone
and I fool myself
in my secret life.
Makeup hides the bruises
in my secret life.
Distractions abound
in my secret life.
I smile, laugh, cry, drink
the pain away
in my secret life.
Food fills the gaps of despair
in my secret life.
I pray for salvation
in my secret life.
Hope for a better tommorow remains
in my secret life.
# # #
https://youtu...
Wednesday 6th November 2019 2:20 pm
What is Poetry?
Poetry is my
drug of choice,
calming rain,
rays of sunshine.
an antidote
to suffering,
waltzing words
on lonely nights,
my lost lover
whispering
in my ear,
release,
of fear,
wind beneath
birds in flight,
illuminating
light,
immortality...
Sunday 3rd November 2019 12:39 pm
after party
there's no one here but me, bottles all around, the music's faded it's a melancholy sound
party streamers on the floor, the room drenched in drugs and sadness
it's hazy and in reality, you aren't glad this...
EVER happened
at first, it all seemed fun and you were happy at the time
now they're disappointed, now you want more, now you're back down the mountain you took so long to clim...
Thursday 31st October 2019 3:58 pm
fix me
Porcelain doll, why are you frowning?
She said, "I am you", "Look at my damage, all the drugs you're downing"
Cracked and peeling, there's no reverse.
She started crying, "Are you going to stop now or make it worse?"
Porcelain doll, how do I stop?
She said, "That's on you."
I take another pill and I hear a pop.
Piece after piece falls on the floor.
She cries out as it hurts...
Tuesday 29th October 2019 8:40 pm
goodbyes
Deleted the dealer. Threw put the pills.
Used the rest of my money for unpaid bills.
Cut off the friends. Got myself clean.
Mentally ready but physically a fiend.
Going to meetings. Trying to talk.
The constant urge to do dope I have to block
I don't really care, but at the same time, I do.
Hopefully, at some point, the right answer will breakthrough.
Monday 28th October 2019 9:40 pm
Drunk
The words you speak you don't mean to slur, you think you know what you're saying but it's all a blur. Missing the way things used to be, but crying at the cost of living; it's no longer free. Wanting more 'n more but you have to quit. Sadly it's your only coping skill to make you forget. You drink and you drink but now you're just sick, after four years you'd think that'd it'd click. Never does t...
Sunday 27th October 2019 6:21 pm
Delusions of Grandeur
How can you adore me one day
and forget I exist the next?
Was I just another notch
in your belt?
Why can’t you see that your world is
darker without me,
the one who loves you
unconditionally.
Someday it will all make sense.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep convincing myself
you still care.
###
Saturday 31st August 2019 4:27 am
Im loyal
I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;
Saturday 6th July 2019 5:19 am
you know how it go(freeform)
pull out thre trigger u know how it go
call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4
when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody
release all my problems when I drink this bottle
still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model
nobody know about all of my problems
call up tequila u know she gon solve it
I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody
I try to reach out but they always dec...
Sunday 30th June 2019 12:58 am
addicts lie
"boop boop beep beep boop bup bip beep" go the alerts and synaptic responses
too fast to process, too repetitive to want to
"spit that out, it's toxic" I warned
as he slurped up drama in great mouthfulls, as if she were kool-aid
he would slice open a vein and welcome drama directly if she asked him to
surreptitious texting continues beneath the table
eyes downcast, thumbs flying ...
Sunday 16th June 2019 11:34 am
Her Name Is E...
A day without E is better off Breathless,
May my soul escape if my stream is empty.
Seek and find the girl named E,
packed with love she doesn't discriminate,
Her race is spectrum body tailored to your preference.
Undergo E she'll turn the toughest man empathetic.
Open your eyes wide as the sky,
Her love brings out a high unreal,
to experience one must be willing ...
Saturday 25th May 2019 9:21 am
Addiction Spell
A desire stronger than the weight of the world, nothing in life matters more than the intake of poison, fogged mind and clouded vision,
Tell Me What's Love Compared To Addiction
controlled by controlled substance your own worst enemy living physically but empty mentally,
Happiness Depleted Unless Using Of Course My Best Friend Is My Drug Of Choice
scared of facing withdrawals to much p...
Friday 24th May 2019 7:15 am
Daughter
Forgive me, for not
being the mother
you needed me to be.
For being too busy,
too naive to see
what was happening
in front of me.
For being silent
when your father
screamed and demeaned.
For when I thought it
was sweet that your
boyfriend carried you
to your room when you
"fell asleep".
For not enough hugs
and too many lectures.
For not seeing the signs
of addict...
Friday 17th May 2019 3:29 pm
A Pattern of Substance Misuse in Rural Texas
You were always object lesson,
Never role model, and I only knew
I should never be like you.
Your death was early and tragic,
As expected, your last conscious
Moments spent reaching for the door
Of a home engulfed in flame.
Through tear-filled eyes,
Those who had nothing but
Criticism for you when alive
Expressed their own shock and
Grief with a final tinge of judgment.
“If it had an...
Thursday 16th May 2019 10:28 am
Bereft of feeling.
I wanted to do a poem today to provoke a thought or thinking about the insanity of taking drugs. I have known many people succumb to Heroin and painkillers, alcohol and it all seems so futile I myself suffered with addiction through mental illness. Its a terrible thing and very dark. So here is my attempt at describing this disease.
Bereft of feeling
Stare into the abyss
eyes burning...
Monday 18th March 2019 9:20 am
Why I am a barfly
Immediately after I
Fetched my salary
From a Bank
When I get drunk
Getting into a bar,
From my home not far,
No longer subject
To my inhibition
I become bold
To make an
Open breast of my love
To my inaccessible dove,
For on such state
I become easily capable
My financial challenges
And physical appearance
Anxieties to dissolve.
I crunch her number
Getting no answer
"U R Z best...
Tuesday 5th March 2019 1:11 pm
Dancing with Addiction
How do you help
loved ones that
insist on
tap dancing
with the demon
of addiction?
I want to scold
them like a child
for their own good,
but I know it
would fall
on deaf ears.
I want to hold them
tight, tell them
everything will
be alright, but
they aren't buying
that lie.
Is my only option
to waltz around
my candy-coated world
and watch them
self-destruct?
I...
Friday 1st February 2019 8:32 pm
Sobriety Shit
I'm losing my mind,
I'm flipping the script,
On this sobriety shit,
I can't get a grip,
The truth hurts,
But it sets us free,
Its holding me back,
I just wanna scream,
The tracks that I have,
And the scars on my arms,
Are all just reminders,
Of the people that I've harmed,
So I open my eyes,
To the things that make me blind,
That's why I keep trying,
One day at a time.
Tuesday 15th January 2019 8:12 am
Poker With Lucifer
The darkness falls under my skin,
I hate my life and my soul within',
I'm trapped in my mind and I'm full of sin,
I'm fighting the devil and I cannot win,
Complacent thoughts are spinning around,
I hear His voice but there is no sound,
He showed me the way, the truth and the life,
The battle is won, I won the fight,
Come on devil your talk is cheap,
I've played my cards so read 'em and we...
Tuesday 15th January 2019 6:01 am
My Dopamine
Your words flow
though my veins
and light up my soul
like nothing
I've ever known.
Chemical alchemy.
Cosmic destiny.
Beyond comprehension.
From another dimension.
Steam. My dopamine.
Thursday 10th January 2019 12:54 pm
Finally Free
You almost had me,
But you didn't win,
There's something I need to say,
So let me begin,
You made me feel worthless,
But you took the pain away,
You kept me on a leash,
I needed you night and day,
I didn't know darkness,
Until I met you,
You took my breath away,
And my face turned blue,
Falling, falling and falling,
And it seems like forever,
Then fire tur...
Thursday 10th January 2019 4:08 am
Involuntary Glamorization In Obsessive Dreams
Black tar and needle scars,
I pull it back and let it rip,
It's time to trip I take a hit,
My heart skips I'm loving it,
Twisted things and smoking everything,
Angelic wings flying high like a king,
Powdered wishes and doing fat ishes,
Taking in poison is rather delicious,
This dark liquid death has me out of breath,
Not a worry in the world not even HEP,
I crush it u...
Thursday 10th January 2019 3:55 am
Soul Scars
There you are beaming
at everyone you meet
posting highlights,
keeping it together.
But, I see your soul scars...
loneliness, heartbreak,
disappointment, addiction,
depression, despair...
It's enough to turn
most souls to dust.
But not us.
Diamonds are made from
coal under pressure.
Show your scars,
keep the faith,
and shine on.
Monday 7th January 2019 1:10 am
New Year Addiction
Those few seconds before the new year
when the countdown begins,
my soul soars with so much hope and joy.
When the ball drops at Times Square,
there is a momentary
return to innocence.
As the confetti flies and music fills the air,
I imagine we are a world at peace...
no worries, no violence, no division,
just a few beautiful seconds of clarity and simplicity
that dis...
Tuesday 1st January 2019 5:37 am
Recent Comments
Stephen Gospage on POLICING THE LANGUAGE
15 minutes ago
Stephen Gospage on The Heart Of Kindness
26 minutes ago
Stephen Gospage on I'm Sixty Six Today! (5/12/24)
37 minutes ago
Stephen Gospage on First Class
39 minutes ago
David RL Moore on I Hear Nothing
1 hour ago
Auracle on Fear And Paranoia Got The Best Of Me
9 hours ago
Marla Joy on I wish I had permission to - a poem about motherhood
9 hours ago
Marla Joy on I Am Paint
9 hours ago
Marla Joy on I'm Sixty Six Today! (5/12/24)
9 hours ago
Marla Joy on Breathing
10 hours ago