I’m like the wallpaper on somebody’s walls,
no one would even notice if I was being torn or ripped apart.
Until it starts to take over my attitude
my behaviour
my mood
Yet they see it like a tradition.
a sort of thing that happens once it’s ‘old’ enough, once I become a teenager.

But I’m breaking,
yet it’s masked by a genius at illusions,
just like the magicians that keep you guessing.
...

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Lying on the bathroom floor,
blade resting on the sink.
Unsure how to get up,
I feel myself begin to shrink.

Bloodied tissues looking down
on the mess lying below.
Beaded drops continue to form,
until heavily the must flow.

Shivering against the cold,
damp towel draped over.
Naked body frozen in fear,
flashbacks still they hover.

Passed out from exhaustion
of the war raging insi...

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Light bounces off the cold metal,
A virgin blade begging for skin.
Pant leg pulled up above her ankle,
Looking for an escape from sin.

Crimson forming behind the glide,
Not too deep she's in control.
The knot within comes untied,
She watches as the feelings roll.

She keeps fighting this battle,
One she feels she may not win.
But her blade, in turn, is evil,
Instead, it will let him ...

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The pain inside burns so deep,
Memories continue to creep.
Abandonment from mother dear,
A little girl consumed by fear.
Dying inside from unmet needs,
Another stroke watch as it bleeds.
Her shattered soul she tries to mend,
Alone she feels without a friend.
Another night she lies awake,
Dreams filled with dread and ache.
Into sleep, she'll surely succumb,
Just like his face will be sum...

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One foot in as she tests the waters,
Scorching hot, enough to revel in.
Tub over-flows as her body sinks,
Like her heart filled with so much sin.

Flames make shadows dance on walls,
Anxious they jitter from beneath the seam.
Chest tightens under the weight of 100 bricks,
As the air continues to thicken with steam.

Tile floor stained with a crimson splash,
So sure this way she would ne...

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Oh how I long for a blade,
Rubber bands don't do the trick.
A sting that feels so temporary,
Uncontrolled so goes the flick.

Oh how I long for a blade,
This welt is just not enough.
Repeatedly striking against my wrist,
Skin recognizes the bluff.

Oh how I long for a blade,
Cold stream of red is not the same.
Ice shrinking from inside my thigh,
So close to the origin of shame.

Oh ...

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Slowly pressure rises
Intensity growing
Water starts to dance
Anxious and on edge

Bubbles drift upward
Heat building 
Steam begging to escape
Aching and fed up

Too much to take
Kettle screaming
Rush over to lift it off
Stove glowing hot and red

Poured into a deep mug
Tea steeping
Feel it comfort from within
Relaxed and at ease 

Backdated 10/18/18

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Doing what I know
To feel better
Never been so low
Lines now a blur 

Backdated 10/18/18

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Tied down with fear
Grief heavy on my chest
Lifeless my body lies under the weight
Into my soul, your evil has infest.

Darkness screaming to escape
My skin rips from within
Shadows form until heavily they fall
Heart stained from crimson sin.

Monsters dance along the walls
Singing to the sound of desolation
Tangling the reel inside my mind
Burning through to confuse all emotion.

S...

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It calls me closer, its calls me near 
"Just once and it'll be over" 
Death whispers in my ear 
Irresistible is its sweet entice 
Staring down, which one to slice, 
I observe my previous tries 
My unseen hurt and earlier cries 
No peace in my mind, no peace in my head 
The quiet intelligent me, long since fled 
Anger and rage consumes me 
My minds demons bursting to be free 
The walls o...

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Her legs are like a motorway network

leading to know where

it’s congested

there’s been an accident

and everyone is pissed off

because it is going to take forever

to get home

how inconvenient

and when you get to the end

there’s a crash

and everyone slows

down

to look.

Please

stop.

Get out.

Help.

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On thy knees

Prays the lost lamb, reborn anew.

A young man of God with white 'round his collar.

Often he looks to the father

I look to the father

And I pray for more fun.

A son of God must have more to do, anything more interesting

The population of this city churns

Wishing that they could be more than what they are now

The lambs cry as I once did

I must not recall

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