Hi M

Raving over the section below which really sings but as ever loved all your words.

Win

"a swan, a mirror’s heart,
walks, with liquid rippling shoes,
aging where it was told to smooth,
with lacy will, the treadmill white,"

Comment is about It felt like a long winter. (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Not a pheasant plucker, Foxy; rather it's a cunning stunt, isn't it?

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I do edit some of them, but I really have to be careful which ones I choose to spend the time on. I've spent weeks taking a poem through drafts just to realize I've wasted my time, and I really don't have that much time to waste. I am a single father of two children, attend school full time, work as a part time probation officer three days a week, and I just don't have time.
I think your all misunderstanding me, it's not that I wouldn't like to try to take all my poems through the editing process, I would love to do that to anything I write that shows even the smallest amount of possibility. Realistically though, I will never have that chance, at least no time soon. I sit in the back of court rooms and write in little books that can fit in my pocket, I write in between classes, I write when I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for my kids to get out of school. These places allow me to quickly write what I can, not to examine every line and see what should be going where, what should be removed or added.
That's why I am so glad I found this website. You don't know how nice it is to be able to share a poem you have mixed feelings about as soon as it's written and actually have feedback. I would love to hear more harsh criticism, to be told more often what I'm doing wrong, but still, I love it. I usually have to hand my little notebooks to friends and wait weeks for them to get back with nothing more than a number at the top of a page (one through nine) which gives me a general idea of how much they like or dislike it. And to be honest, I can't really trust them, I think they are scared of hurting my feelings because they will rate dumb poems I put in there on purpose to be bad with 7's or 8's.
Look at me getting far from the subject. Anyway, about twice a year I'll gather together a couple hundred I think are deserving and seek out a self publishing place and make a book. It usually ends up costing me a couple hundred bucks, but poetry is my passion, I know there isn't a way to ever make a career out of it, but that doesn't matter much. As long as I think I have something to say, and a unique way of saying it, I'll be sitting in the back of courtrooms with my head down, scribbling in a little book that looks like it's been in my back pocket for too long.

Comment is about Untitled (blog)

I asked a friend's dad what his two siblings had died of in their infancy, one next to him in bed at two years of age. "Poverty, lad", came the reply. This was the twenties. The era you write about was when my grandfather died, of poverty too; having been in the trenches in WW1, the only work he could get back home was stoking the boilers at the power station. Refusing to eat much when his kids had so little, and working so hard, is what killed him.
One of the best dramas on TV for many a while was When the Boat comes In. Thanks for the memories,eh?

Comment is about No Jobs For A Man (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Blimey, Ken Dodd's Dad must be pretty ancient! Are you sure he's not dead too? :)(And are you a pheasant plucker John? I think we should be told!)

Comment is about Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Hello Cynthia,

The Sale open-mic was last Monday I'm afraid.

Sorry to hear that you've been ill and sorry that you missed it.

The next one is Tuesday 26th April.

Hope to see you there,
Rod :)

Comment is about Rod Tame (poet profile)

Original item by Rod Tame

thanks for the spelling mistake Ray! I am terrible with the comma also, I get rather tangled up with punctuation sometimes...
I am going to keep that 'of', I like the way that line draws out. So stubborn! Sorry!

Thankyou for the pointers.

Comment is about It felt like a long winter. (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

The language bubbles, it always does and the rhymes and near-rhymes are sweet.I could have done with a few less commas, particularly commas before "and".

the places gnawed, between the faces
and rewards, of one of the faces
being yours.
But the space is what lest report,

Do you need "of" one of the faces? Does that make sense? That last line takes some unravelling too.
lacy, not lacey.
Enjoyed lots.

Comment is about It felt like a long winter. (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Hi Ray - fascinating study about the ongoing effects of alcohol - entices the reader in wanting to know more about the person and the purpose - or is this just a typical student having bad hair day

Comment is about The Student (blog)

Hi Marianne - enjoyed all of this - particularly the third stanza and poignancy of the long winter statement at the end x

Comment is about It felt like a long winter. (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

I also thought of an incestuous connection.

With the others - I like this a lot, don't trash it.

Why do you bother writing all of those poems if you're never going to hone any of them? Just curious. If you're going to the bother of writing them, wouldn't you want them to be the best they can be?

Comment is about Untitled (blog)

Rod, when is the Sale open-mic? I had today in mind, but apparently not; at least no blurb about it. I've been ill. Have I missed some info?

Comment is about Rod Tame (poet profile)

Original item by Rod Tame

good stuff kealan.. one of your best i think. been in ireland the amount of times i have been over the past few years, i am well used to rain and storms so can really see this - lol.

get submitting this around M8.

Comment is about How Can god Be When Spring Rains (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Thank you for reminding us of the beauty and vibrance 'of tiny talk.'

Comment is about Tiny Talk (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thanks you so much Cynthia for reading and sharing your journey with the poems I am posting up. You are much appreciated.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thanks for having a look at Out of Season, David. I don't think it's particularly successful because it's too personal, and that restricts it, although I'm fond of it, because of what it means to me. Your poems are better at communicating, one thought leading to another, giving them movement. They flow.

Comment is about David Cooke (poet profile)

Original item by David Cooke

Hello Elaine
Sorry for the belated response - I've been browning my belly in Spain for the past week.
Thanks for your thoughts on I Dreamt You Were Little Again.
(Still no joy with the elastic!)

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

Hello Alison,
Sorry for the belated response - I've been browning my belly in Fuengirola.
Thanks for your comments on I Dreamt You Were Little Again.

Comment is about Alison Smiles (poet profile)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Ah Requium for a Renaud eh? What chance do they have on our roads. Nice poem Ann saw it a bit late in the day though x

Comment is about foxheart (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi David - many thanks for taking the time to read and comment on Jacob's Ladder - do appreciate the kind words

Comment is about David Cooke (poet profile)

Original item by David Cooke

A touching poem Ann. Reminds me I haven't seen our garden fox for quite a while.

Comment is about foxheart (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Yes, Cynthia, You did pretty well with the words you were given. Personally, I hate writing workshops. Just can't write to order - maybe wish I could have a go, but I can't!

Comment is about zone (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Very perky, Cynthia! LIke the playful use of rhyme. Clever, too, of Greg to remind us all of Hardy's great poem!

Comment is about Tiny Talk (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Cyntiha Good to hear from you again and glad you liked The Railway House. I've taken the opportunity to to check out this piece which I find very powerful and moving. David

Comment is about Trilogy of Heroes (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Cynthia - many thanks for commenting on Jacob's Ladder and especially for taking time to unwrap the various layers of allegory x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Cynthia - (When Man Has Gone) I am not sure why I arrived at a ten-toed foot other than to demonstrate an alternative form - I have responded in some depth on this and really appreciate your views. Thanks for commenting in such depth x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Jeff, thanks for your comments on 'No Job For A Man' - something had to come out of watching the entire re-run of 'When The Boat Comes In', hehe.

Best wishes, Dave

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Hi Fatima
Your work is ever-wonderful and you seem to be really going place with it since we first met you at the Wigan slam all that time ago.
Keep on doing what you are doing, and inspiring us all.

Comment is about Fatima AL Matar (poet profile)

Original item by Fatima AL Matar

"Somewhere the Sun" I feel expresses in a different way what I was going on about in JUNK.
I really like it-"the poets leapt like tigers/or wanted to" is great and funny : )
I'm in North Herts and am looking for more open mic opportunities-anything doing in Beds?

Comment is about David Mac (poet profile)

Original item by David Mac

Thanks for your comments on JUNK
Judging by the time of your posting, perhaps it was more than connecting with you! : D

Comment is about David Mac (poet profile)

Original item by David Mac

TV is brain washing but least your aware of it.

Comment is about The End of my Soul on Saturday Nights (blog)

Original item by David Mac

Hey Marianne, i'm glad you liked 'I am Whale'x

Comment is about Marianne Daniels (poet profile)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

OMg! Kealan, enjoyed this, it never rains but what it pours and Bolton prob not much different annual rainfall than Waterford! Wasn't sure about the rain in spring, as Rach says we need some rain for beauty, but whether (or weather ha!) it's the work of god or not, I've no idea!

Understand the rest of what you're saying and for me the jury will probably always be out! Some really well chosen words and lines, thought provoking. I've never been that religious but no worries if people are, just don't get it when belief becomes fanaticism and so on, but if it helps your average worshipper feel better then great.

Having said all that I do love going in churches for the peace and serenity and I'm sure something significant happened all those years ago! Never read the manual and at 49 I can't see me bothering really but did like your reflections on it and I'm sure you've got a good few points there! Oh well, hope you're well lad, catch ya soon, Jeff

Comment is about How Can god Be When Spring Rains (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

We don't know we're born these days Dave! Enjoyed reading these reflectiosn of the past, best wishes Jeff

Comment is about No Jobs For A Man (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

In a breath
We were born to die
The initial wonder
And the opening cry
Every foundation
A little white lie
Living too pure
To say goodbye

And as we go on
year after year
Haggling a price
That's still too dear
While every fall
Inflates our fear
Praying for the end
To be finally near

Day follows day
In one languid mope
Peddlers peddle peddling
Infinities of false hope
And love barely fetches
The price of old rope
As minds scar deeply
In an effort to cope

I wake on the morning
That I will be wed
Hot in my arms
My head against her head
A vision of beauty
In a sheet stained bed
We could get up
But sleep on instead

Comment is about goodbye (blog)

Original item by Melanie Coady

I am really shocked that your all saying work on it. I really don't know what it is about it that I don't like, I just don't like it. It may be how it switches styles in the middle or something, I just don't think it flows right, or that it relates what I wanted it to. I write 30-40 poems a day and I really don't have time to break down and edit every poem, so I really have to pick and choose which ones merit the time needed to become something I'd let get put in a book. I just don't think this one shows any promise of me ever liking it.

On a side note, Cynthia, wow, I never noticed that this could be an incestuous poem. Thanks for catching that possibility. I've not ever tried writing any poems about messed up family problems like that, I think you've inspired me to try my hand at some new material.

Comment is about Untitled (blog)

wasnt a 'Bedlington' terryuppier was it Ledge?

Comment is about Old Alfie (blog)

TRASH NOT!Terry,its an absolute wow of a poem-excellent use of simple words.a really lovely read.thank you.

Comment is about Untitled (blog)

a very unusual and brill poem(IMHO) Charlene.thank you.x

Comment is about Lockdown (blog)

ta Kool Koadys Kid for comments on 'Late revelations.mucho appreciated.x

Comment is about Melanie Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Melanie Coady

What about it don't you like, Terry? The way it reads, or what it is about?
The latter we cannot really comment on, only speculate about. The former is only problematic because it is still in draft, it seems to me. Some absolutely stunning lines in here, that make us eager to see the poem completed, edited so that all remains are the stunning lines.
One approach you could try is one we use in workshops: print it off, then cut out all the best lines, throw the rest away, then move the lines you have left around and see what it leaves you. It usually works a treat. Worth a try at least. stick them on a sheet of A4 with Pritt so you can lift them off and move them until you see what you have.

Comment is about Untitled (blog)

I think it's way too good to trash it.
I'd live with it a while longer & see if any trimming's needed (or additions) but it's a great read.

Comment is about Untitled (blog)

It's the 'Sliding doors theme isn't it Dave? The notion that we have choices at every turn, and each choice has its own implications. Like just missing the plane for some seemed a disaster at the time, until they heard the news later..
I agree with Cynthis about the power of those lines with the times in.
However, for me, the power is diluted by all the following lines except the last. if you took out the lines <Delayed by...> to <...you think>, and leave the last line in, I think it would be even more powerful, and more subtle. Just me perhaps.

Comment is about Routine is death; Death is routine (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

HaHa - it's a poem about you & your damn fox - was the foxglove not a clue enough?
a fox's words stole my heart = coromandel.
summer's almost here ? - you said it first ;)

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Cynthia - many thanks for commenting on Ireland with Betjeman - I did wonder how this might be perceived and who Emily really was especially in the light of some recent revelations that it may have been the late (?) Duchess of Devonshire from highest nobility in the land x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Shades of Pope's essay here:
Know then thyself,
Presume not God to scan
The proper study of mankind
is man.

Excellent company you keep in your writing Kealan.

Comment is about How Can god Be When Spring Rains (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Hi Cynthia

Thanks as ever for your kind comments on Routine is Death. I'm staying in the Rhondda at the moment and the driving on the dangerous hill roads round here contributed to the chain of thought. Curious what starts a poem isn't it.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I must own up at once to getting it a bit wrong, Ann! I jumped to the conclusion that this poem was about your late cat. Well done for what you did. This poem clearly has a lot of resonance.

Comment is about foxheart (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

That's a very mysterious comment Greg - my poem must be deeper than I thought - but then, maybe it is. Basically, it's just another St Agnes roadkill story. A beautiful fox was killed by a car (very near to where a badger, also a subject for a poem) was killed a few weeks ago. Couldn't bear to see her gradually disintegrate, so went out early this morning and carried her home to bury in my garden. I didn't want anyone to think I'm odd (me? Odd??:) so I went out at dawn - felt like Burke and Hare! But poor beautiful fox, safe in my garden now, under a rosebush. Name of rose is Glorianna. A good name for a fox I'd say! And I buried her with a rosequartz heart, for luck! Thanks for kind comments. xx

Comment is about foxheart (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I'll be back, Joshua.

Comment is about Home (blog)

Original item by Joshua Van-Cook