I think there are some stocks up at Rivington. (Just kidding) I thought the rhyming came across well when I heard this at the Tudor. Some good points about the bankers and high finanvce. No excuses though. But probably the most commented poem of the month - didn't want to miss out.

Comment is about Cause and Effect (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I guess the noises and stuff have always been there but we always put them down to the dog when some of them might not have been. (That's the rational explanation anyway) Haunting seems the wrong word. Presence maybe?

Comment is about Sparky (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Great poem Ray. Nice rhythm. Put me in mind of Bob Dylan's Hard Rain.
Dave

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

very good. I will it again later....

Comment is about Nothing Happens For A Reason (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Thanks so much for your encouragement. When I was here last year, even with critiquing others, I never quite connected. You're right though, it really is the way to get people to read your work.

Hang in there - something will come to you! I was having a dry spell myself and was getting a bit worried. I’m also into photography and usually go back and forth between that and writing anyway but I seemed to be uninspired for a little too long poetry-wise. Then one day, I as looking at one of my photos and heard the first few lines of a poem go through my head. So I started writing when inspired by my photography. I’ll be posting those but at the moment, I seem to have hit another block. I guess you never know where your inspiration will come from – but life sure does have a way of eventually sending you something to write about!

And thanks very much for taking the time to read and comment on “Waiting For A Star To Fall”. Very much appreciated!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Thanks Larisa!

Comment is about If being obtuse was an art form it would be called poetry (blog)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

I've never been able to write in a stream of consciousness so I envy you that ability.

This is a light delicate piece Lisa and works well as a short poem. I like Ray's idea of going from general to specific/individual. It makes for a sad, whistful ending. x

Comment is about Waiting For A Star To Fall (blog)

Original item by Lisa Milligan

I hope you stick with WOL. Like all places, it can appear to have a clique - those people are just regular contributors though - who have commented on each other's work and lives enough to have a rapport and be able to josh each other.

If you want to get feedback the best thing is to start reading the work of other poets and making comments. That attracts poets to look at your stuff. If you have been on other sites, you probably realise that by now. We have a lot of fun in discussions also.

Doing performance stuff is really good fun - you should try it. The only problem is that it is a hobby that needs feeding. If you're not writing or producing anything decent(which I'm not at the moment) it can get a bit depressing.

Ho hum - I sometimes wish I was a musician - it would be a whole lot easier to perform! Take care for now. x

Comment is about Lisa Milligan (poet profile)

Original item by Lisa Milligan

Nah, Andy - keep the past tense - it is more bitter-sweet and evocative, for me, that way! There's a sighing to the sound of the poem that fits so well. Understated, as Charlotte said which is why "just kissed chaos" is so powerful.

Do agree with Charlotte re: portals of doom though. I totally get what you mean but think a more original Andy N. version would strengthen the image. XXX

Comment is about My hometown (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Hi Isobel - thanks for writing me back! I very much agree that page poetry is from the heart and I can't write it any other way than for myself, which is why I post everything I have on each site. In my case also, it's definitely not commercial.

I do look forward to feedback, both to learn and grow but more to connect. It is a great privilege to me when something I write about my life's experiences resonates with someone else.

I've been on 3 other sites and one was a tremendous experience. Unfortunately, one bad apple spoiled the whole barrel so since then, I've been looking for another site but haven't found the feedback, connections, and evolving friendships that I experienced on that site. Sometimes what I run into is a site with a well established "clique". Sometimes, like I mentioned, I run into other poets that just "don't get" my writing or are uncomfortable with it. Obviously I miss it or I wouldn't be blathering on and on wasting your time! That comment in your Biography just struck me as ironic since it's similar to what has been going on somewhere in the back of my mind lately.

I like what you said about the social interraction that happens...how life finds its way into our poetry and discussion...and how we share it. I guess to sum it all up, the key is finding the right place.

I think it's really cool that you're on stage and wish you the best of luck. I admire the courage it takes to do that - good for you!!

Lisa

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

I think the lower case for your name is very telling of where you were then, who you were to yourself. I'm another idenitifier with this. Actually it has touched me more deeply than I care to say. Well, I have just said haven't I?! Thanks but in a way not thanks - I hope you know what I mean.

Its really good. Says it succinctly and has the ripples of meaning - you can read it over and the impact just grows.

Comment is about Early Learning (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

I enjoyed this Scott - a very abstract non emotive approach to what happened - which is what you were after. Your writing is very powerful.

You give the atmosphere of a post science fiction type apocalypse. Let's just hope these events don't keep re-occurring...

Comment is about ? (blog)

the best one you've written I really dig this !

Great opening and strong stanzas throughout. A bit of a tweak in lines 4 and 5 getting rid of repetition and you have a keeper.

One of the best I've read on here in a while.

Comment is about My hometown (blog)

Original item by Andy N

'kissing chaos' has to be one of the best images in this poem - it's unusual but really effective.

For some reason I would have preferred this poem written in present tense - I think it would flow better without all the 'hads' and used tos and it would feel sadder at the end - the loss would be more immediate.

I enjoyed it though. xx

Comment is about My hometown (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Well I hope you win your petition Ray...

Your work is always so well polished - genuine pieces of poetic sweat and toil. You deserve to be praised. x

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

Really evocative, packed with examples of pretty much everything! Great rhythm making it a real pleasure to read, to savour the words.

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

Thanks for your comment on my latest Anthony and for your musings...

I don't honestly believe that any of those youths mused over what bankers and dishonest politicians and got up to, before they went on the rampage - but that's just my opinion of course. As for the man who got accidentally shot by police... remind me not to pack an illegal firearm next time I go shopping or run away from a copper - it must increase the risks exponentially.

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Abdicating responsiblity for teaching right and wrong, failing to provide any form of discipline is a kind of neglect, isn't it? I imagine that in a lot of those families it goes hand in hand with giving children no time. It takes time to do any of this and time is one thing modern parents don't have - which would explain to some extent the reasons why a number of rich kids were caught up in this.

The only time where I think parents rightly struggle and can't be automatically blamed, is when drugs are involved. Drugs can alter a nice kid from a nice home, in no time at all. Most families have been touched by them at some level. It isn't easy for anyone to fight chemical addictions and win. I do feel for those parents.

Comment is about The Haves and The Have Nots (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Very powerful, Dave. The immediacy of the language realy packs a punch - shoots the reader right into the action. Very visceral:
"You have hidden the vomit, urine and tears". I do agree with Ray that perhaps you don't need the last 2 lines - it really is powerful enough and also wonder if you could lose the LMF and instead leave in the 3 words as a revelation of the meaning of the title? Just suggestions - it really is excellent. XX

Comment is about LMF (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Always great to see innovation of form. Nicely done, Dave. X

Comment is about Men and tears (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Dave, really enjoyed this poem of yours. A subtle and thoughtful piece which gets you thinking. Lots of great images. And the "camped" of the title highlights how temporary life is. X

Comment is about Camped (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

You've really got me thinking about this one.

I suppose page poetry, for me, is from the heart. I wouldn't write it for any particular audience - I'm writing it for myself. If other people like it or comment on it, then that's just a bonus. That may be because poetry and writing is a hobby for me. I have no commercial aspirations at all. If you are looking to make a living out of writing then it probably pays to write for an audience and to know that audience well.

Comment is about Lisa Milligan (poet profile)

Original item by Lisa Milligan

Thanks for paying me a call Lisa - nice to hear from you. I hadn't really thought about tailoring written material to a particular audience. The way I see it, everyone on line has options - they can choose to read your stuff or ignore it. Whether you miss the mark isn't quite so critical, like it is on the stage. If no-one likes your written stuff the only person to suffer is yourself - cos presumably you don't get feedback. If you are performing the wrong stuff on a stage your audience gets bored - you cease to entertain.

Having said that, I've only ever been a member of this poetry site. It fulfilled all my needs and I've been too lazy to look elsewhere. I've heard that on other sites more critical feedback is given. I suppose different sites must attract different types of poet, depending on what they are looking for. I like the social interraction that happens on this site. I find it fascinating the way life around us works its way into our poetry and discussion. We are all living it together - if that makes sense.

Comment is about Lisa Milligan (poet profile)

Original item by Lisa Milligan

Hello you - long time no see! I thought you were supposed to be flogging some books over summer - have you been doing it out the back of your jag? I'm glad to hear that you still have one and that it hasn't been fireballed. Thanks for your pawmark - I always love to read your witticisms! xx

Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

I thank ye Maam.

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Love the line about beating the streets with a windpipe. Powerful stuff. Love the writing style, very different

Comment is about ? (blog)

Aye, very evocative Andy, think the repetition in it works well too

Comment is about My hometown (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Great rhythm to this Ray - packed with images.

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

Yup - another excellent piece of writing. Storming along lately!

Beautiful

Comment is about If Women Grew On Trees (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Connected with this - mine consisted of everything I did with my physical body having to be symmetrical, every single action of every second. If I didn't get it 100% symmetrical, those actions would then need to be repeated. Also coughing in a certain way that hit a certain high tone. To be repeated if not hit correctly. Kicked it all into touch around 9 or 10 - occupied so much time and was driving me seriously mental. Like I wasn't already ;)

I absolutely love this Kealan. I also see parallels with observing the self in 3rd person. Kept a diary in 3rd person for years. Gives it that remove, doesn't it?

Comment is about Early Learning (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

blown away!

respect.

S.W.

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

brilliantly thought out,

S.W.

Comment is about ? (blog)

no apologies needed Harry.

for me you can repeat this forever!
-beautiful.

my best to you

Stef.

Comment is about (blog)

I seem to get the sense
of being back stabbed reading this.

lovely poem.

thanks.

S.W.

Comment is about Babe in woods (blog)

very, very sad kealan but really enjoyed it..

Comment is about Early Learning (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

excellent, ray... really enjoyed reading this - not sure if it is a good job having two lots of where and while's in the first stanza, but it's a excellent piece certainly.

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

hope it goes well, Jeff...

Comment is about Bolton becomes bi-monthly (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Liked this a lot Andy

Could I suggest replacing 'over' peoples hats with 'onto'

great emotion great ending.

Hope you are well

Win X

Comment is about My hometown (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Just been listening to the news about those appearing in court post-rioting.
Mother: He was only caught up in it, he was doing anything, he's only young.
Interviewer: Yes but he did have a hammer strapped to his leg!
Mother: Yes but he's only a kid.

Isobel's right, the parents should all be charged with neglect.

Comment is about The Haves and The Have Nots (blog)

Original item by Isobel

this has a kind of background emotion. though it isn't blatant, you can feel it and it is wonderfully moody.

"leaving me feeling
like i had just kissed chaos."
was especially effective and stays in my mind.

however, "like portals of doom" stays in my mind for the wrong reasons, i don't think it was very effective and it feels out of place with the rest of the poem. just a heads up :)

Comment is about My hometown (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Yes! A little more about...we. Very good words!
With best wishes,
Larisa

Comment is about If being obtuse was an art form it would be called poetry (blog)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

Thank you, people. Roger McGough does ads for Waitrose? I didn't know that.
More Midlands than The North, Tone.
I wrote this last winter or maybe even the one before and I only just realised that snow might have a drug related meaning. Not that I ever....
Should I ask about the hairs on the top of your head, Tom?

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

Thanks Anthony & Steve

@Ray I'm half Jamaican so the whole 3rd line is in Patois (where I often end up when less than happy) dutty=dirty.
The first line was added as I was trying to explain the piece's inspiration for the purpose of the Blog post and when I saw it rhymed I and liked the way it scanned I left it in. I think the conversation issue is perhaps a little picky (especially if you want the line to be succinct) but do agree your suggestion is more succinct and may even consider editing. (and now have!) Cheers

Comment is about If being obtuse was an art form it would be called poetry (blog)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

I like the poem, especially I liked
Should I discuss dis cuss, or choose to dash it far from us like some kind of dutty discus in disgust?
"dutty" though?
Also, I'd take issue with the opening line on two counts. It isn't much of a conversation - he's only got one line, though it's a good line!.
And it could be more succinct - A summation of a conversation with a local librarian.

Comment is about If being obtuse was an art form it would be called poetry (blog)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

The hairs stood up on the back of my neck when I read this Ray.
Well captured. Tom Mc.

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

"Shameless" literary exploitation of the non-working classes Ray. Wait until they suss out where you live! Made me come over all nostalgic for my northern roots. There, but for a brace of clogs . . . Enjoyed the read,

Regards,

A.E.

Comment is about I Live Over There (blog)

And I echo those sentiments as well, Kealan...
Lately you have delved to a deeper level of consciousness without so much anger, and it is powerful. I knew children like this too, and I have always had an affinity for them - to help in any way I could.

Comment is about Early Learning (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Thank you for commenting on my haiku "Anger".
The scary part is that it describes me too well.

Thanks
Shirley

Comment is about Kath Hewitt (poet profile)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

Hi Mark,

I liked the sentiments you express in this - especially:

"It’s about poet expressing a part of who they are."
"Thereby allowing you and me, an opportunity to see, Something that reveals to us a little more about... we."

Well put!

Regards,

A.E.

Comment is about If being obtuse was an art form it would be called poetry (blog)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

Hi Isobel - I was reading what you wrote in your Biography and it struck me that poets wanting others to read their work may need to think about their target audience (the people on each poetry site) and tailor which pieces they post accordingly. Or just realize that some sites have like-minded people that just "don't get" what one has written. I've found that to be true since I've posted on more than one site. Where one group will celebrate you, another will almost ignore you. Ironic, yes?

"Just my thoughts for the day...."

Hope all is well,
Lisa

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel