Men do talk about football instead of really talking, don't they? As the new season starts I'm trying hard to cut down. I wondered about losing the words "to some meaningful achievement", then read it again, and realised you do need it, for the rhythm as well as the meaning. The first two stanzas work particularly well, I think.
Comment is about Men Can't Dance (blog)
Original item by John Darwin
You hit the mark, MC. But I sometimes worry about that "plague on all their houses" thing. You see people interviewed in the street who rubbish all politicians, and you can tell they haven't bothered to think about it in depth at all. I'm not saying that's the case with you, of course!
Comment is about THE MAJOR POLITICAL PARTIES (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
This is very satisfying to read, Laura - condensed, tight and effective language, and with a story to tell.
Comment is about Bed (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Has a fantastic, nightmarish quality to it. I'm thinking John Wyndham. A great idea, Ann
Comment is about gulls (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Thanks Tracey, glad you liked it & its given the imagery & feelings that I wanted, There's still a lot of mills in Bolton, but there were around 200 at one time which I think is amazing & of course a different way of life X
Comment is about Cotton Town (blog)
Original item by Jeffarama!
<Deleted User> (6895)
Tue 4th Sep 2012 23:17
We think,tis your best one yet Lynn-
really nice.xx
Comment is about Crescent Moon (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
i really enjoyed your poem jeff :)
the monumental buildings that remain to symbolize a way of life & a ethic that's forgot,stand majestic to remind us who we are....
beautiful, nostalgic and heartfelt :)X
Comment is about Cotton Town (blog)
Original item by Jeffarama!
Thanks for your comments everyone. I'm glad if this struck a chord.
Dave - On the walk we took (last January), the landscape towards Aspull was still pretty bleak - flat and dreary looking - abnormally shaped. The trees around the small flashes were dead and bent over the water, much like a scrum. It reminded me of an alien landscape or something from a Dali painting.
Harry - thanks for picking up on that contrast. I think when you have kids of your own you are more keenly aware of human suffering - particularly for children. I wrote this for a competition so I bothered to read up on working conditions. I learnt about them as a child in our history lessons but the full enormity of their suffering didn't really register then. I actually found myself getting very upset just thinking about how their lives must have been.
Steve - I'm glad you are coming round to performance poetry :) It IS more about entertainment. My mum was a singer round the clubs and I grew up watching her reach out to an audience through music. The first famous live performer I ever saw was Shirley Bassey. Perhaps us performance poets are all failed musicians :)
Thanks for enjoying Laura - and Julian/John - if I get chance, I might try to edit some of the rough spots - or I might just try to write something else :)
Winston - :-P
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Just found this. Very funny. Dave
Comment is about Dedicated Follower of Thrashing (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Thank you Graham. I am delighted you liked the poem and I hope others will too.
Kind regards
David
Comment is about EDGE OF TOWN (blog)
Original item by David Subacchi
I can remember how black the landscape used to be and how dismal it was. The poem takes me back and sums up the mood of the time. Some good images. Dave
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Thank You Yvonne...don't forget you can now submit Poems to be featured on 'Poets Corner' thus giving more coverage for your Poetry and creating greater name awareness for you.
It is alo my intention to publish all the selected Poems in my PC Poetry Accomplices' booklet next year!
So I have now featured poems from - Joy France Laura Taylor and David Subbacchi...just Tag your poem with a 'PC' or private message me and let me know you are submitting a poem.
Thanks - Graham Robinson/Poets Corner.
Comment is about It Takes Courage (blog)
Original item by Graham Robinson
Ha! Not much to choose. Nice one.
Comment is about THE MAJOR POLITICAL PARTIES (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Great stuff - as usual. I like the squat stained stripey lumpen dough - perfect description. Imagine lugging that up the stairs! Also the conception theme is excellent. Thanks for comment on Compy Dompy too. Late but I've been v busy. Dave
Comment is about Bed (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
<Deleted User> (6895)
Tue 4th Sep 2012 21:07
<Deleted User> (6895)
Tue 4th Sep 2012 21:02
Its our place to thank you Mike
not the tuther way round
for this brilliant piece of work.
The quality of your writing
never diminishes.
Our best regards.xx
Comment is about Feeling and Reason (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
Hi David...I am pleased to inform you and all other Poets that your above poem 'Edge Of Town' has been selected as one of my featured poems of the month and will appear on 'Poets Corner' with immediate effect.
Thanks David and keep writing brilliant poems!
My Bests Graham
Comment is about EDGE OF TOWN (blog)
Original item by David Subacchi
Protests are pointless.
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
Excellent deeply felt poem Isobel, particularly
the contrast with the kids of today. The second and third `scenery` stanzas set the mood bleakly. (`stark` is dead right).
The airy spread of the kids climbing the trees is also a powerfully poetic contrastive image against the constriction of the ones in the mines.
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
I absolutely love the storytelling idea in here - puts me in mind of The Lost Boys. I get the feeling that you were lying in bed listening to the gulls, and did that narrative weaving that we all constantly do :)
Comment is about gulls (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
I've heard Isobel do this aloud at the Tudor and loved it
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Sustained fun that we can all identify with.
Especially those who go "private"! I once
uploaded a poem "No One Likes A Dentist" so I
sympathise with the content.
Comment is about The Dentist (blog)
Original item by Karen Robinson
Lovely. I tried to change a few words in my head, especially the 'stand forlorn' and 'for they do not..' which tweaked my anti-cliche, anti-archaiscism beeble boppers a bit, but in the end I decided it was...just lovely as it is.
Thank you.
: )
Jx
Comment is about gulls (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Let's do a demo! write to your MP. Person the barricades. Or a mass sulk outside the council offices?
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
Hello again :) Shy my arse ;p Good to see you again.
Re 'Purple' - I'm sorry you bristled on the dementia line. It is not intended to offend, obviously. My maternal grandmother died of Alzheimer's after 10 years of suffering with it, so it's always been there in my mind. I've long thought that I'd end up with it, so to pretend to have it in order to fund some luxury by stealing from the corporates just tickled me a bit and cheers me up about it. It still is a genuine plan too - I know I will be living in poverty if I get to pensionable age, I have no assets, I'll never pay the mortgage off, and I come from a long line of poor people, so this seems like a nicely rebellious act for when I'm old and vulnerable.
Yep, you were spot-on re 'homegrown green' ;)
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
This is a delight to read, Isobel, thanks to the rhyme and its rhythm, though I cannot get the vid to work, perhaps my ancient computer at fault.
And I agree with John that a really good edit could render it a damn fine poem. For my taste, it is overwritten (i.e. not yet edited down to its essentials). That is to say, if you remove the words that add nothing to its sound nor its sense, to leave denser text, ommitting many of the words 'the', would be a grand start, as you have in the excellent, spare line:
of coal truck full to brim
E.g.:
In our fathers' footsteps
the restoration trail
wooded hill and wetland
From Aspull to Haigh
or similar.
I love the wind and sky and draglines and it is a superb idea, too, this contrasting your kids' above-the-ground freedom with the lot of the mine children. Excellent stuff.
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Tide in or out
Only shipwrecked love
Can bring those
Salty kisses back.
Comment is about Sea (blog)
Original item by Katy Megan
What kind of over-70's do you see in your daily sphere! I agree that old age can look very funny, and privileged even. This poem covers a lot of ground, with humour ... a wry twist on 'Do not go gentle... etc. etc.'
But I bristled over the 'fake dementia' image; I find it hard to see that state as a joke; old age and dementia are not synonymous. The 'homegrown green' is hilarious (presuming 'weed' is intended.) Blame the Olympics... purple/aubergine will now be even more invasive everywhere. It no longer flags a 'free spirit' of elderly years.
Comment is about On Not Wearing Purple (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
In the Manchester Evening News on Saturday
Stockport Council are looking at ways to save money this is one of them.
Nothing has been decided yet but sometimes they do this to see what the responce is from the general public.
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
Laura, thanks for noticing that I've been a bit 'absent'. It has been a busy summer. You are really striding forward now. I must try to be a bit more 'entry active' with so many opportunities to be chosen for publication. Basically, I think I'm shy. Would you believe it! Maybe it's lazy. But I turned down one opportunity because I didn't like the script size offered. And isn't that the opposite of shy! What IS the definition of schizo? :)
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
That's St Ives in Cornwall btw.
Comment is about Two on the verge ... Sue Farmer and Ann Foxglove (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
<Deleted User> (10575)
Tue 4th Sep 2012 01:59
Dear John
I love the rhythm and rhyming. and I thought it well summed up the sides to Johnny; scary, nasty and soft,loving.
Johnny is alive and kicking. He still does the occasional gig; the last one was on the harbour wall at Dunbar in August. Its taken 4 years of nagging but he's been persuaded to publish via iliffe independent (aye aye?) iliffe.org.uk and his son put a pop mewsick video on utube.
Comment is about ON FIRST LOOKING INTO THE EYES OF JOHNNY SOLSTICE (blog)
Original item by John Z Hepworth
Cheers, Steve. A four-day coach tour hardly does it justice, but we saw a lot.
Comment is about Waiting for the next one (blog)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I wouldn't knock yourself Steve - there are enough others around to do that :)
We all have our own unique style. A lot of stuff you read on here comes across much better in performance - that doesn't make it a strictly performance poetry site though.
I wouldn't see your poetry as being strictly about the self either. You just chose a different route to write about some of the same themes that interest me - alienation, failure - and you do so in a very original way.
By input, perhaps you are talking about critique - in which case - yes - sometimes you have to hear a poem to be able to react to it fully.
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Thank you for the nice comments.
I have a recording of me reading The Dentist which I will upload.
I haven't got used to finding my way round this site yet.
Comment is about Karen Robinson (poet profile)
Original item by Karen Robinson
Nice one Hugh.Love the ending!
Steve Womack sing a great 'Dear Marge'-type song.
Comment is about Dear Marge (blog)
Original item by hugh
Thank you. I do love it when J does that. She's lovely :)
Comment is about Z (blog)
Original item by Ushiku Crisafulli
Strong images and you evoke powerful emotions here, Steve. I especially like the last two lines and the idea that not all memories were of good things.
Comment is about Penguin woman (blog)
Original item by Steve O'Connor
it is of course true to an extent, though I can't vouch for how your atoms may be assembled in the future, who knows maybe certain ones remain chained together after all most of the universe is unseen
Comment is about Nada (blog)
Original item by Paul Sands
HI Greg,
Thanks for you congratulations on my WOL poem winning the comp. it was so unexpected. XX
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thanks, Isobel for you kind comments on my WOL win '100 metres' and on 'us nolympics' xx
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
I need a sign for tongue sticking out :)--
If I used just 'moaned' I would have to say 'moaned about' and that sounds most unpoetic.
Stark is not a word that brings me shame either - though it is perhaps more fun when used with naked :)
I like the lines you pointed out. The line I like least is 'this our heritage of pain' - it seems contrived.
This is yet another poem where I set out to do non-rhyming and ended up rhyming.
I don't see any genius in here at all - just a lot of humanity. It's a less subtle, more emotive version of Charlotte Henson's mill poem. I like poems that can look beyond the self. Sometimes we take for granted simple pleasures - like being able to take a walk on a Sunday with moaning/bemoaning children :)
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Could also be your - Carburettor...Alternator..or...Flux Capacitator..
or could be a blockage in your fuel line...that's a swine
that is...
Nice Poem...
Please feel free to submit one for Entry to me at PC...that's Poets Corner as am looking for 2 to 4 quality submissions each month....to eventually go in to my 'Poets Corner Accomplices' anthology (at small cost to the poet)...copyright protected.
Just do your 'poetry blog' and Tag to 'PC' I will pick it up ok? (this applies to all Poets - thanks)
Kind regards - Graham
Comment is about Dear Marge (blog)
Original item by hugh
Hi Paul....
I love the clarity of this poem...the words and phrases are quite beautiful...they flow...like ' A River'...does...
'..the bubbling surface is equally policed'...
A typo or two...but still a lovely poem.
I would like you to 'tag the poem to 'PC'...that's my Poets Corner facebook page so that I can include it in September entries.
Basically I am featuring between 2 to 4 poems per month...to create and promote a Poet's Poetry..and then at the end of 12 months I will produce a Poets Corner Accomplices (anthology)...at very small cost to the Poet.
Thus promoting WOL...The Poet..Their Poetry and Poets Corner...let me know if you wish to proceed...grahamrobinson73@gmail.com or via PC private chat message...Thanks and Well Done!
Graham.
Comment is about By A River (blog)
Original item by Paul Sands
It seems half a poem half a lyric, to me. The first half is a (good) folk song and the second half a (good) poem.
You already know I'm going to hate the word 'bemoaned'. When was the last time your kids bemoaned anything? I'm sure they moan, but 'bemoan'? : )
Stark reminder? Give me a rest.
Is it a song...or a poem?
'cut free, till they were breath and wind and sky
and I
left grounded there....'
'iniquities of time
and all the lifelines lost to draglines
in girdle, harness , chain...'
Fucking genius!
You need an editor!
: )
Jx
Comment is about In the Footsteps... (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Lynn Dye
Wed 5th Sep 2012 09:29
I enjoyed this, Larisa - it's great to have pride in your hometown, and from all I have seen, it is a beautiful city. I think this would make a good song :-) xx
Comment is about ODESSA - MY PRINCIPESSA (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska