Cheers for your coms Charlie. I see you made a couple of changes. It doesn't necessarily detract from your initial emotion at the time of writing to look back and make alterations. More often than not a few careful changes will strengthen rather than detract. Replacing 'remorseful' with 'passionless' avoids the repetition of what I would call a 'big' word within a fairly short piece. Not that there's anything wrong with repetition, it's certainly part of my style, but some words can sound clunky when repeated. Same with end of line rhymes. I try to avoid anything too obvious but if I get stuck I'm happy checking out rhymezone.com for help (am I allowed to say that?) Thanks for liking the 'short but giddy rhythm' in my piece, I'm glad you found it, sometimes it's hard to come by. Looking forward to reading some more of your lines. x

Comment is about Silly Mistakes. (blog)

Original item by Sharlie

love your poetry :)

Comment is about Susan Darlington (poet profile)

Original item by Susan Darlington

haha! thanks for the funny comments guys! xx

Comment is about beer house bust up (blog)

Intimacy of the mundane is great poetic material. You capture it well. Also the rippling effect of a single potent image.

Comment is about A&E (blog)

Good strong ideas with potent language to match. The metaphor never flags -which takes good concentrated writing. I did like 'the finger first' point, as it indicated some degree of responsibility for not hurting the female body unduly and shows also some degree of mutual acceptance of the sex act. Intercourse is just that - nothing more - and you capture the purely physical very well. And then you punch out the real issue of the poem.

It's not easy to write about sex without implying erotica, but sex and sexuality are fair subjects for good poetry.

Comment is about Take Away Love (blog)

Cynthia - many thanks for your kind words on 'Caught Out'.
I had never written a haiku before this and 'Crow' and had steered clear as I never truly understood them until I got the chance to research the history recently. I'm glad you enjoyed my efforts and took the time to read it more than once (which I now believe is the secret to this style).

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

You are welcome, Taff :)

The blog has been updated this morning.

Comment is about Remembering the Lancashire Fusiliers at Gallipoli readings in Bury and Rochdale (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

An excellent little poem exposing a very keen topic that all of us need to think about. Keep writing. Check 'privileges'.

Comment is about that could be me (blog)

Original item by Cierra Breeze Potts

I so agree - very clever - took me a moment - but worth it.

Comment is about Louder Than Words (blog)

Original item by CathyLCrabb

Really good - atmosphere is everything - disparate details add up - personal to observational - to political - and back to very personal with potential 'borders crossed' - very interesting.

Do you ever find 'symbolism' an unending monkey on your back? I have to fight it sometimes, or better still, laugh at it - or it is rough rider. Have you any idea what I'm talking about?

Comment is about Is this what borders do? (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Thanks, Martin and Laura. Sometimes I do worry whether I might be losing my touch.

I think the line that Martin highlighted is like throwing a bucket of paint at a blank canvas: no preconceived point, but somehow it works, and you leave it, without monkeying around.

Comment is about The Glaswegian (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

HI Laura,
Please don't apologise for not having time to write long comments on my stuff - I'm pretty excited that you took the time to have a read and comment at all - so thanks :))

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

HI Jackie, Thanks for your kind comment on the ramblings, good to know others can relate - the injustice of being punished when you don't know what for, unforgettable ;). I'm sure I've probably given my own kids some similar memories...

Comment is about Jacqueline Phillips (poet profile)

Original item by Jacqueline Phillips

Hi Jackie, This brought such a big smile to my face, I have a 7 year old boy, and can so relate :)

Comment is about Sitting On A Chair Arguing About Computing (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline Phillips

Thank you Shirley-Anne Kennedy. I'm going to email Eileen tonight.

Comment is about Remembering the Lancashire Fusiliers at Gallipoli readings in Bury and Rochdale (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Just as there are 60 minutes in an hour and 60 seconds in a minute, there are 60 tick-tocks in a second and 60 wiff-waffs in a tick-tock.
It has always confounded me why there are 24 hours in a day. The duration of a day is set by the earth's axis rotation, and a year by its rotation around the sun. But what fixes an hour?
Wouldn't it make more sense to have 18 or 36 hours in a day, based on the globe's lines of longitude. But then what fixes the lines of longitude?
Napoleon got it right when he suggested metricating the hours in a day and minutes in an hour and seconds in a minute.
Even Napoleon gave up at tick-tocks and wiff-waffs, though!

Comment is about TICK TOCK (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Hi Taff

Please email poems to Eileen. Her email is:
eileen.earnshaw@yahoo.co.uk

Thanks :)

Comment is about Remembering the Lancashire Fusiliers at Gallipoli readings in Bury and Rochdale (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Where's the link to the organiser, Eileen Earnshaw, if I'd like to contribute a written piece to it please?

Comment is about Remembering the Lancashire Fusiliers at Gallipoli readings in Bury and Rochdale (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thank you. It was recently published in the Interpreter's House.

Comment is about Myriam San Marco (poet profile)

Original item by Myriam San Marco

Brilliant. I love this.

Comment is about art day (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

Beautiful, thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.

Comment is about The Little Flower Boy (blog)

Original item by Ged Thompson

Mad rush lately Cynth but just wanted to stand up and applaud this amazing poem. Love narrative poems and this has such beautiful language and syntax.

Comment is about The Glaswegian (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Yep, I like this too. I also enjoy reading the tags to your poems :)

Comment is about shared (aug/sept 2013) (blog)

Original item by Zach Dafoe

I like this a lot, as with all your stuff. Great use of repetition and rhyme, and, well, everything.

Comment is about art day (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

Hi Sharlie, I kinda like your theme here although maybe it gets a little lost in the middle. Perhaps cutting a few words would help, pare it back and make them count. 'Refractive remorse' / 'remorseful eyes' with 'emotional demise' doesn't work for me. 'Tired' is a typo? I'm no expert so feel free to kick back at me. x

Comment is about Silly Mistakes. (blog)

Original item by Sharlie

What stirs underneath is clearly captured
expression in such superb dramatic vigor
cleverly released from this cunning collaboration .

Comment is about Easter WoL Collage Poem (blog)

Original item by Stockport WoL

I enjoyed this too, Martin, especially the last line. Great conclusion.

Hopefully, illness is past tense. Perhaps I will see you next Tuesday in Sale. Thanks for a comment on 'The Glaswegian'. The line you mentioned started the whole poem.

Comment is about There was a time (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

This is really interesting - very readable in style and content.I do enjoy your contributions to discussions and your comments on the work of others.

Comment is about Everyone knew but me. (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

I like this theme - and the touch of Liverpudlian tenderness.

Comment is about The Little Flower Boy (blog)

Original item by Ged Thompson

thank you all x

Comment is about The Armed Man (blog)

Original item by Anna Grinter

I like your type of writing and I enjoyed reading some of your poems :)

Comment is about Eva Elizabeth (poet profile)

Original item by Eva Elizabeth

Morning Martin. Thank you for your lovely comment on A&E. So chuffed the words formed a picture. Thanks once again.

Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)

Original item by Martin Elder

Morning Tommy. Thank you for reading A&E and your comments. Yes you read it absolutely spot on. I was very undecided about blogging that piece but your comment reaffirmed my decision. Thank you.

Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Loss is an absence hard to fill.

Comment is about A&E (blog)

Hello Andy, It was great to meet you too and thanks for taking the time to read, your advice and listening round the back!! I really enjoyed listening to everyone on the night - you all read so well. I will check out Jeff's night. Is it on the same day as the Wigan event in the afternoon?
You obviously have been writing for a while so I will grab a cup of tea one Sunday afternoon and have a proper read.
Lynn

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

thank you jackie - I'm pleased it made you laugh.

Comment is about elliott poems 1 (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

Thanks do much guys for your comments. I feel mega smiley now. :-)))))

Comment is about BRAIN BUGS (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline Phillips

I really enjoyed reading this, as Natalie says, you definitely have talent. The image of his poem literally being eaten, popped into my head as I read that line, although I am sure you meant it in a more metaphorical kind of way, and it made me laugh out loud.

Comment is about elliott poems 1 (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

Once again Zach, you truly moved me with this poem. It has an economy of words, without that superfluous excess which so often interferes with the flow and theme of a work, and it managed to, for me, paint a full and detailed picture of both situation and emotion. You should be proud.

Comment is about shared (aug/sept 2013) (blog)

Original item by Zach Dafoe

Great images Jane, you've not written for a while! Thanks for your comment on Build a Fire, glad you like it, ps its Bolton WOL at Brooklyn this sunday, be nice to see you :-)

Comment is about Love in the Cosmos (blog)

Original item by jane wilcock

Thank you Harry. Your description of the poem's ''delicate hesitancy'' is bang on. That's exactly the feeling the poem grew from.

Comment is about UP FOM LONDON. (blog)

*sends angel*

Comment is about elliott poems 1 (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

best times of our lives eh Martin? were you any good at decking on the park roundabouts to impress the girls?

nice trip down memory lane! cheers matey! x

Comment is about There was a time (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

I didn't know about Donne, Harry, but confess I read something similar in a comment from Anthony Emerson who posts on here from time to time and whose comments are well worth reading.

Comment is about Legs (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

This is clever.This is hilarious.This is my kind of place.
You'll recognise me if you see me there.I'm the one wearing the armour! ;o)....fab! x

Comment is about beer house bust up (blog)

sorry phil only seem your comment now , i would say walking as the words have time to fit what you see , if you see what i mean , thanks for comment

Comment is about David R Mellor (poet profile)

Original item by David R Mellor

You and Donne both, John...you and Donne both.

Comment is about Legs (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Travis,
I agree completely with John`s comments on this.

I tried re-doing it in longer lines and couplets but it lost completely, the delicate hesitancy you have managed.

I like the sense of danger in that `banking`

There is an overall wistfulness about it which makes it feel like a letter that was written - but never sent.

Enjoyed very much.

Comment is about UP FOM LONDON. (blog)

Thanks very much John.

Comment is about UP FOM LONDON. (blog)

Deep, meaningful and heartwarming. Its a good poem :) well done

Comment is about Live Long, Die Old (blog)

Original item by Aly Hatcher