Col, great comments and very much appreciated. Ooh, religion, there's a topic and a half, glad peace broke out in your household afterwards! Paul

Comment is about Truth and Lies (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Genius first verse! A shed load of talent!!

Comment is about YOUR FIRST HUT IS THE CHEAPEST (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

I would have liked to have seen a glimpse of his vulnerability thrown into the mix too. Strong descriptives but who is he? We didn't find out.

Comment is about a king without a crown (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

unusually to the point for an SB offering but excellent nonetheless - and bizarrely the word 'titan' and the subject of 'leylines' have both been very recent topics with my teenage boys.

I guess bouncers are a necessary evil, I'm just glad I don't have any reason to interact with them or their neanderthal ways anymore.

Comment is about a king without a crown (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Love the poem. It tugged my heart strings. I am an animal lover... True story? If so, speedy recovery puppy. :)

Comment is about JOY GONE BAD (blog)

Original item by lynn hahn

gosh, reading this comes hot on the heels of a massive in-Hill-house post evening meal debate on religion last night - the details of which I will spare you! - it ended harmoniously btw and we settled down to watch Dragon's Den on the iPlayer.

as always Paul your work is way better than just good and every word and line simply slides effortlessly into the next. The layers of thoughts are like the layers of lies that have constructed our societies and trained our mouths and embedded in our minds - I think we touched on that last night - me and the fam!

'more storeyed than the Burj Khalifa' - what a gem.

cheers
Col

Comment is about Truth and Lies (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Lovely poem.

Comment is about JOY GONE BAD (blog)

Original item by lynn hahn

I kinda like this Zane and the feel of some of your other pieces but I would say be careful using so many very obvious and simple end of line rhymes. Sometimes they can hold a poem back, make it ploddy, if that makes sense. Try spreading them out a bit thinner or mixing them up by sticking a few in the middle of a line. Just play around and see what happens, there's no hard and fast rules. Hope you don't mind me saying. All the best and keep posting. Colin

Comment is about Drunken Thoughts (blog)

Original item by Zane

hello Ralfy! and welcome to WoL. So glad you liked my sample poem and very generous of you to say so. Your writing is intriguing and I look forward to reading more. I would suggest just post one or two poems a day (or less) rather than be tempted to swamp the site with a whole ton of work. It's just they tend to get gobbled up by the system and it's harder for people to notice them. Lots of excellent writers here on WoL and it's a great place to learn if you take the time to interact and read what's out there.

all the best
Col

Comment is about Rafael (poet profile)

Original item by Rafael

Stuart, in my short time on here this is one of the most interesting pieces I've read, the words and images have stayed in my mind since I first read it......for me, what marks out a poem is whether it moves me, makes me think and is memorable and this is ticks all those boxes! Paul

Comment is about i will ruin everything eventually (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Ray, another great story, love the style, the piece reeks of character! Paul

Comment is about IN THE VALLEYS (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Aythankgyow.

Nice one Ray. I think I will have to respond with a back handed volley of my own Valleys poem re-blog. This feels like a game of poetry tennis! 15 all?

btw, I used to occasionally frequent a pub back in my home town of Shoreham-by-Sea just below the railway station called the Burrell Arms. Back in it's heyday it was a hotel and stopping off point for the horse drawn tram which went all the way to Brighton. By the time it got to my era the hotel had slipped a long way from it's former glory and was definitely more of a spit and sawdust pub. The landlord would always say Aythankgyow in a long drawn out manner which I still imitate to this day much to my own amusement and no-one else's!

Cheers!
Col

Comment is about IN THE VALLEYS (blog)

Original item by ray pool

This is an awesome play of words, I definitely agree with Colin.

Always lots of fun when the tongue also becomes apart of the poem! great job

Comment is about My Story (blog)

Original item by Sharvari

Thank you so much for your motivational words Colin ?

Comment is about My Story (blog)

Original item by Sharvari

Brilliant Stuart.

My favourite line:
tattoos like cartography, mapping his descent from nubile, frosted youth.

Raj

Comment is about a king without a crown (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Very moving. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this Claire.

Comment is about Mirror, Mirror on the Wall (blog)

Original item by Claire

That turn around in the end was awesome...From start to end actually the poem was quite captivating

Comment is about You're too complacent (blog)

Original item by Alonelymouse

LOL yes this is a package deal with the poem "REAL MAN".
tough year for sure. 2017 has to be better.

Comment is about SILLY OLD MAN (blog)

Original item by lynn hahn

Really so nice to get the sort of praise that inspires me to continually strive to please and pass on my thoughts to the likes of you in your own poetic practises. Colin: I think you have a point about the analogy , certainly an issue which deserves attention to say the least. I'm glad you transcribed some of the qualities of our fox to the less fortunate.
Lots of foxes get run over -always worth keeping an eye out for, my wife's aunt always puts chicken out for them!

Thanks for liking this Paul. Incidentally I know you have been uplifted by comments on the site and have been drawn in to the creative pot which is evident to me through channelling your skills . A give and take situation !

Stu, lovely you're back with your worthy thoughts and putting your own stuff on too - you do me credit, sir.

Just to let you all know, following Colin's poem in a similar vein( and after your suggestion thanks) i'm reposting In the Valleys . I hope it might appeal !

Aythankgyow.

Ray

Comment is about FOX (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Best to ask first, Stu. Otherwise he might think you're after his pot plants.

Comment is about VILLANELLE FOR A SHED (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

This seems to be about twins in the womb. One was stillborn and the other was born healthy. However, the soul of the stillborn child was reincarnated as a baby somewhere else and it's twin still feels the connection. Well that's my take on it.
Really neat writing. Props to you.

Comment is about Baby's Cry. (blog)

Original item by angi largatzis

Cheers mate! Good to be back! Hopefully the first of many!

Comment is about I (blog)

Original item by Matt

Thanks Juan Pablo, I really appreciate your comments. Paul

Comment is about Truth and Lies (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

no but i think the guy up the road at 54 has a more spacious garden, possibilities there perhaps

Comment is about VILLANELLE FOR A SHED (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

That's true talk.
When I read the first line I thought truth isn't that tricky,
but then you went on and fleshed out your conception that all I could do is nod and agree with your poem.
I believe no one teaches us to lie, we just resort to it for a false sense of security due to our fallen nature and bad habits.

Comment is about Truth and Lies (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Stu - does your neighbour at 33 have one you could rent?

Comment is about VILLANELLE FOR A SHED (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

great stuff john. never got the chance to have a shed (small garden) but at 31 i still hold out hope.

Comment is about VILLANELLE FOR A SHED (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

written with all the skill of a master id say. have to agree, the nuzzle/humpty line is a classic. great stuff.

Comment is about FOX (blog)

Original item by ray pool

i like this a lot. the first line is brilliant and i dont mind the exposition so much, the last two lines are especially nice.

Comment is about Stellatus (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling

how lovely. so short and yet very sweet.

Comment is about Show me (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Love the almost serreal feeling it paints for me.....Jeff...

Comment is about 'The carbon cycle' by Alex Smith is Write Out Loud Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Hi Tommy, I think that you have been clever here to examine the role of poetry and how it can be too sassy or impressive to really deliver - some of us are caught up in a storm of wonderment . Maybe it is a symptom of us today that we like all the add- ons in our lives and should all go back to solidity for a while at least. For some reason I was reminded of a sort of rubik cube with this poem!

regards, Ray

Comment is about Wandering expositions (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

well I for one think its pretty good. Well done everyone.

Comment is about January 2017 Collage Poem - Hungover (blog)

Original item by Stockport WoL

very good Tommy. Right on the money with this one.

Comment is about Wandering expositions (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Thank you all.

Thanks Hazel and Colin for saying I am not preaching. This is good because I don't always relate well to teenagers. But these guys were just walking down the street in twos and threes enjoying themselves and it was joy to see.
Thus I take your point Ray about not judging and the amount of bad press they get.
elp you are so right about the innocence that exists there. It is so easy for them not to realise what they don't know.

Paul and Colin I am glad you like the rhythm of the piece, it just came to me as I saw them. I am not sure whether I had been listening to some music in the car but suspect I had been which would have helped with the overall pace, but also with the way they carry themselves.

Cynthia it is always pleasure to have you read my work I am grateful and hope to see you soon.



once again
Thank you all. I am always humbled when other poets like my poems

Martin

Comment is about Not yet sixteen (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

It's terrific to have you back in the North. And active.

Comment is about Steve O'Connor (poet profile)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Hi Martin,

Fabulous poems as ever last night, well done.

I had to write and say Kate Tempest - wow! Thank-you so much for pointing me in her direction. I'm watching her perform at The Royal Court and am blown away.

Yet again I'm reminded of how high the bar is!

Nic x

Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)

Original item by Martin Elder

Thanks Graham, dirty postcard humour sauciness got the better of me for the final lines....?

Comment is about Adolescent 1972 (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

There is definitely something about this piece!
There's a mystique which defies my ability to get to the heart of this.
I want to know more Alex!

Comment is about 'The carbon cycle' by Alex Smith is Write Out Loud Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Yeh! Well put like that I guess you're bang on Paul.
It could be any of us (blokes). Less said the better ?

Comment is about Adolescent 1972 (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Thank you Col, I'm incredibly grateful to you for such glowing appreciation of this piece, honestly, I'm deeply touched. It's strange and wonderful this process of writing poetry, isn't it? Once I had the first 6 words and the idea to describe the boy to man transition, I soon had a head full of lines! I decided not to include several other lines about clothes (button-downs, parallels, como shoes and Crombie coat) as they distracted from the last line! Paul

Comment is about Adolescent 1972 (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Ray, I love this too, it captures the sharp and stealthy nature of the fox so well, and more great lines, including "nuzzles the bins, their humpty backs". Thanks for posting this. Paul

Comment is about FOX (blog)

Original item by ray pool

this is very enjoyable and trips off the tongue joyfully Sharvari ?

Comment is about My Story (blog)

Original item by Sharvari

love this and love them.

I like that you get straight to the point with 'sad ignoble fox' - that Mr Fox has been forced to come to the big city to make a living and has now become a scrawnier version of his country cousin.

I can't help but think there is an analogy hidden here - with migrants past and present who have moved from country to city and ended up scraping a living in the slums and shanty towns of the poor - where they 'may strive may thrive' and 'where death may hide' in the search for food and a better life.

Cheers
Col

Comment is about FOX (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Like it Aishah,

It looked like it was heading for a fatalistic end and then the twist. You rise again like the phoenix...
"blissfully climb forever."

Raj

Comment is about You're too complacent (blog)

Original item by Alonelymouse

excellent Paul - the first two lines are a masterclass in how to start a poem with just 6 well chosen words spread equally over two lines and you follow this with liberal smatterings of x's and double consonants - seed, shedding, bumfluff, uttering, attract, bass, opposite. As Rose pointed out, simply written but the language is beguiling and breathtaking in equal measure which makes it a joy to read. Top stuff. Col.

Comment is about Adolescent 1972 (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

some great lines here Leo - in order of personal preference I would say verse 4, then 1,2,3. Thanks for posting, Colin

Comment is about Winter's Wolf (blog)

Original item by Leo

very nice

Comment is about On the death of David Bowie (By Emma/written in 2 minutes when I woke up!) (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling

interesting idea although I find the explanation of the idea at the end somewhat unpoemy and wonder could it have been expressed another way within the main body of the poem? Just a thought but this made me stop and think and read a few times so thanks for posting EJS.

Comment is about Stellatus (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling

show me laughter
more beautiful
than a poem

Comment is about Show me (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge