Drunken Thoughts

Sometimes the minutes turn to hours,

As i think of that rainy day on the first of november,

I stood in your drive with a bouquet of flowers,

And I helped you save worms, do you remember?


Water fell that night in a slow silent mist,

And i felt its chill until we finally kissed,

Deep and slow without reservations,

We gave it all away, no hesitations


Still today I can't shake this thought

I used to be strong, but in these changes you've brought,

The bottom of a bottle i’ve so often sought,


I feel pain so fresh everyday,

On the thought that our love has gone away,

I wish it had never run, I wish it was here,

But since it's not, I'll just drink another beer,

And in my sluggish head maybe I can say,

That i don't love that girl and wake up the next day,


I can't think of your name and not feel sick,

Nothing hurts me like the distance of this riff


In everything I see and all the actions I do

I hope and pray they'll lead me back to you

But if they do not I guess i'll just say,

Best of luck to you, for me, it's another drunk day

◄ 2017


<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 11th Jan 2017 09:10

I kinda like this Zane and the feel of some of your other pieces but I would say be careful using so many very obvious and simple end of line rhymes. Sometimes they can hold a poem back, make it ploddy, if that makes sense. Try spreading them out a bit thinner or mixing them up by sticking a few in the middle of a line. Just play around and see what happens, there's no hard and fast rules. Hope you don't mind me saying. All the best and keep posting. Colin

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