How do you get Englishmen

and sometimes Russians too,

to talk of mice and sheep's insides

in words they cannot say.

Just give them a malt whixky

with a screeching piper's tune.

Tell them they are cultured

and speak of Rabbie Burns.

Another glass of whisky

and they're waxing lyrical

with a gallic twang as broad they can

while chomping haggis down.

Another day they all will say

that offal they don't touch.

They'll curse at bagpipe music

and won't like poems much.