Rudyard Kooistra on
5 hours ago
Tuesday 7th September 2021 8:07 am
The phantom of the past is a memory of the day that were loat in flame of understanding an love an grief
the phantom of the past is a shadow the haunt you from the memory you never let go of
the phantom of the past is a poison of the few an many thing that are hard to swallow
the phantom of the past is a keeper of learning through the ashe of mistake an power of it hold you to
Saturday 17th July 2021 6:02 am
We didn't know it was all in our mind.
We didn't know we were being unkind to ourselves.
How we let ourselves get bad.
We didn't know that we were cruel
Why couldn't we forgive our own mistakes,
Like we did the ones that others made?
We never practiced self-defence,
Unless it was to wrap us round in chains.
Why couldn't we be good
We didn't mean to hurt...
Sunday 6th June 2021 11:13 am
I'm in my body for tonight
Present in my head
And my fingers and my toes
But what of when the tide turns
And we shift into dissociated states
Clinging to anything that gets me away from me
Holding space for anything that is an escape
I'm in my body for tonight
But tonight is not forever
So enjoy is while is lasts
Monday 24th May 2021 11:21 am
I am a shattered vase
Pieces picked from the floor
And placed back together.
Sharp broken shards
Holding on with everything I've got
Just trying to keep the water in
Pretending I'm in tact
Not a shattered broken thing
From afar I'm a vase
Unlike any other
Proudly displaying flowers of many kinds
But get too close and you can see my cracks
Try to touch me and you mi...
Tuesday 18th May 2021 12:07 pm
I can feel you're scared.
Anxiety a rubber band wound tightly around your heart
Dread like nails pinning down your feet where you stand
Despair, sitting in your stomach, churning evermore
You carry sadness around on you
It poisens your words
Flattens your hair
Wrinkles your clothes
The sad stench of it radiates through your pores
And if I can take it away,
If I can h...
Friday 14th May 2021 11:18 am
When your brain is used to trickery
It eats itself alive
Deceit is all you know
And the way you have survived
Be vigilant with friends
And vigilant with foes
On guard for lies so constantly
Analysis in tow
Are they truthful in their words?
Your brain it analyses
Putting piece and piece together
A puzzle it disguises
There's a slip says your mind
Some evidence of fole...
Thursday 13th May 2021 10:08 am
It’s all a clue.
I’m the singular factor:
God and I have an understanding about truth.
Saturday 3rd April 2021 5:38 am
hurting, melting, head caving
my head so broke inside
trying to hold it together
but i feel so far from fine
suffocating, shaking, heart racing
my body responds in fear
trying to reason with myself
though it doesn't help it clear
aching, receding, soul's numbing
my mind is shutting off
trying to hold onto reality
but i feel so very lost
falling, stalling, chest pounding
Wednesday 10th March 2021 11:07 pm
Every time the glass of your skull
Crashes into the fist of another memory
To crush you where you stand
Because another memory has broken you
Because another memory has entered you
Like intruders, they force their way inside
They punch their way into your attention
They invade your heart
Until you must look at them
All so that they can violate you again
Tuesday 23rd February 2021 6:29 pm
I feel more and more like broken glass
as each day has gone pass.
I try to stay strong
while everything goes wrong.
I don’t wanna upset them,
they think that I am as beautiful as a gem.
Why can’t I see myself as they see me?
Why must I lack so much glee?
I need my friends to make me happy,
because without them I feel so sappy.
I hate that I must admit that I’m no...
Thursday 18th February 2021 4:01 pm
I don’t wanna be here
and that may be hard to hear.
I’m sorry for always letting you down
because when I do, it makes you frown.
It’s become second nature to fake a smile,
because being happy is the new style.
I hate it when we argue and fight.
I hate it so much, it makes me cry at night.
I think I’ve run out of tears
from crying all these years.
I cry in the car...
Wednesday 17th February 2021 3:56 pm
Love was never anything they ever gotten or actually felt.
No one to ever check on your heart to make sure it was upkept.
From a child you held on to this misery & it crippled your health.
Afraid to talk about to friends & even family & too much pride to get help.
The building up of emptiness, anxiety, pain & s...
Monday 1st February 2021 11:42 pm
I put my head on the pillow and drift off….
Shiva sweeps aside the remnants of yesterday:
Gains, strivings, losses and ambitions
Clearing the table for tonight’s game
Flanked by greater and lesser angels and demons.
I’m lost in dreams while a silver ball spins against the
roulette wheel of my soul.
Each number an affection, a state of being
randomly selected for t...
Thursday 28th January 2021 9:17 pm
The natural order of things isn't always in our favour.
A pre-historic and historic truth much harder to see in modern times
When all the obvious imperative threats are gone or tamed.
But imperative threats are healthy,
Preventing our mind from twisting around a thousand minor matters
Which it never was designed to do and never should
Unless we can evolve our minds or methods.
Wednesday 27th January 2021 1:19 am
Weave me into your joyous network cruelly
Entombed in humming cables spooling
All the edges are skewing
Hooks luring in the dark
Fatal spark ends transmission
Good intentions, outweighed by outcome
Harvesting doubt under hot sun
Can't hide, can't run
Friday 22nd January 2021 3:12 pm
They come to me when things are still
And leave me without choice to hear
The things I've heard and know too well
Of tired topics,
To be clear
I, myself and just the ears
Without chance to think, or speak
It seems all I do is overhear
Their endless banter of
Seldom, do I have a moment
Today, for instance
Was particularly loud
Friday 22nd January 2021 3:05 am