Poetry Blogs (2019, Suicide)
You try to trick
You try to play
But I told you
I won't let you stay.
In my head
You've made a home
Constantly screaming and
Finding space to roam.
Playing on repeat
Every reel I cannot stand
Scenes of trauma, the
Torture of your own brand.
I said go away
Told you I'll break,
It only gets worse
When I lie awake.
So I'll take your tools
And take away your space.
Ending it all toni...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 9:33 pm
Lying on the bathroom floor,
blade resting on the sink.
Unsure how to get up,
I feel myself begin to shrink.
Bloodied tissues looking down
on the mess lying below.
Beaded drops continue to form,
until heavily the must flow.
Shivering against the cold,
damp towel draped over.
Naked body frozen in fear,
flashbacks still they hover.
Passed out from exhaustion
of the war raging inside.
Wednesday 9th October 2019 7:23 pm
One foot in as she tests the waters,
Scorching hot, enough to revel in.
Tub over-flows as her body sinks,
Like her heart filled with so much sin.
Flames make shadows dance on walls,
Anxious they jitter from beneath the seam.
Chest tightens under the weight of 100 bricks,
As the air continues to thicken with steam.
Tile floor stained with a crimson splash,
So sure this way she would never ...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 5:37 pm
Oh how I long for a blade,
Rubber bands don't do the trick.
A sting that feels so temporary,
Uncontrolled so goes the flick.
Oh how I long for a blade,
This welt is just not enough.
Repeatedly striking against my wrist,
Skin recognizes the bluff.
Oh how I long for a blade,
Cold stream of red is not the same.
Ice shrinking from inside my thigh,
So close to the origin of shame.
Oh how I ...
Wednesday 9th October 2019 5:10 pm
Therapy’s been fine but it’s not fixing my problems.
Each week talking about something new, but we never actually solve them.
Mr. Joyce tells me I need to let my emotions pass through me.
But my emotions make me who I am, so I know I need to disagree.
My identity has always been important and, honestly, I identify as depressed.
That as well as anxious, lost, and always stress...
Sunday 29th September 2019 3:02 pm
If one should get right up to death's very brink
This is the time to stop and think
'Shall I stay alive or shall I die?'
Though there is no one round to hear this cry.
We are not crazy, bad or weak.
Only to end our pains is what we seek.
Oft we keep these troubles to ourselves
For we feel that no one can be of help.
But whatever there might be ahead
We cannot m...
Saturday 21st September 2019 7:39 pm
I have forgotten the feeling of what normality means.
I float around within a numbness submerged within a dream.
I see the world pass faster every single day.
I see my end come closer, I see the future become shorter;
I can’t help but slaughter the time as I begin the decay.
It’s hard to find blame, but it’s a rationale thought to try and understand how this happened.
The worse ...
Thursday 1st August 2019 5:34 pm
pull out thre trigger u know how it go
call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4
when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody
release all my problems when I drink this bottle
still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model
nobody know about all of my problems
call up tequila u know she gon solve it
I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody
I try to reach out but they always dec...
Sunday 30th June 2019 12:58 am
I left yo love in a cell
My momma screaming
Imma go to hell
But see fuck that
She ain’t even pay my bail
Tired of feeling like shit
Always feeling like I failed
Mf that I know I failed
Steadyin going to jail
But I’ll never tell
Never been loved
Can’t you tell
Give them my heart
Just for them to bail
A lot of pain in my heart
So don’t ask me why I yell
I know umma go t...
Sunday 9th June 2019 10:34 pm
Too many people suffering in isolation, lets start a conversation.
day one of the slide …
and I’ve managed to quell the dark things inside.
I take a deep breath, supress the sigh …
push out my chest and hold my head high
The flex and the dark things are tidied away
A quick self-esteem pep-talk, then face the new day
It’s by no means plain sailing but I cope, strugg...
Tuesday 19th February 2019 4:34 pm
I attempted suicide,
But I didn't die,
Not losing my life,
But what it means to be alive.
I'm drained of all motivation to continue,
But also of all strength to follow through,
I shouldn't be here,
It hurts, but it's true.
My days feel so long,
My existence feels so wrong,
I can't look at life the same,
Because I simply don't belong.
I can't be happy,
Saturday 26th January 2019 10:12 pm
Sometimes I over drink.
Oops I mean overthink.
Ah fuck it, it's the same damn thing.
I over pour my glass leaving no room for coke.
The voice repeating in my head of the last words you spoke.
You ask why I'm self destructive but the truth is I dont know.
I'm starting to think that the devil is a lie.
The only evil we see is what we bury inside.
I'm going to lose to myself, it's only a matt...
Sunday 20th January 2019 12:47 am
The last two weeks
The subway tracks
Below my feet
Have looked like a pretty face the first time you see
Friday 11th January 2019 1:20 am
I would rather like
To end my time
In an ivory, crawfoot tub
Roses with their petal ashes
change the calm of surface glass
Such a stark contrast
between the swirls and waves
beneath the black;
Thursday 10th January 2019 10:58 pm
Lost and Found Pt 1
my lost family
I curse the
The new PC
Locked up in this
Nothing PC can
On the floor
In a piss soaked
Wednesday 9th January 2019 5:37 pm