Poetry Blogs (2019, anxiety)
You can misplace your mind
You can't forfeit your mind
When you've built a fort for your mind
Mine is bulletproof,
I can stay outside of myself
I can step outside of the world
I watched us having a conversation
From my window panes
Through the heavy glaze
It made me feel some type...
Sunday 1st December 2019 12:56 pm
Today has been a better day
I wasn’t a mardy bitch
I didn’t cry when something went wrong
I ate food without nausea or gagging or that awful washing machine feeling in my tummy
Today was an easier day
I could talk without the lump in my throat strangling me
I walked through university enjoying each rain drop falling onto my cheeks
or dripping through my ey...
Sunday 1st December 2019 12:56 pm
there’s a war in my head between
Me and my worst enemy
a giant monster of fear and shame
telling me I can’t ever change
And every time I step out to take a risk
the monster screams and shouts “you can’t do this”
cause “who are you, and what do you have to say?”
i know you, and I’ve always kept you safe
and now you can’t get me to leave,
I’m bigger than ...
Sunday 1st December 2019 1:57 am
I feel a little more me today
The crying spell has passed
With each hour, ticking by softly, my lungs awaken
I breathe easier now
I enjoyed my morning coffee
Sat by the steamy windows
Watching the sunrise slowly emerge from behind the dewy grass
Colour is returning to my cheeks
Repairing some part of the fragile soul I was two days ago
Monday 18th November 2019 7:40 am
I am at the pit of my breakdown
Saying goodbye to sleep I once loved
Food I could once eat without nausea
That once allowed rest
Sitting on the floor sobbing
Do I allow this pain to make me human
Or wish it away?
I bring these matters to You
I cannot do it alone
I’m still processing
Picking out the safest part...
Saturday 16th November 2019 10:20 pm
There is a pit inside of me
A deep, dark abyss where the negative thoughts grow
“I will fail”
“I cannot do this”
That is why
When I look at you, there is pain behind my eyes
Bleeding onto my cheeks
Staining all that surrounds me
This bubble of safety
Does not always contain it
This is what high functioning looks like
From afar, it is well co...
Tuesday 12th November 2019 8:57 pm
Speaking can feel like your swallowing
So, you may as well swallow instead
Or it’s giving,
Giving and giving
Fingers down your throat,
Will I be stronger tomorrow?
Or just hollow tomorrow?
So, you end up filling up on someone else’s dictionary
I am disarmed without my language
But my language is disarming
Words do break your bones
Saturday 2nd November 2019 3:40 pm
We Had a Big Argument Because of Continuing Problems Related to My Mental Illness and I Did Not Have Time to Take a Shower, I Love You and I am Sorry
I am itchy
My scalp is itchy
I cannot stand how itchy it is
My whole body smells
I cannot stand how smelly it is
I feel slimy
My feet and groin feel slimy
I cannot stand how slimy I feel
It is my fault
The whole situation is my fault
I cannot stand how this is my entire fault
I made you upset
I continue to make you upset
I cannot stand how I f...
Wednesday 16th October 2019 1:58 pm
I am a battering ram
Undulating forward with a willful lack of grace
Constantly pushing, pulsing
Headlong into an uncertain oblivion
Taking pleasure in the pain
Destroying what once was beautiful
Tuesday 15th October 2019 4:25 pm
its tail around my neck
its name is
Saturday 12th October 2019 8:16 am
Therapy’s been fine but it’s not fixing my problems.
Each week talking about something new, but we never actually solve them.
Mr. Joyce tells me I need to let my emotions pass through me.
But my emotions make me who I am, so I know I need to disagree.
My identity has always been important and, honestly, I identify as depressed.
That as well as anxious, lost, and always stress...
Sunday 29th September 2019 3:02 pm
In that book, Nausea, Jean-Paul Sartre’s
Antoine Roquentin gets kind of freaked
Out just looking at the root of a chestnut tree.
I thought it was pretty weird at first,
Because how can you get through life
If you freak out every time you see a
Tree root or some fool thing like a tree root?
You couldn’t go on, could you? It’d just be
One crisis after another until you went
Insane and did...
Saturday 28th September 2019 7:06 am
I carry a kettle in my head
And I'm turning up the heat.
Turning up the pressure,
self doubt, and insecurities.
Tumultuous clouds forming
High tension that won't subside.
I'm the one who's created
the storm raging inside.
Tuesday 27th August 2019 7:20 am
I'm sorry for inviting myself I just wanted to spend more time with you
And if I'm in your way I'll stand in the corner and wait for you
Now I'm sorry to be a bother but do you think I can have some water
To wash away my insecurities but I know you'll give them back to me
I don't know what you want from me but I just want your company
Find what you're looking for and take it all from me
Wednesday 21st August 2019 1:45 pm
Searching for you
You’re the word
On the tip of my tongue
- tip - tip – tick – tock
You’re the face on my clock
You’re the catch in my breath
Like if I was to cough
Words of you
Would just tumble out
Like if I was to shout
Words of you
Would just rumble out
You’re built into my skull
You’re the clutch over my brain
You’re running through my veins...
Monday 1st July 2019 1:27 pm
Nervous wreck In self defense
saying you feel the water up to your neck
all the things you can’t forget
washed up memories of what’s left
burning in the fire to resurrect in the flesh anxious cigarette breathe
never mind the burning in my chest
Sunday 7th April 2019 4:06 am
As I took a breath, this morning
I wondered what it'd be
To be a body without life
and a body without feel
What feels like such a trauma
is also a reason to live
Cuz this is how we learn to fly after a fall
and how we dare to dare
I've known a lot of stories
and eyes that would tell more tales
But not every soul would speak up
nor every silence would stay put
I longed to take a step fo...
Friday 22nd March 2019 9:09 am