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MOD ~ PTSD Part i

MOD – PTSD

Last night the MOD said… “The health of those who serve our country is of the utmost importance, which is why we strive to give them the very best care”

 

Just two words to say  #### Off

 

I can’t remember the first word… I need a (mTBIs)

I hear there are a couple of scanners out there somewhere,    I just can’t remember where!

 

Po

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mental healthPoPTSDsuicide

In a year long

I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll  finally feel strong

Today I might ache
But it will not stay
Tomorrow, I'll be okay
And one day, I pray
It'll go forever away

I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong

Yesterday was scary
My head tried to hurt ...

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can do thishurtmental healthmental painoptimismoptomisticPainpastpeoplephysical healthphysical painsongstrengthstrongtime healswe got thisyear

Mental exhaustion

I am so very exhausted
I tried everything,  I really did
Still this darkness looms over me
Making the love and happiness hard to see
Everything is impossible to try to reach
This constant fight drains me like a leach
My limbs are so heavy, I can hardly move
Bouts of energy come far too little, and far too few
So I'm stuck in this position, as if I'm glued
And no this isn't the type of day...

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depr3siionexhaustedExhaustionmental healthmental illnesstired

The Rollercoaster which we name Bipolar

Up swings
Low swings
Irritable swings
Whenever the bell rings.
Time to change so soon?
Oh thankyou for the gloom
Its not like I needed mental room
I'll just listen to your tune.
Is it time for bed,
Or are you not done yet?
This endless strain of thoughts
Feeling like I'm making a case In front of the courts
Barely awake, but barely conscious?
You'll wish you'd had your bedroom blessed
...

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anxietybipolarbipolar and psychosisbipolar disorderdelusionsdepressionhallucinationsinterchangeablelow swingmaniamental healthmental health awarenessmindoppositespoems aboit mental healthpsychosisragerollercoasteruncontrolableup swing

I am Both

I am not the fat girl
I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

I am both the bingeing in the night
And the starving from pure fright.

I am both

In the mirror I am both.

I am the always too thin pile of bones
And the body too big to call home.

I am both.

In the shops I am both.

I am the girl who is too curvy to wear cute clothes
And the girl who's Inability to feel sexy make...

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be strongbeen both wayscruelty lays with our owndont let them winempoweringfati am bothinjusticemental healthnietherno one is perfectprejudiceSkinnystand upvicious cycleweightweight issueswomenwomen's weightyou are all beautiful

Not alone

If you should fall down again
And find yourself needing a friend
I will always be here by your side
Please don't shut yourself in and hide
I will hold your hand through the pain
You will beat these demons again
Together we will pull you out
Of the fountains creating doubt
I will stick with you all the while
Hoping to see you yet again smile
You are never on your own
In my arms you have ...

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battlesfriendfriendshelp each otherMental health

The demons that only I knew

Would you believe me

If I told you the truth

Would you stay with me,

Or would you just leave?

Would you still feel 

The way that you do

If you saw me kneel

Before the demons so cruel?

I tried to escape

But it fell right through

It was never fate

What should I do?

I didn't mean to fail 

I did choose you

But the monsters fight

Harder than I'm able to

I...

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anziwtybipolarcreaturesDemonsdepressionmental healthmental illnessmonsterspsychosisptsdtired

BLUR

Give me a broken mirror.

Hide the blemishes and blotches

That impairs and disfigures.

 

Give me renewed youth.

Re-circuit my memory

Rewrite the truth.

 

Give me made up days.

Turn action to fiction

Blow my mind away.

 

Give me turning tides.

Give me caves and crevices

In which I can hide.

 

Give me light, give me dark

Give me dressings to hide

...

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depressionmanic depressionmental healthmental illness

The unspoken rules of tidiness

We love to have a tidy house
But we really don't like to clean it
If only someone would tidy up
I would have some place to sit
Days pass and nothing changes
Till you feel that nauseous pit
Then you realise the rooms a mess
And it makes you want to quit
As you start to clear up all of it
You think to yourself, "oh shit,"
"How did I ever live like this?"
It's really quite a tip
Time flie...

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cleaninghousemental healthtidy up

One Step Closer

I'm running away scared 
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.

How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it

I'm shaking but holding on tight 
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...

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anxietybattlesdemonsDepressionleap of faithmental healthpainstarsstruggles

Heartbeat

Heart Beat

Listen to the ticking clock
Countdown 
and witness me take another breath.

Listen to the rhythm of
my life
and tell me to turn back to the last channel.

But allow the vibrating bass to
remind you that this  
song is what allows me to feel the tune
that I simply cannot hear with just my ears.

Watch me as I continue to live
with ever-changing favorite songs 
that all ...

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depressionmedicationmental health

Can't Escape

You try to escape the demons

But they latch on way too tight,

Their claws digging into my body

And mind, with all their might.

 

Fighting is exhausting,

It physically and mentally drains.

But still I endure it, hoping

One day I will finally escape the pain.

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anxietybattlecan't escapedemonsdepressionexhaustedhopeillnessmaniamental battlemental healthmental health issuesmental illnesspoetry and mental healthptsdrage

Numb

I'm sitting here, trapped, frozen in time

Head imploding, finally losing my mind

Nowhere to run, bound and confined

To the prison within, my unconscious mind.

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boundconfinedDepressionlimbolosing my mindmental healthmental illnessnumbnumbnesspoetry and mental healthprisonspacedspaced outtrapped

Free-Falling

I’m losing my mind.

Don’t you understand?

I’m desperately reaching out for your hand.

Don’t leave me hanging, slipping, falling…

down into the endless abyss of darkness,

Never destined to land.

 

You’ve saved me once before,

But this time there are no safety ropes.

I’m free-falling, plummeting, going down…

My only hope Is for you to save me now.

 

I’m losing my ...

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abandoneddarknessdeepdepressiondesperationdrowningemotional painfallingforgottenhelphurtleftlimbolosslostlovemental healthmindone-sidedpainpoemstoryunrequited love

Real Life Nightmare

Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to ...

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anxietybattlecomplicateddangerdarkdeepdesperationdestructiondrowningemotional painemotiveescapefearFrom the hearthopeindecisiveinternal battlemental healthmental health issuesmindnightmarepoetrypoetry and mental healthsanitysinkingsubconsciouswar

In The End

How can I cope with this devil on my shoulder, The heat is on but its making me colder, When I was younger it hoped I’d grow older, Started off small now it’s heavier than a boulder, 

 

You say I’m fine well I’m sick in the head, You say I‘ll cope well I’m sick of this mess, I don’t know how long I can stick with this stress, If it was my way then I would’ve writ this in red, 

 

I’m go...

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darkdeepdepressionDnELGBTMental healthmusicnew poetsuicidetruthukyoung poet

Points

Singular point of hope

balancing in one dimension

drive the stake deep, swing without reservations

for this is the beginning

 

doubled

       added vector

sure footing eyes

to the horizon

averted from the abyss below

another point right planar

temptations of rest

loss of balance still precarious

point added placed correctly

a broad base of stability?

po...

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fearmental healthProgressrecovery

Grey

my anxiety is a burden I can no longer carry

bones and muscles this weak were not designed for this 

I was not born for this 

 

like the ocean, my anxiety washes over me 

soaking each tissue of my being 

forever drowning without being able to come up for air

 

I am not defined by my mental health

or by the tremurs or leaks that escape from my body 

but often sometimes...

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anxietymental health

My Fault Again

He made our argument physical again tonight

Every time I think it's the last

Leaving him isn't an option

Plus, where would I go?

 

My heart can't take the cruel words or pain

Eventually, I'll learn how to cope.

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aloneangryargumentconfusedlonelymental healthrelationshipsadtired

So Unpredictable

25/10/11

So unpredictable.

So sharp and so cunning

Is the pain that run through me,

Hideous yet so stunning.

 

I want to keep it here, 

I want to feel it's cold aching

Blood spilling from me

My heart is still breaking

 

What if I want it to stop?

Please, leave me alone!

It'll be there. Waiting.

For me to decay down to bones. 

 

Maybe that's what I wa...

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anxietydeathdepressionlifemanic depressionmental healthmental illnessmy past experiencepainpastpast eventssadnessself harmsuicide

Its Ok To Talk

"Its Ok to talk" has become the closer of my sets at this time. It was written for the work the Andy's Man Club do for male suicide awareness and basically for anyone to open up if they are feeling down and out and depressed. I speak highly of their work as my father committed suicide at the age of 32 and the help at the time wasn't there.

when your head is full of static
and all that's felt i...

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mental healthpositivitysuicide awareness

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