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Flat Packed

It came all wrapped in cardboard
I got it in with a violent tug
She says, I'm sure you'll have it built and left me with a hug
It opened like Pandora box, pieces spread around the floor
I knew I'd have to borrow tools, from Fred at number thirty four
There's two number ones, screws and dowels in many little packets
She measured the space and ordered it, God I better hope it fits?
A degree ...

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There’s a Viking Warrior around the back

With a multi-tool and a Power Pack

Keeps nuts and bolts in a padlocked sack

He’s a DIY Man, he’s building a shack


With his manic ScrewFix lust

He’ll transform that hedge into dust

It makes no odds, he’s not fussed

He’s a DIY Man, born to rust


He wears a John Deere branded shirt

Recharges himself when he feels inert


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DIYsuburbiahumourblack humoursatirejohn cooper clarke


Here is a link to my poem about a day at IKEA

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