Good piece, Alison, to highlight the effective uselessness of 'supportive' comments after bereavement. Especially when an honest answer given in confidence steers people off.
I find the alliterative 'p' simulates 'pecking' and is quite effective.

Comment is about Ambridge cries (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Strong, even though loose in context in some lines. It has a searching message that could be made into a vital poem with some careful review. It seems unlikely that the writer would ever really slash his/her wrists fatally. Too many ideas to relish.

Comment is about Message (blog)

Original item by Ian Nenna

Delightful, Georgina. A personality encapsulated. I really enjoyed it. Maybe because I often laugh when I'm supposed to be serious; and I always kiss with my eyes open.

Comment is about Lucky Number Nine. (blog)

thank you for your comment Isobel.. yeah, when I wrote it, it wasnt writen in the prop fashion, these words just came out as they were.. but I can see what your saying there :-)

Comment is about Naomi Hefter (blog)

Original item by Naomi Hefter

Sombre piece Alison. Too many p's in the first two lines but I liked the idea of pecking at ears.
I think unlike your other introspective works there is no razor blade hidden in this one. For me it needs an clever edge.

Comment is about Ambridge cries (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Not a problem Dave and thanks for explaining, I love learning these little historical details. That would be a fascinating place to visit, must make a note of it, thanks!

Comment is about Billy and the Flowers (blog)

Original item by Heather

Thanks Ann and Ray! Reserved should have been preserved, I've just corrected it XD Guess I need to get better at proof reading huh? I've always been a little unsure about verse three t0o, it's a little lyrical compared to the rest. Thanks for the help!

Comment is about Finger in the Dust (blog)

Original item by Heather

I appear to have misled you - sorry. Eyam and the wells is not the name of a poem. I was reminded of the village of Eyam in Derbyshire that was affected by the plague. The villagers took the brave decision to quarantine themselves and cut the village off. It is a tourist attraction for this reason and the well dressing custom in Derbyshire where the village wells are decorated with flowers. Dave

Comment is about Billy and the Flowers (blog)

Original item by Heather

Tweaked it for now - in an inglorious Tarantino kind of way.
That's how it appears on the monologues site. Will think about that line. Thanks for all comments everyone.
Dave

Comment is about Pasta (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Hi, Tomas! Sad to read this poem, but it is very nice one. We have to speak about those horrible facts, to remind everyone that war is a crime.

Comment is about Srebrenica - Сребреница (blog)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

Yes, Lynn, you are right. What would we do? Where would we be without our friends?
With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Friendship (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Very tender. I like the idea of these things and associated memories being preserved in poems.
You're coming back to Malvern again, I see! Enjoyed the show lots last year. See you then.

Comment is about It's Made Of Wire (blog)

Original item by Attila the Stockbroker

Heather. Thanks for your comments on Stroke.Glad you liked it.

Comment is about Heather (poet profile)

Original item by Heather

Hello Heather.I find this remarkably mature writing for a 20 year-old.Powerful too.Not so sure about the 3rd verse and the brackets but the rest is very good. The first verse is quite exquisite, I think. "reserved in nursery bliss"-reserved seems an odd choice of word.

Comment is about Finger in the Dust (blog)

Original item by Heather

Hi Lynn - sexy stuff! Loved reading both this one and your free verse and liked them both for different reasons. All in all, I think the free verse flows better and sounds more sophisticated, BUT... you have some beautiful moments in this one. I love the 6th stanza, where all of a sudden you capture feelings of genuine love and affection between these two hot bodies and it adds a certain depth to the piece. I liked the rhyme in the 7th stanza - too hot to handle indeed! - and its lightheartedness adds a buoyancy to the poem. I love that you can write about anything and I really look forward to reading more of your work. Many thanks for sharing. Dianna.

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Hi Ray, you had me hooked in the first two lines. This is a truly amazing piece and I've got to ask... did you know that birds, in many cultures, spiritually symbolise the guardians of the veil between earth and heaven (or whatever heaven is) and often are said to carry the souls of those passed over through the veil to the other side? Whether intentional or not, knowing this made gave the poem extra meaning for me. Thanks for sharing. Dianna

Comment is about Stroke (blog)

Hi Andy. Loved your sample poems! Animals In Their Bags makes me think of my daughter and her friends (all around 14 months) - I found the poem very real and true to life, especially the last line - the adult who just has sandwiches in his / her bag (and if anything like me, now feels a little silly for not having an animal in their bag too!). Brief Encounters is hilarious with its unexpected ending and Perfect Place is simply beautiful - I've also been to this perfect place and I think you've captured it beautifully for anyone else who's been there too! You capture the scene in all your poems really well and I have no problems imagining I'm right there. Looking forward to reading more. Dianna

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Saw you in the sauna Cabaret tent at Glasto... Phew what a scorcher. Winston.

Comment is about Attila the Stockbroker (poet profile)

Original item by Attila the Stockbroker

Hi Cynthia. Thanks for sharing this poem. I love that the reader knows in the very first stanza that this will not be a happy story ("Fate forged shackles with no key.")and the whole thing reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, where you also know in the first few lines that the story ends in death. You set the scene beautifully all the way through the poem right through 'til the bitter end. Would be interested to read the first version! Look forward to reading more. Dianna.

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Marianne. Have read both your blog entries and got to say that I love the way you use your words: Dark, edgy and challenging! You conjure up amazing imagery with every stanza, producing thought-provoking poetry that is a pleasure to read again and again. I think you have an essence of Bronte about you - something gothic and romantic about your writing. Very much look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing. Dianna

Comment is about 101 (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

yes, more blogs pleas heather :-) Win

Comment is about Heather (poet profile)

Original item by Heather

Thanks for the encouragement/ praise, it means a lot to me. It's a pleasure to meet you :)

Comment is about Steven Kenny (poet profile)

Original item by Steven Kenny

Love the audio on ladys bedstraw Ann! It's great to here the poem read in your voice and thank you for the comments on Finger in the Dust. It was about a home destroyed by fire, I'm glad you got that :)Thanks again xx

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I find this a very intriguing poem. At first it made me think of statues, mossy and worn and cracking. Then, maybe of a home destryed by fire. I love the line"I hoped their hands would always fit my palm". I think any mother would relate to this image. Thoughtprovoking stuff. xx PS I added a syllable to the line you mentioned in Ladys Bedstraw, also I've added an audio.

Comment is about Finger in the Dust (blog)

Original item by Heather

Ta Dave - Ladys Bedstraw. x PS I have added an audio to that poem.

Comment is about Dave Carr (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Carr

Fabulously playful! Love it.

Comment is about Pasta (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

This is a great poem.
I see foxes a lot and I can't help admiring them although we've had our fallings out.
Dave

Comment is about ladys bedstraw (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

'Costa fortune on the early Spain plane' - super humour, very clever. Possibly take poetic license and run this line as: 'adorning black fingernails bit to the quick' because it is 'clipped' in sound and sight. Your internal alliteration and assonance is wonderful to twirl on the tongue, as well as making shafting images. 'Undressed to kill Sangria and skittles Chips off the block ...middle-aged children' is one great line among many, as the short 'i' sound hits like a flack gun.

Comment is about Men Of A Certain Age (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

'Cavalry' turned the tide in ancient warfare, as opposed to 'foot soldiers' only. The horses weren't truly 'bastards', just powerful machines who did as programmed. This is good - violence contrasted with the beauty of horses with 'their breath like mist'.
'tomorrow' might gain further emphasis as a separate line.

Comment is about The Strike (blog)

Thank you very much Cynthia for reading and commenting on my poem 'La femme qui pleure'...
I wanted to try something different.

Francine x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Heather! Welcome to WOL! Thanks for your comment on 'And finally...' I've had a read of your stuff and it's good work! Perhaps those people at the other site weren't just trying to curry favour? I know from experience that it's hard to take praise as genuine but in your case, I think it happens to be true! I particularly like Finger in the Dust; keep them coming! I for one would like to read more of your work! :-)

Comment is about Heather (poet profile)

Original item by Heather

Hello my friend, thank you for your comments on 'Excess memories', glad you enjoyed that. I have just listened to your voice for the first time too, your reading of 'My wishes' is very good and clear. Perhaps you will be reading some for Michelles radio project soon :)

Best wishes

Dave

Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (poet profile)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Gorgeous poem. I think the repetition worked really well here, you've got a good sense of rhythm and it all flows so smoothly. I wasn't sure about the third line of the second stanza, that didn't feel as strong to me but the others made it my favourite verse. The line 'Though the Lord might screw her' jerked me out of the poem for a moment, I think it was the length. Another syllable would soften it. Beautiful choice of picture, thanks for the read.

Comment is about ladys bedstraw (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

This is very good. You had me caught by the third line, so very powerful. You've got a great sense of tension and I love how you vary your sentences for the best of effects. The short ones really hit home and the long ones are heart-wrenching. This is so very well put together. There's nothing I'd suggest changing; my favourite read of the day.

Comment is about And finally... (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

Hello Bernadette, I think the idea of this is a lovely wistful daydream. I think it needs to sound more lyrical, almost like a song that then gets abruptly turned off.

Comment is about PERFECT DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

The first two verses are so clever it hurts to read them. An Italian "Hiawatha" theme. I think it could have worked better by not limiting yourself to so few suffixes though. Brave stuff!

Comment is about Pasta (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

The pure sound of this is amazing. This is one of those poems that just begs to be read out loud and I found your punctuation made the reading possible and actually smooth, despite the tongue twister words. It's great. I found the second line of the second stanza hard to get my mouth around though and the second stanza in general wasn't quite as strong as the first. You picked up very well in the last two lines but the other three didn't do them justice. Awesome poem, keep it up!

Comment is about Stroke (blog)

Oh God - you've made me blimmin' well cry now! Such a good poem, it starts as a bit of an oddity, "Why is he writing about pastry brushes etc" then - pow! And I know, I've been there. Sometimes there is that initial feeling that you want to keep everything. But you can't. A poem is a wonderful way to keep those things. x

Comment is about It's Made Of Wire (blog)

Original item by Attila the Stockbroker

I loved 'tired benefit mondays' and 'tasteless tabloid conversation', you have so many great lines here and the humour of this is wonderful! I also love the subtle change to a more accepting, almost fond tone and this is just great. I think you don't need that 'I hate men of a certain age' between stanzas one and two as you have it on the next line. Great poenm though, nicely done.

Comment is about Men Of A Certain Age (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Resuscitated or regurgitated? I suppose regurgitated maybe works better with the immediate meaning; but resuscitated sounds more "poetic", and better sums up what hope there is in the poem. I'm a terrible fence-sitter, Ray; I dunno!

Comment is about Stroke (blog)

I wasn't really complaining about the word bastard. In some ways it is a good choice. The rhyming scheme is so tight that you really aren't expecting it and it makes it funny. I was being a bit ironic in my earlier comment.

Comment is about Pasta (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Thanks Bernadette - glad you liked it (the graveyard shift)
all the best. B

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

I can't reply to you Janet as you have disappeared, but you may see this. Just to say that I'm very sorry that you've gone. A sweet good soul has left the building! Good luck! xx

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi, Dave! For the first time I hear your voice. "Excess Memories" is a very nice poem. I love it, enjoyed reading it and listening to it.
With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Dave Dunn (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Thanks Bernedette (Ladys Bedstraw) :)

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Thanks Larisa (Ladys Bedstraw) :)

Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (poet profile)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Beautiful poem, Ann! I also enjoyed reading it. With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about ladys bedstraw (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hello Ann, yes the eye is a bit 'in your face' isn't it. Hazel is the colour, as near to my own as i could find. Green/brown.

Sorry you won't see it again though. I have decided to depart from the site. Keep up with your writing and keep on blogging. No-one can ever accuse you of not having a good comment to poem ratio. It shines from you how much you enjoy the site and interacting with others on here. You remind me of me when i first joined. Unfortunately, the buzz has died as well as the inclination to write.
Bye and thanks for looking in.
Janet.x

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Isobel, thanks for your comment, re- poetry-love affair.
Thing is, that is exactly what it has been for me. Turbulent, traumatic at times, beautiful and downright sexy at others. I don't think you saw my more raunchy ones. I have a very good sense of humour but it tends to come across as sarcasm when i attempt it in poetry.

I've finally, finally decided that the poetry performance scene isn't for me and so my time on here is over.(for good this time) :-)
I wish you well, it suits you and i know you still get a great buzz from it. That's gone out of it for me, as has the inclination to write any more.

See ya, love Janet.xx

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Thanks for your lovely comment Winston. I have left a further comment on my poem. Will you be wearing those naughty cycling shorts at some venue? I always love to drive past a lot of avid cyclists - one gets such a great view.

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes