Tom

Broken-down Place

Wednesday 1st September 2010 10:26 am (first posted Thursday 26th August 2010 4:31 pm)

Our sentences are short
Perfunctory statements
Serving a purpose

Our brief embrace is feeble
Lacks the backbone
The spine of years ago

Your easiness with everyone is gone
My insight into everything is gone
In this broken-down place

We built ourselves a fire
But who will be the first to admit...

Time is a ticking machine
Household tasks are an escape
Oh, will sleeping ever come?

A phone call to someone else
Like a glimpse of some sweet beach elsewhere
The image lingers on, long after they've gone

Your diamond eyes are dulled tonight
My wit is simplified tonight
In this broken-down place

We built ourselves a fire
But who will be the first to admit...

There's no strength in us to go on
But no strength in us to admit
It's stone dead now
In this broken-down place

(2009 - June)

◄ To Live In The Light

Kimberly ►

Comments

Tom

Wed 1st Sep 2010 10:27

Thanks for the tips and comments - I think I was a bit sloppy with the editing of this one. Totally agree with your corrections.

Lynn Dye

Fri 27th Aug 2010 17:13

Good poem, Thomas, I enjoyed this.

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 27th Aug 2010 09:55

This is really good, Thomas, completely absorbing the reader to share the pathos of the emotional desert. Such a sad, and so common, situation. I would include the same .... after the second 'admit' also. I did wonder why you introduced a subplot with 'long after they've gone'. I can't really place the antecedent of 'they'; to what or to whom the pronoun refers. IMO, I think 'The image lingers on' is very emotive in itself. All comments made with great respect for your skill.

Ann Foxglove

Thu 26th Aug 2010 20:17

I like this Tom - Like a glimpse of some sweet beach elsewhere - my fave line. Not sure if you need the last line? Later . . . oh, I think you removed the last line! Jolly good! ;-)

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