Lovely, Gus... You have described a moment in time with all that is going on around, as you sit on that bench taking it all in.

xxx

Comment is about Beneath the Umbrella Tree (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Thanx Winston I am pleased you enjoyed the 'Umbrella Tree'.... Bit of different pace for me but I enjoyed composing this piece'

Once again many thanks.

Gus

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Well it really got me thinking about it, and the only thing I could come up with (assuming I understand 'top up') would be that at the store you added minutes to your phone, and the bit about minutes on the hip was that you had your phone clipped to your hip - sort of a play on words for losing weight to get into those skinny size 10 jeans - LOL

Comment is about Shopping List Edit (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Thanx Andy, Nobody does 'Simple ' Better than me... doesn't do to be too clever...eh

Gus

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

That wasn't a criticism of your poem at all - it just sparked me off to think about where I found freedom - everyone finds it in different places, I guess. The secret lies in marrying someone who finds it in the same place - or doesn't mind losing it in the chaos... x

Comment is about Tom (poet profile)

Original item by Tom

Yep - I knows about the formal 5-7-5, but it hardly trips off the tongue(for me anyway) - whereas a limerick (say) is the polar opposite - it still has a formalised structure, but has a singy-songy rhythm to it. anyway - I liked yours (and Dave's recent one too).

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Certainly provokes many possibilities. Very clever to do that in so few words. The feeling that there are so many possible causes for the scar makes me feel a bit itchy too! I wonder if you might get hooked on haikus? ;-)

Comment is about Anniversary Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

What a lovely image Janet. You've come back armed with some lovely words! xx

Comment is about Genuflecting (blog)

Hi Isobel, thanks for your comment on my recent poem. Much appreciated. I agree, freedom is in disorder as much as it is in order - often much more so, in fact. Perhaps the images I choose were too precise. I just took the word Freedom and thought what it meant to me - and where I felt most free.

Thanks again, Thom

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

I think it's great - but then I'm no expert, as generally I don't "get it"
(the Haiku concept/rhythm thing)

Comment is about Anniversary Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Haha - funny this. I love the contemporary references - Witch magazine and Witchipedia, and as per usual, your rhyming is really appealing to me :)

I'm not mad keen on the last line though - I know it's a play on Currie, but she's so up her own arse that woman!

Comment is about Witchfinder (blog)

Ooo I love the first two lines of this - well, I like it in its entirety, but those first two are just lovely. Can you buy lemon scented star-drops? ;)

Comment is about Genuflecting (blog)

Thank you both - wasn't very confident about this, having never done a formally structured bit of writing before, so your comments are a lovely surprise :)

Comment is about Anniversary Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Super. Great choice of words full of meanings. It's universal to the nth; could be any celebration of any kind of anniversary, allowing the readership tremendous scope to plug in personally.

Comment is about Anniversary Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I like it! Simple and effective. :-)

Comment is about Anniversary Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I'm in Wigan, not a million miles away. How cliche is that? ha ha

Haiku is really meant to be made up of images and includes at least a season, scent or other of the five senses and be deep and meaningful (at least that's how i allude to them)
I just enjoy them for what they are.. a neat little poem :-)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Francine - it was a rush job - wrote it in about 15/20 minutes, and I agree, it doesn't work. And that's why I've edited my Shopping List Edit!

ray - cheers for your comment again, have left the brackets on the first bit (did take them out and then put them back in again!), but changed that other line, and also supersized the Dairy Milk :D

Thanks all :)

Comment is about Shopping List Edit (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I enjoyed reading this very much. Felt I was rowing along too! And I felt I was hearing a genuine voice from long ago.

Comment is about Wind away... (blog)

Original item by Christopher Dawson

Ann, re 'change a letter' you are not allowed to change the order of the letters (I wasn't clear enough) , can you edit you word please. Win x

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

loved it, gus.. nothing else i can really add - i loved it simply..

Comment is about Beneath the Umbrella Tree (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Really like it Gus - I could BE there - and that's a rare talent

Comment is about Beneath the Umbrella Tree (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

not many stations still have a lamp room. nice poem Anne. Win x

Comment is about coda - hebden bridge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

why are they referred to as: 'home'?

Comment is about Alison Smiles (poet profile)

Original item by Alison Smiles

York Avenue ends at the river... and so does this piece. I like this abrupt closure and whilst I couldn't see a deeply as dave I did really like this gentle one Gus. Nice. Win x

Comment is about Beneath the Umbrella Tree (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Thank you Winston. I don't think I knew what I was writing till it was all over i.y.s.w.i.m. massive thanks for reading and commenting and I love the 'peek-a-boo' profile pic!
x

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Excellent.
Just lacks a kebab.

Comment is about Shopping List Edit (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I am just not getting the top up phone bit with the minutes on the hips?
LOL - Isobel with her dieting tips... : P

Comment is about Shopping List Edit (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Hi Laura, thanks for your comment on 'Poem.' and yes it does feel a bit strange writing very short poems. I used to practise with Haiku. Might re-blog a couple just for fun :-)

Where do you come from?

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

yeah - it was the shirt - course it was - what else ?? ;)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Hi Ann - I haven't had much success with the chat function either, it often seems as if you get a connection and then...... silence! Now while silence may be golden for some, I still prefer words, lol. ;)

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I like this Gus. There's more to it than just a mix of melancholy and nostalgia. The choice and arrangement of words skilfully creates a feeling of life moving away. The poem perhaps centres around the unspoken question - "Who am I now"?

Comment is about Beneath the Umbrella Tree (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Hi Ian, Welcome to Write out loud. You are now free to comment , post blogs and all the other things on this site. Winston (Admin)

Comment is about Ian Gant (poet profile)

Original item by Ian Gant

Thanks for your thoughts on Tom Pudding.
No, I'm afraid I haven't been to that museum - I gather there's something similar in Goole (only a stone's throw for me) and I haven't been there. Must do one day.

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Thanks for the comments on The Bidding.
There's a lot goes on my head, Laura!

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Thanks for the comments on The Bidding, Banksy.
Yes, you're right. I have posted it before but I discovered my heroine was faking the organism so I'm making her do it again!
We had the Malton Dirty Book Festival over the weekend and one of the others suggested I post it again with the audio. (I don't need much encouragement for self-publicity).

Comment is about The Bidding (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

hello evil witch

don't care if you don't comment ;p

Comment is about Shoeless Carole (poet profile)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

God yes - her fingers did always shake, I remember that!

I never had the gubbins to make all the stuff either. Me mum would never let me use the washing up bottles, and we never had glue. Sticky back plastic was a mere dream to me.

Comment is about Crafting Your Own (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Yup - I really like this too. Curly confection - fab :) Feels strange but kinda nice to write shorter stuff, doesn't it?

Comment is about Poem (blog)

Hi again

If I could have posted up the original, I would have - I kept it for ages, and only lost it when I moved house. I see what you mean about the rhyming being less strong at the end - I was trying to avoid too much obvious rhyme, as the Smoke poem had been that way and I wanted to experiment with departing from that a little :)

I'm having a bloody great time playing around with all kinds of stuff anyhow, with no techie knowledge whatsoever :D

I hope you enjoy the NMH album - you may find it takes more than a few listens to fully appreciate it. Bit of an acquired taste. It's quite a strange album, and is not what it first appears to be. Interesting back story to Jeff Mangum too.

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

I really like this too - I can see Freedom being sat on the fence, as to me it says 'holding mutually contradictory opinions'. This approach gains one no friends in life heh, but does give the individual freedom to believe in whatever the hell they want - to see both sides and to agree with both sides on differing points.

Comment is about Elusive (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Hi again. Yes for me using found words is great because you are using someone elses palette of words. The decision for me is how much you intervene. Do you leave it completely ramdom and rely on its quirkyness like some of Stevens recent postings or do you try and introduce rhyme for example like your last one and create something new. For me the tailing off is due to falling between these 2 approaches. A punchy strong rhyming end may have worked better. but hey... that is just me. Also remember the Neutral milk hotel album, Well i have down loaded it and will listen in the car soon. My deductions were merely google aided :-) Win x

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

'Realms of splendour' - lovely

Comment is about Halloween haiku (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Corr!!! This is excellent - love it! Wish I hadn't read it quite so early in the work day though ;)

Comment is about The Bidding (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Thanks for the comment on the shopping list Winston. I was only recreating a list I found years ago in a checkout bin, but am intrigued as to why you think it is less strong towards the end? (welcoming all constructive criticism, I'm no diva! I've only just started!). I kinda wanted it to degenerate and lose a bit of rationality, as that was the nature of the original. That piece isn't something I think I would have thought up by myself, unless I'd found that list, and it was only Steven's comment that made me remember it :)

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Cheers all for the comments, think will reply individually to some

Comment is about Shopping List Edit (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Is your profile pic you in your Ned Kelly outfit? ;)

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Sorry Andy I know my latest post for the freedom comp is a bit tenuous but its just what came out! Win x

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

"the paper boy"
Well... it's about the owner of Sky media, News of the Screws, The Sun, The Times, etc etc. Hence "Paper Boy" - who hailed from Australia. and was given to sacking 6000 at a time - a nice guy & I'm sure I'm being totally unfair... or maybe not :) pity about the cat photo tho - I thought it was rather Kute (and, like Val, there's nothing like a little grey pussy)

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

I'll keep me hands off yer box ;) (ramblers)

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Hi John, have you posted this on here before - I'm sure I've read it already - a great poem, though a little on the rude side for my delicate sensibilities ;)

Comment is about The Bidding (blog)

Original item by John Coopey