Laura Taylor

Shopping List Edit

by Laura Taylor

Wednesday 27th October 2010 9:14 am (first posted Friday 22nd October 2010 4:12 pm)

6 x cans Diet Coke

4 x pots Peach Danone

6 x cans Zero Lilt

(don’t forget to top up phone)

2 x bags Beef Lite Bites

Half Fat Chips

Sugar free Polo mints

Fun size Twix

Low cal olive spread

Seedy/nutty brown bread

2 x tins fat free beans

(buy those skinny size 10 jeans)

Garlic bread tear n share

Meaty feast pizza

Dairy Milk Supersize

(put it on the Visa)

Full fat butter pack

Tarts with extra jam

Uncut thick white loaf

Half a pound of ham

Grab Bag Walkers

Quavers, Monster Munch

Pringles- cheese and chives

Low cal soup for lunch

◄ Called you babe by accident

Anniversary Haiku ►

Comments

Francine

Wed 27th Oct 2010 15:24

Well it really got me thinking about it, and the only thing I could come up with (assuming I understand 'top up') would be that at the store you added minutes to your phone, and the bit about minutes on the hip was that you had your phone clipped to your hip - sort of a play on words for losing weight to get into those skinny size 10 jeans - LOL

Laura Taylor

Wed 27th Oct 2010 09:16

Francine - it was a rush job - wrote it in about 15/20 minutes, and I agree, it doesn't work. And that's why I've edited my Shopping List Edit!

ray - cheers for your comment again, have left the brackets on the first bit (did take them out and then put them back in again!), but changed that other line, and also supersized the Dairy Milk :D

Thanks all :)

Dave Carr

Tue 26th Oct 2010 22:25

Excellent.
Just lacks a kebab.

Francine

Tue 26th Oct 2010 20:28

I am just not getting the top up phone bit with the minutes on the hips?
LOL - Isobel with her dieting tips... : P

Laura Taylor

Tue 26th Oct 2010 09:44

Cheers all for the comments, think will reply individually to some

winston plowes

Mon 25th Oct 2010 21:46

Nice to see all sorts of poetry on here LAura, and enjoy most of your postings inc this one. liked the rhyming scheme but it tends to be less strong towards the end for me. Win x

<Deleted User> (7164)

Sat 23rd Oct 2010 12:30

Made to make your mouth water Laura :-)

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sat 23rd Oct 2010 09:02

Hmm - from the look of her I reckon she goes bareback :)

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sat 23rd Oct 2010 09:01

Yeah - get the quantities right -"would yer like to Supersize that?"

Isobel

Sat 23rd Oct 2010 08:37

Whadda ya mean fags Banksy? I thought you'd be the first to point out the absence of 'featherlight'. Great for anyone practising a healthy regime and guaranteed to make one lose weight...

I make a point of avoiding anything that says low fat or no sugar. They might as well write 'shite' on the side. Eat whatever you want folks - just get the quantities right.

Ray Miller

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 23:36

You've forgot the beer too. I think it would be better without the lines in brackets, more real. Dairy Milk Sharing Size - that's a good one. Is there such a thing? Should be the title.

<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 23:18

Fags ! you've forgotten the F***ing Fags !!

Michael Scott

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 18:46

Love it, brilliant use of rhyme almost hidden with the familiarity of the list.

Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 16:52

Gotta get going Tommy - spookeh, eh?

Tommy Carroll

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 16:47

Hi Laura...something is happening here...I posted a reply to your 'discussion' and linked to your 'poem' and was immediately struck by the memory of when I was a kid and asked the shopkeeper for a 'thick un-sliced loaf' she laughed as did the women shoppers as I insisted that was what my Ma' asked for. (maybe my Ma' had?)

Steven Waling

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 16:39

I actually didn't notice the rhyme - which to me is a good thing as obvious rhyme brings me out in hives... Must be down to the way you've spaced the verses, as well as to the plainess of the language and the 'unpoetical' nature of the subject.

I think it works because it doesn't have the poet telling us how to read the poem - we get it by implication.

Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 16:31

Well thank you for the inspiration, Steven - managed to recreate most of that list in about 20 minutes, hehe

Clearly, there is artistic licence at work - the original didn't rhyme, nor could I remember the original items!

Steven Waling

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 16:19

I like this - the aspiration and the reality summed up in one list

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