Very powerful and an accurate portrayal of that awful, botton falling out of your world feeling.
"Chests suffused with unsaid words"
particularly good. Not sure about the last line, does not sit quite right for me, though I agree you need a line there. xx
Comment is about Death Throes (blog)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
I remember John White. Was he actually called The Ghost? I recall Alex Young of Everton was The Ghost also. Spirited times.I'm not so sure it's a good idea likening him to other players. Enjoyed though.
Comment is about The Ghost of White Hart lane (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
hi, thought i may as well give it a go, though i 'm not convinced i'm a good enough writer for stuff like this lol cheers for the head s up x
Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)
Original item by Andy N
Hi Kath - have a read and if interested - let me know...
http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=16744
(I don't want to start forcing people into this as the choice is yours) x
Comment is about Kath Hewitt (poet profile)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
Saw you perform this at the Tudor last month and I really enjoyed it.
Comment is about I SAT ON A PARK BENCH TODAY (blog)
Christine, just read Service Users. How much I appreciate what and how you have written it. Absolutley great - would love to see you perform it. I can really hear it - the poem is crying to be read out loud. x
Comment is about christine yates (poet profile)
Original item by christine yates
Just read your poem of the month and very much appreciated it. Very fine work.
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
I really like this. Some stand-out lines for me:
"But she sighs and she weeps and unravels the wool" - and the entire middle stanza of part 2.
Do you know of Louise Bourgeois? You remind me of her in some ways. She's a bit of a hero for me :)
Comment is about Songs of the Tree of Life (blog)
Original item by Freda Davis
Thanks for your thoughtful comment last night. Still struggling with formal structures though & if there's too much struggle maybe it just ain't right! x
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Thanks again Andy foir commenting, i haven't seen any competition stuff but feel free to add mine if you think it apt enough :-) x
Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)
Original item by Andy N
Mmm...VERY interesting in light of our recent discussions.
I especially like these lines:
"make us fight you,
shoulder to shoulder with each other"
and
"attack our freedom
and set us free"
Thought-provoking for sure
Comment is about Little green men (Freedom) (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Thanks for your kind comments all. Yes the first world war did come to mind as I wrote it.
I'd like to explain the third verse - I'm not sure if it is obvious enough.
Don't know if anyone has ever read the translation of 'Les Mains Sales' (Dirty Hands) by Sartre. In that book, he explores the fact that whether you are a hero or an anti hero depends on how history shakes out. That is what I was trying to express. When you strike out for personal freedom you have to tread on a lot of feelings, cause hurt, sometimes to those you love. Whether you were right to do that depends on how successfully they get over that. It is impossible to know when you make your decision. If all goes wrong your freedom could be a hollow victory and an act of supreme selfishness. The bullet to the head is what deserters got in the first world war.
Comment is about Cry Freedom (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Hi Kath;
Another really good one with a strong ending. I was originally going to suggest too splitting the Insignificant into a separate line / stanza too (which you may want to try still) but I am relased as a separate line at the end of it - gives it a lot of power... x
Have you seen the Freedom competition I am running - this may fit into that??? x
Comment is about Freedom (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
Thanks for the comments Dave.
Good luck with the rest of the season - I suspect that Everton and Spurs will be vying for positions 5 - 8.
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
I did see John White play once but can remember little of it. His sudden and unusual death was a huge shock.
What a team Spurs had in 61. Enjoyed this John
Dave (Evertonian)
Comment is about The Ghost of White Hart lane (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
I very much liked these poems - rich in imagery and very lovely yet bittersweet.
Comment is about Songs of the Tree of Life (blog)
Original item by Freda Davis
I found your poem very touching and true. It's quite a pared down piece and that makes for a greater impact in what you are saying.
Comment is about freedom - no such thing (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Greg
I don't remember seeing him play myself, but probably did as I used to catch them playing at the Sheffields and Forest from 62 onwards.
67 might hold bad memories for you but (2008 excepted) I think you've certainly had the upper hand for the past 15 years.
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
The pain of the 1967 Cup Final result will never leave me, John, but despite that as a football fan from that era I can relate to this. I never saw John White play but the thought of moving to another ground, and disturbing all those ghosts ... Chelsea have just unveiled a statue of Peter Osgood at Stamford Bridge, and I hope we never move.
Comment is about The Ghost of White Hart lane (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Thanks Win
I suspect you're there on merit whereas I paid my way in!
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
A poem that speaks to me, Freda. xx
Comment is about Songs of the Tree of Life (blog)
Original item by Freda Davis
Hi Freda, love the way you have handled this subject. Fantastic poem, Ay Hebden WOL last week it was the stand out piece of the night for me. Win X
Comment is about Songs of the Tree of Life (blog)
Original item by Freda Davis
A poem that is both moving and also very clever. It took me a couple of reads to get the first world war references, I just saw it as a marriage breakdown first time round.
"I found the will to climb my walls,
trod on a thousand parts
that squished and screamed,"
was horrific and real. Well done Isobel. xx
Comment is about Cry Freedom (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Hi John, I believe congratulations are in order... We are both in the book "Along the Iron Veins" great stuff. Win x
Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Hi Laura
Thanks for your comments on the recent train one. Glad it works for you. I agree that to get the reader to fill in the blanks is a good thing generally but the writting still has to have quality and sometimes its easy to loose that when you know the context yourself. Win
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thanks all. I don't know why I decided that stairs should speak like this.But who knows? Graham and I are both fans of A.E.Housman, I guess.The conceit is that both wife and stairs want a new carpet and conspire against husband. Regular stuff in our house.
Comment is about stairs talk poem to man (blog)
Howdy
I was all set on going to the Tudor on Thursday, but have been dying of some flu/cold nonsense, and would rather not ruin me first attempt at reading aloud by accidentally gobbing on someone :(
Will see how I feel on Thursday, but if not this one, then I will deffo go to the next. Ta for the reminder anyhow - see you soon
Comment is about John Togher (poet profile)
Original item by John Togher
Hello Laura. It's the Wigan event at the Tudor this Thursday. Hope to see you there.
John
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
god I look so drunk, I wouldnt mind but I hadnt had a drop of booze lol.
Comment is about Katie Haigh at Middleton, September 2010 (photo)
Yet another one of yours that I really like ray :)
I too love the 'pidgin' language used. "peek up dresses make life brighter" - funny line!
I'm not really sure what that last line could mean...I like to ponder it though :)
Comment is about stairs talk poem to man (blog)
Hi Dave, thanks for reading the train one :-).I have made some more comments on the blog page.
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Hi Gus, thanks for reading the train one :-).I have made some more comments on the blog page. Win x
Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
Hi Greg, thanks for reading the train one :-).I have made some more comments on the blog page. With all the cuttings and tunnels it really did feel like burrowing!
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Andy, thanks for reading the train one :-).I have made some more comments on the blog page. Yes I liked Gus's comment too. Don't think this one is a reading one somehow. Win x
Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)
Original item by Andy N
Thanks for your comment Andy, glad you liked the end, you're a hard guy to please when it comes to that ;-)x
Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)
Original item by Andy N
Hi Cynthia; - I see your tag here, so have now placed in the freedom comp... I'll add some comments once it is all over, but in the meantime good luck x
Comment is about The Velvet Conversation (FREEDOM) (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
for a short piece, Georgina - i think you say quite a lot for example i like 'mouth's as deep as a well' and I also like the finale line which i probably would have split up, but like the fact you didn't... but it's a good, good piece.. keep em coming! x
Comment is about Shame. (blog)
for a short piece, Georgina - i think you say quite a lot for example i like 'mouth's as deep as a well' and I also like the finale line which i probably would have split up, but like the fact you didn't... but it's a good, good piece.. keep em coming! x
Comment is about Shame. (blog)
thanks for the entry, ann.. i'll add my comments once it is all over, but in the meantime good luck x
Comment is about freedom - no such thing (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
thanks for the entry, lynn.. i'll add my comments once it has all ended, but good luck! x
Comment is about Freedom (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
i second Francine there, Kath.. I also like the use of rain throughout, but am pretty impressed by the i turn away at the end..
that made me shiver..
top stuff! x
Comment is about (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
thanks for entering Isobel... I'll add my comments after the competition has ended, but just wanted to say thanks for entering and good luck...
Andy N x
Comment is about Cry Freedom (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Hi Cynthia thanks for your gracious comment on At Woody's Top.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Could I just make it clear that Francine does indeed look like her extremely close up picture on WOL. Having had the pleasure of her company over the summer, I can assure you that she is as full bodied as the several glasses of merlot we consumed - and I don't mean she is fat either...
Sometimes one can be surprised to find that people are just who they say they are. I'm sure that somewhere out there - maybe in the wilds of Wales or France, there is an Ivor Bigun - though it's probably a certainty he's small.
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Some interesting thoughts in this, Lynn...
I agree that Freedom, as with many other things, is a state of mind. Beautiful photo!
Comment is about Freedom (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Glad to see you back Kath!
there is always something sad and somewhat elusive about your poetry that touches the heart. I like the use of rain drops/rain to perhaps express how clearly you see and feel...
Comment is about (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
This evokes some powerful emotions and imagery...
These are my favourite lines:
'Still I’m haunted by that journey,
the weight of tears that pulled me down,
the wait for truth that need be found,
absolution hanging on a spider’s thread'
xxx
Comment is about Cry Freedom (blog)
Original item by Isobel
This is a good poem Izz - I wouldn't tweak it much. It may well attract votes. More important, though, it speaks very very strongly of life experience - yours and others. It will resonate, for sure.
Comment is about Cry Freedom (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Lovely to meet someone as un pc as me Banksy. Now - can everyone get on HIS case....
Comment is about Little green men (Freedom) (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Julian (Admin)
Wed 13th Oct 2010 13:27
As I rarely venture into these pages, I am not sure if I shall be as welcome here as death's potential arrival. But I am moved to comment by a sort of recognition of what this piece refers to.
Loved it, reminiscent of the monologue that informed a short film I had some small success with.
I love the way the poem seems itself as suppressed as the emotions it describes, with its quietness of recriminations, the unsaidedness of words and thoughts, and the static-though-ready-for-action tears.
If it were me (and it isn't, but...)I would consider removing one or two (what appear to me to be - personal opinion) superfluous words, so as to increase the sense of suppression. e.g. the word 'filled' after 'head'. And:
"eyes distant,
gazing at the horizon."
contains some duplication that could be removed.
Similarly the words "when she comes" seem perhaps superfluous: can't be made welcome if not here yet. in fact, the last couple of lines could be tightened, something like:
Wintery death, though dragging her heels,
will be made welcome.
Or not?
Not criticism, just discussion. Made me think. Thanks.
Comment is about Death Throes (blog)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery