Uncle Ned

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Yes I remember Uncle Ned, a short man stout and round.

Born and bred in Lancashire, where men like him are found.

Though manner bluff and hearty, and accent slow and thick,

His tack sharp mind was canny too, he didn’t miss a trick.


He owned a shop down Ashton way. His main job was to stock it

If any pennies  were found short, they weren`t from Ned`s own pocket!

Out on the road delivering stuff, he oft was heard to say

“Thad best look sharp, ah  can`t abide folks as get in mi way!


Iyway  code? Codswallop that! ah never minds them rules

Them as bides gets no wheer fast. They`re nought but bloody fools!

Av bin a driver forty year wiout a single crump

This owd vans as good as new it`s never ad a bump!


Ah don’t bother wi mirrors at side, they`re no use them t me

Ah  keeps mi eyes on road up front wheer eyes are meant fot be.

 Ah just pulls out an goes tha see. Ah don’t care wheer nor when

Them buggers at the back o me mun all fend for thensen!”


Thus spake owd Ned a gradely chap, to other drivers blind

God knows the mayhem that he wrought unwittingly behind.

Into  family  folk lore now immortalized by pen

His famous words still make us laugh… tha mun fend for thensen!!

◄ Under The Stairs

Naughty Digits! ►


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barrie singleton

Sat 26th Oct 2013 14:04

Synchronicity lives! But first I just want to say: I took a look at your titles and Ned appealed. I have worked with a broad Yorkshireman and remember all those quirks. he would say: "Wait while I come with you" or "D'y want owt?" So I found the 'simple' title led to a 'simple' poem and I was well satisfied.
Synchronicity: I had just finished writing a poem in which I used 'scrote'. As I scrolled down to the comment box, the word 'scrote' (Thurmaturgically Charged) jumped out! The Force is strong.

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 17:58

brings back so many good memories of Lancashire for, having emigrated to Yorkshire with litte hope of return, now I hanker after my old accent
I've just discovered your work Cate and am enchanted. You have a style after my own heart and the dialect is a jewel in the crown. ( I have to resort to Albert and the Lion or the Oldham Tinkers for a quick fix these days,

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Elaine Booth

Sun 22nd May 2011 19:42

Enjoyed this, Cate. You have captured some old turns of phrase and the accent so well here - reading it you get such a vivid picture of Uncle Ned and how he sounded, although I am sure an audio posting would be good too. X

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chris yates

Sun 15th May 2011 18:08

Such a funny poem and so real ...is that really a photo of Uncle Ned ??xx

<Deleted User> (7073)

Thu 17th Mar 2011 19:45

Uncle Ned was a tight old scrote who had me grafting a full weekend and generously gave me 25p needless to say I never worked for the old git ever again, Great peom Cate made me laugh ;-) XX

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Chris Co

Wed 16th Mar 2011 17:45

I thought this was really good at the Tudor Cate.

It has a good ole kilter, and is a lovely poetic story.

A testament to a person and a dialect that is probably disappearing as we speak.

Really enjoyable.


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John Coopey

Wed 16th Mar 2011 12:26

I've dedicated a poem to you. Just posted The Wars of the Roses.

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Laura Taylor

Tue 15th Mar 2011 10:26

Nice one, enjoyed this :)

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Andy N

Mon 14th Mar 2011 08:21

love it, cate... makes me think of my own family! x

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John Coopey

Sun 13th Mar 2011 23:04

I's'll etta woch aart!
Tha diggin' in mi tatie patch!

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Julian (Admin)

Sun 13th Mar 2011 13:07

Proper gradely tha knows! Love it.
When are you sisters going to sing in dialect then? and Fivepenny Piece were a pale imitation of The Oldham Tinkers. Try, for example, The Night John Willie took his ferret to a do:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAc6V0s5-H4&feature=related Or Oldham's Burnings Sands (dont be fooled by the magnificent Spanish singing in the opening bars:
Or Gary and Vera Aspey, real Wiganers who sing wonderful dialect stuff. Appropriate for Isobel with her sad wedding dress "blues" is Vera's Don't Get married girls. no tdialect but excellent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNfJGBhoeko

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Dave Carr

Sat 12th Mar 2011 23:35

Ey up lass!
A reet gradeley neet at t'Tudor tha knows.

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Anthony Emmerson

Sat 12th Mar 2011 23:04

Hi Cate,

If there's one thing poetry needs it's more dialect poetry! It's something I've loved since childhood. My Nan & Grandad, who were largely responsible for my upbringing, introduced me to it - though the dialect was largely Derbyshire. Later, in my teens, I was a fan of "The Fivepenny Piece" - a folk band from Lancashire who did a lot of dialect monologues etc.


One of my favourites was:


written by Bill Froggat.

Proper gradely lass, and a fitting tribute to Uncle Ned!


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Joy France

Sat 12th Mar 2011 21:27

This was a fantastic opener on Thursday - it set the standard bar so high!
I agree with Isobel that you MUST sort out audio to go with it

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Cate Greenlees

Sat 12th Mar 2011 20:31

Thanks folks....Ray I totally agree with you and have changed it as you suggested. Cheers.

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Ray Miller

Sat 12th Mar 2011 18:58

Enjoyed it, Cate, I like hearing/reading local dialects. Though I can't make out why you have "pennies short were found" rather than "pennies were found short."

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Sat 12th Mar 2011 18:29

Cate - you absolutely need audio with this - let me sort you out - or let Joe sort you out. Brilliant - so funny.

As I said on the night - I think Uncle Ned passed his driving skills onto me... I have a dreadful track history when it comes to reversing, as you well know!

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Dave Bradley

Sat 12th Mar 2011 18:18

Really really enjoyed this at the Tudor, Cate, and it's just as good here. Hard to choose between this and Oor Olive's Pumps - you really have got a gift. More please!

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