Nagasaki Shadows

Watching the ocean cherryspit villages across the fields
And spew the wreckages of an age into the Kyoukai
Where the flotsam and the derelict are indiscernible
From the hoardings and the fabric of the cot, the house
The workstation and the supermarket fittings
I can’t help but think that
If the waves keep rolling, rolling
Rolling on
They would be strong enough
To wash away the shadows
On the steps of the Sumitomo Bank

◄ One Nil

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Comments

<Deleted User> (8730)

Thu 4th Aug 2011 18:37

Yes, Tsunami, nucvlear explosion?

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Nash

Thu 24th Mar 2011 17:47

Thanks A.E.! Very kind words...

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Anthony Emmerson

Thu 24th Mar 2011 09:41

Hi Nash,

Admired the way you came at these tragic events from a different angle, and without overt sentimentality. Great cross-referencing and an understatedly humanitarian conclusion.

Excellent,

regsards,
A.E.

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Nash

Mon 21st Mar 2011 21:48

Thanks Elaine - actually what I was thinking was that no matter the atrocities mankind inflicts on one another - nature will be the one to have the final say

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 21:00

I like the fact that your poem is short yet packs so many references in. Am I being picky / dense perhaps but it seems to me the waves aren't something benevolent that can wash away the horror. Would "wish" put a different spin on it rather than "think"? I guess the subject matter is going to evoke very personal responses. I very much like "cherryspit".

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Nash

Fri 18th Mar 2011 14:26

Thanks chaps, much appreciated!

Ray, it's purposeful - both the clumsiness and awkwardness of the language/sentence and the, made up words (cherryspit). i just like doing that, nothing fancy particularly. but thank you!

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Ray Miller

Thu 17th Mar 2011 19:56

The poem provokes some thought, which is good, and it's nicely written and weighted except maybe "the wreckages of an age" which sounds clumsy, I think. Not sure wreckages is a word.

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Chris Co

Thu 17th Mar 2011 16:43

I would echo what Greg has said.
The image both literal that exists from 45 and how you contextualise it and create a new image from it- sombre and appropriate.

P.S

Good to see you post again Nash

My Best

Chris

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Greg Freeman

Thu 17th Mar 2011 15:49

Such a difficult subject to write about, but I think you've pulled it off. Important to link it to 1945. Especially as the radiation horror is starting all over again.

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