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Graham Sherwood

Mon 7th May 2012 15:03

Ann I liked this a lot but it felt a bit untidy to me.
I hate suggesting changes but it seems as if the lines have been exchanged somewhat (lines 2 and 3 would be better transposed etc).

I love the idea of it and its overall charm. Who is Maxim de Winter?

Regards,

Graham

Comment is about Waiting for Maxim . . . (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Rose Drew

Mon 7th May 2012 14:56

Is it possible that 4 quid is too dear? Perhaps peformers can read for just a pound. That'll get some ppl up to the mic!! Lots of events do that to entice reluctant performers on to the stage. I have to admit that 4 pounds would give me pause......

Comment is about Open mic performers wanted at Petersfield (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Rose Drew

Mon 7th May 2012 14:54

Dominic Berry is wonderful: inventive, brilliant, energetic. I've seen him twice, at the York Lit Fest 2010 Slam, and as the Guest Feature at Speaker's Corner in York.

Review is about WRITE ANGLE POETRY & MUSIC +OPEN MIC on 15 May 2012 (event)

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Shirley Smothers

Mon 7th May 2012 14:51

Hi Isobel. Unfortunately my poem "A Haiku about a Stolen Poem" is true. It was more like the poem was used without giving me credit.
I will later post a second poem with a gentler tone, about this experience.

Thanks Shirley

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Lynn Dye

Mon 7th May 2012 14:35

I really like this, Tommy, good one!

Comment is about A Lady's dismissal (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

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Lynn Dye

Mon 7th May 2012 14:20

Hi Chris,
Only just read all this, and have to say, I very much agree with your views on right wing press brainwashing the masses. Keep writing!

Comment is about Right Thinking (blog)

Original item by Chris Co

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Isobel

Mon 7th May 2012 11:38

LOL - I hope this isn't true Shirley - if they did they gave you an extra syllable in exchange!

Comment is about Haiku about a Stolen Poem (blog)

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Isobel

Mon 7th May 2012 11:29

I like your use of internal rhyme Gus. This sounds like it should be set to music - were you aiming for lyrics? I also think it's one that needs to be heard - you should try loading sound - easier said than done, I know. I can only record mine when I have my son around to sort out the technicalities :)

Comment is about Still a Little Crazy (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

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Isobel

Mon 7th May 2012 11:20

Bugger - just wrote a long comment and then lost it when I tried to update... will paraphrase.

I like the memories you evoke. I think this will perform well. I find it really sad when people don't get to realise their dreams. x

Comment is about The Scarf (blog)

Original item by christine yates

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 6th May 2012 16:03

Win, I missed this intent by relating the poem to the picture, and misinterpreting the 'You" and 'a puddle of water'. Having read the comments, I realize these were 'miners'. Maybe, I might have picked up the reference but " 'a' puddle of water" really threw me off too. Probably just me.

Comment is about Easington Colliery (blog)

Original item by Winston Plowes

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 6th May 2012 15:50

No, they're not.

This is a good 'list' poem. IMO, it generally supports both points of view, except for 'spoils the beauty' and 'leadens the heart'. Only those two lines steer the reader into 'tragedy'; all the others could be inferred either way, according to inclination.

Comment is about What is love? (blog)

Original item by Katy Megan

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 6th May 2012 15:44

Jane, this is a great poem, full of stirring technical jargon modified by the equally stirring beauty of adaptive nature, situations which meet us everywhere.

Comment is about Statto of the Railway Lines (blog)

Original item by jane wilcock

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 6th May 2012 15:35

This is terrific - for me, one of your best. A complete capture from the first two lines, and it just kept getting better.

Comment is about On stolen sheets (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

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kaleeM rajA

Sun 6th May 2012 14:33

tommy i love the quotes. we have the same heroes it seems, especially hicks. here's something you would love re: corporate stooges and mercenaries

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBRpW5sEvJk

its stemmed from a great venomous skit hicks did about jay leno and someone turned it into this great piece.

enjoy. let me know what you think.

Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)

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kaleeM rajA

Sun 6th May 2012 14:27

hi tommy. lol @ poetrying. yes i will poetry to the max! lol

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chris yates

Sun 6th May 2012 14:24

Fran loved the rummage in the brain x

Comment is about Fran Isherwood (poet profile)

Original item by Fran Isherwood

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chris yates

Sun 6th May 2012 14:17

Thank you for your comment on "The Scarf" xx

Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)

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tommyfazz@yahoo.com

Sun 6th May 2012 13:43

Hi and welcome- get poetrying NOW! ;o)

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kaleeM rajA

Sun 6th May 2012 13:30

Ann thank you so much.
Your welcome means a lot to me.
Glad you liked the plastic surgery poetry.
It's a new one never been performed live - will be performing it on tuesday.

i really like this website.
its such a great idea. and nice way to meet other writers.
i love it!

Comment is about kaleeM rajA (poet profile)

Original item by kaleeM rajA

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Cate Greenlees

Sun 6th May 2012 12:31

Hi Yvonne, just a quick message to say thank you so much for taking all that time and effort to go back through virtually all my work and comment on it.
As your emails kept coming in I went back and read them myself after a gap of a couple of years and its amazing how much of my life is recorded one way or another in those poems!
Some of your comments amused me, some of them I found touching, but in all of them I felt genuine warmth and feeling of "kindred spirits"
My family has just arrived so Ive not time now, but I will return the complement and look at your work later. Best wishes.
Cate xx

Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)

Original item by Yvonne Brunton

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Helen Calcutt

Sun 6th May 2012 11:17

Hello Ann, you can view some samples via my website. Thanks for visiting.

Comment is about Helen Calcutt (poet profile)

Original item by Helen Calcutt

Philipos

Sun 6th May 2012 09:34

Greg, truly sorry I couldn't make Bugsy. Had 2 SSAFA cases for urgent re-homing and still ongoing. Hope it was a success though in spite of Woking's slushy Somme conditions. CHEERS.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 6th May 2012 09:11

Sorry about that Thomas - t'was my fault not Greg's.

Comment is about Head for St Ives for poetry in the square (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 6th May 2012 09:05

Hi kaleeM and welcome to WOL. I hope you enjoy being part of the site! Hope you put a poem on the blogs section soon. I really enjoyed the one about plastic surgery - bet thats hilarious live! :)

Comment is about kaleeM rajA (poet profile)

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 6th May 2012 09:00

Hi Helen - it would be great if you could add some of your poems to your profile page - thanks :)

Comment is about Helen Calcutt (poet profile)

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Yvonne Brunton

Sat 5th May 2012 21:22

Because there's too many cheese in the holes.

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

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winston plowes

Sat 5th May 2012 21:18

Why does a mouse when it spins?

Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)

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Yvonne Brunton

Sat 5th May 2012 19:35

great feeling of the impotence of man in the face of the machinations of fate. Love the last 3 lines. Sent a shiver up my spine. XX

Comment is about Adrift (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

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Yvonne Brunton

Sat 5th May 2012 19:20

I'm struggling with the lack of punctuation with this Christine. Should there be a full stop after moving things around? and

'Memories of Ireland

They had never been

A present from there Grandaughter' (ps - their)

I see the meaning but miss the syntax.


Also in line 2 the addition of 'I saw' would help to clarify who/ what is looking through the window.

I Love the bittersweet memories in the poem and the last 4 lines are so poignant.
Do you feel 'box' as a euphemism for coffin really works? For me it rather detracts from the serious emotion in this poem.XX

Comment is about The Scarf (blog)

Original item by christine yates

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Yvonne Brunton

Sat 5th May 2012 18:35

Ah Yes, now I feel a tension between the desire for freedom and the reality of the humdrum life in the lounge - and the cat now also represents freedom as it has gone where it wants. Well done Josh. XX

Comment is about Through the window (blog)

Original item by Joshua Van-Cook

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Rachel Bond

Sat 5th May 2012 15:56

oh i love this bt. electrickk...At night I reach over and unplug every cord
I turn you all off
cause none of you are turning me on...id ike to know how to do this. im sick of tuning into to flat lined frequencies. its draining and dull.

floating and cut.

Just like being in water weightless
The water takes you and you are blameless

The first time I had my cords cut
I floated up
So quickly
I was unrooted
Laughing


i read your poem listening to 'help yourself' death in vegas. good combo...intsrumental just like the water full of electric strings :)

Comment is about Remember to Float (blog)

Original item by BT

<Deleted User> (5011)

Sat 5th May 2012 15:17

At the risk of losing any chances I had of a knighthood (i.e. none!): I don't understand this lot cosying up to royalty like this. It's vomit-inducing. Patten, Armitage, what are you doing? What? Oh, you get PAID for it? Well that's all right then, after all they've all got their fingers in the pie, so what's the problem? That is!

Comment is about Sixty poems to mark Queen's 60 years (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Lynn Dye

Sat 5th May 2012 15:03

I have just tweaked out "doth" and "eternally", but decided to keep "blissful".

Comment is about Devotion (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

<Deleted User> (5011)

Sat 5th May 2012 14:57

If I say I like this, I mean it works, touches me. I don't like the sentiments it evokes in me, the helplessness it seems to seep from; or is it disappointment?
It speaks to me, Michael. And the audio does it more justice than the page can, in my humblish opinion.

Comment is about Porcelain (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

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chris yates

Sat 5th May 2012 12:12

night terrors for sure very real, swallowed hole by terror !! still get them arghhh

Comment is about Night Terrors (blog)

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chris yates

Sat 5th May 2012 12:04

well done Laura, what a brilliant poem and you were brill on the night (-: xxx

Comment is about That poetry podium feeling: Greenheart prize-winner Laura on a grand night out (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Joshua Van-Cook

Sat 5th May 2012 10:29

Thank you, I must admit I am bad for starting something, getting distracted, and then changing tense.

I have altered it with your suggestions in mind. Please let me know what you think of the alterations.

- Josh

Comment is about Through the window (blog)

Original item by Joshua Van-Cook

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tommyfazz@yahoo.com

Fri 4th May 2012 23:54

Laura Laura Laura, x

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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nick armbrister

Fri 4th May 2012 23:27

thanx winston, its from the late 90s.

Comment is about MAN-MADE MECHANIZATIONS (blog)

Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 4th May 2012 23:17

Winston, thank you for your kind words on Grisaille.
I suppose the title came from a melange of sepia, a euphemism for nostalgia, and the manner of painting in a vague and unclear fashion.

Regards, Graham

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 21:36

This doesn't really work for me. The first verse is in the present tense and the second is in the past so the link between the two is ruptured.
Not quite sure why the cat is described as anxious as the adjective does not seem relevant to the general mood of the poem.
'sat' should actually be 'sitting'(sorry I am a saddo - wrong grammar throws me) which would be 2 syllables so you could try another single syllabled word like - left, perched, ( or you could say sod the grammar)or omit the word 'coloured'
'an immaculate..... is rather vague, try 'the immaculate....
Back to the cat. If at the end of your poem (after work surface) you put something like -

The cat stretched and abandoned her perch.
I heard the sound of the television in the living room.
At that I went back.

you get an ending that is linked back to the beginning so that the whole thing feels completed.

I like your lines 'And up into the blossoms

Of the trees that were here before this house.'

These are only my opinions and reflect the way I feel and interpret words. They may not correspond with your ideas and feelings at all.XX



Comment is about Through the window (blog)

Original item by Joshua Van-Cook

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:55

oho that last line is the killer! A powerful poem worthy os a stage delivery. I can hear the last line as a wistful yet sinister sotto voce. XX

Comment is about I am..... (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:52

I've gone all gooey!!

Comment is about For Isla (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:51

third verse is brilliant. Come to think of it so is the rest! Ha Ha loved it.

Comment is about Stock Market (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:49

The Mc Donald massacre was a travesty. I love Jim Mclean's song 'The Massacre of Glencoe'
As My young granddaughter has red hair I really enjoyed the sentiments in this. XX

Comment is about My Little Red Haired Laddie (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:39

Rhyming is fine at the end of a line
Or if you can fiddle it into the middle -
As you can see here, it will gladden the ear
Of many a reader. For you know they need a
Strong rhythm, and rhyme, at the end of each line.

lets hear it for us rhyming poets! XX

Comment is about A Pretty Shitty Little Ditty... OR.. It Was Good Enough For Shakespeare.... (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:26

After I'd stopped drooling at the photo I had a good giggle at your poem. Just the job for poking fun at Narcissus and his mates. This is definitely a performance poem with attitude. XX

Comment is about The Body Builders Lament (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 20:18

I see a recurring theme in your work of things not being as they seem to be or as we would wish them to be. I quite like these dark undercurrents.XX

Comment is about Old Photographs (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 19:59

Archivable in its clarity of description of reminiscences through the eyes of a child A time long gone but not forgotten. Wonderful images 'clop off up the road', snuggling up in bed with a sibling, the pavement games,'The body rock hard as the pick axe' I could go on but the others have already said it all. XX

Comment is about Our Gramps (blog)

Original item by Cate

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Yvonne Brunton

Fri 4th May 2012 19:47

bet this left a few breathless!!

Comment is about A Cheeky Little Number (blog)

Original item by Cate

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