A sinister little dream sequence that Alfred Hitchcock would have felt at home with. Dum-de-dum-dum-de-dum-de-dum...remember the music for his TV series? I posted a poem once about having a nightmare from which it wasn't possible to wake. Join the club of us weirdos! LOL.
Comment is about The Creepy Old House (blog)
Original item by Shirley Smothers
Just made a few adjustments to the blog, shifting our samples to the right to make more space for comments.
Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)
Original item by Stockport WoL
A sad and chilling poem brilliantly written,displaying disappointment and trauma in so few lines.
Comment is about Daddys girl (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
Enjoyed reading this a fabulous flow of unique phrasing.As for a title----"Me !"
Comment is about Hurt (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
A big WAW !!!So simple but magnificent.
Comment is about For a moment (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
tony sheridan
Sat 20th Oct 2012 11:50
J.S.Watts reading at the 2012 MK Paint Jam.
Comment is about J.S.Watts (photo)
Original item by J.S.Watts
tony sheridan
Sat 20th Oct 2012 10:35
I once saw "Do not drive or operate machinery" on a bottle of cough medicine for babies! Take care, Tony.
Comment is about Tiramisu (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Oh, I love that one, John! Thanks for that, how crazy.
Thank you, Tony.
Comment is about Tiramisu (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
John,
Just come on, late and tired, but your blog woke me up a bit.
Where on earth does conscience come from? And why do, not only most religions or faiths, but also all of the secular psycho analytical world, talk so much about it?
It is quite obvious that people don`t always get what they deserve here on earth, So why do so many of us so fiercly desire that they should?
And why does atheistic Humanism strive so ardently to make us be fair and nice to each other...why should we? It is obvious that many who aren`t fair at all often do very well at the expense of those of us who are?
The bankers got many more millions than they deserved (not to mention the social security fiddlers who - between them - probably got billions)...And all at the expense of the ones who were genuine claimants.
Many - if not most - of the poems on here rail against injustice...Why? It`s not good enough to say that it is merely a human `instinct`, The `instinct` to fiddle is just as human. Why do we praise the one and condemn the other.
Your conscience (for that`s what it is) argues a sound bringing up...and it`s an excellent point from which to start thinking about `the meaning of life`...For why the hell should we worry about conscience if life has no meaning anyway?
Thanks for waking me up.
Comment is about Karma (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Very enjoyable Laura.
My favourite lines were;
Quote
weaving magic wrapped in words
from ancient mariners
for little girls
Unquote
I very much liked the decision to bring the poem full circle. The opening words, told again; now doing so in the revealed light of all that has gone before. In a sense these words are not the same, despite being the very same.
There is a joy and a sadness in this, at least there is for me looking in. I very much doubt such relationships are likely to exist anymore. As a child, I too formed wonderful relationships with older people. Even if it was just chatting with a next door neighbour about cars, sheds or cricket etc.
The wonder and connection between children and the elderly is of course well known and a cliche, probably because of the common truth of it.
Modern life has of course revealed the terrible minority that have done and would do a child harm. As a result, maybe rightly, things are much more protective these days. How sad though that children may miss out on the wonderment of the relationships that we had (if this is from personal experience, perhaps I presume too much due to the quality of the writing).
Very enjoyable poem.
Best
Chris
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Ha ha! Oh yeah. Through all of it. It's a wonder it makes any sense at all.
Comment is about Corridor- the urban desert (blog)
Original item by Cathy Crabb
I love the first verse and the 2nd is fine but you must've still been pissed when you wrote the rest, yeah?
Comment is about Corridor- the urban desert (blog)
Original item by Cathy Crabb
I think "at 84" increases the ambiguity a bit.I should leave the title as it is, maybe lose the italics, not really necessary.
Amidst the chip-pan air, shufflecoughing and rusty iron coils, rainbow stripe sticks out. Maybe that's as it should be. I'd have gone for summat more restrained.
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Philipos
Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:50
Full of lovely images and I enjoyed reading it Laura. Well done.
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thanks for commenting about Facebook, Izzy.
I think it's one of those conjugatable verbs:
I communicate with the wider world
You post your news
They write dross
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Hello Lynn.
Glad you liked Facebook.
I think we're all as guilty as each other in enjoying something quite so inane.
Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Cheers Darren :)
Ah right, ok, that's interesting about the italics. Hmmm. Have to mull a bit more on this. This has taken the longest time EVER to (almost) finish...the very first draft was 7 months ago! I've picked it up and put it down so many times, got real frustrated with it. It's almost unrecognisable from the first draft now. But much better! ;D
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Glad you liked Facebook, MC.
I wonder if we will look back in 50 years time (I know I won't) and think, "Facebook, tweets, celebrity status, budget TV - what was all that about?".
I hope so because if we don't we will be in a very shallow place.
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Francine
Ah, there you are! Hiding all the while on my page and not your own.
Isabel gets it right when she says that the attraction of Facebook is that it's so vaccuous.
Still, I wish I'd invented the bl**dy thing!
Comment is about Facebook (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Thanks for commenting on my haikupi, AE.
I tend to do my own whittling in the shed.
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
darren thomas
Fri 19th Oct 2012 15:59
Hi Laura - I enjoyed reading this too.
It's obvious that you think about your words carefully before committing them down.
'Dignity was diamond-like' stands out - and personally, i don't think the italics are necessary - i couldn't even see the italic when i first read it and nothing was lost for me.
dt
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thanks for your constructive and considered comments Anthony, much appreciated :)
Yeh, I do tend to lapse into uncontrollable alliteration sometimes! I talk like that a lot too, it comes out completely unintentionally...I wonder if that's why I'm not more critical of it in my poems. I will look at both examples again - see if I can't erase some of the obviousness.
This is really useful folks, cos I'm wanting to send this away to a publisher by the end of the month, with the theme of 'hometown heroes/heroines' and I reckon it'll fit, don't you? And I've worked on this for bloody aaaaages now!
Yeh, Seamus sitting - in my mind's eye, I can still see him sitting on his back step, watching me jump round :)
Glad you like shufflecoughing. I bloody love poetry for the chance it gives me to actually USE the words I'm constantly making up ha :D
No intention re the rhythm, as it goes, but I like what you drew from it :) As I was telling someone last night, the rhythm just comes out of everything I say and write, and I suspect it's due to being a music obsessive since being a nipper...I'll play percussion on and with anything, all the time, it's constant in my head. I actually drive myself a bit batshit cos I can't seem to break away from the rhythms.
Anyhoo, epic post over!! Thanks again :)
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Really enjoyed this Laura. It has a very fitting rhythm - like a child's skipping song, which I guess was your intention. I don't have a problem with the title seeming a little ambivalent; it's good to surprise the reader, or even make them apprehensive sometimes.
"Shufflecoughing" says rather more than its mere four syllables suggest - a very fitting description. I think maybe the alliteration could be turned down a little, "telling tales taller" for instance; I think you could drop "fierce" too, without losing anything.
I feel "Seaumus smoked and smiled" would be enough. Those are my only tiny quibbles on what is a very satisfying and rewarding read. Well done.
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on 'Grandad', Sid - I admire your work so it's good to hear your feedback.
It's always interesting, seeing what others make of your stuff. I'd never even considered the title might be distressing. But...no...it doesn't bother me, I like the extra level of interpretation, in fact.
However, I was considering changing it cos I thought it signified the relationship too clumsily. Do you think a simple 'Seamus Rimer' would be better, or worse?
Mmmm...do you mean out of place sonically? I wanted to signify many colours of conversation, lots of ground covered, and of course, the storytelling/fantastic element to the whole thing too.
And it WAS originally 'at 84' - but I wanted to have the ambiguity of him living at number 84, and/or being the age of 84. So I'll leave that as it is.
What about the italicisation of that middle section? Seem okay to you? I wanted it to come across as flashback, but am questioning whether it's really necessary now.
Comment is about Ray Miller (poet profile)
Original item by Ray Miller
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Sid - I admire your work so it's good to hear your feedback.
It's always interesting, seeing what others make of your stuff. I'd never even considered the title might be distressing. But...no...it doesn't bother me, I like the extra level of interpretation, in fact.
However, I was considering changing it cos I thought it signified the relationship too clumsily. Do you think a simple 'Seamus Rimer' would be better, or worse?
Mmmm...do you mean out of place sonically? I wanted to signify many colours of conversation, lots of ground covered, and of course, the storytelling/fantastic element to the whole thing too.
And it WAS originally 'at 84' - but I wanted to have the ambiguity of him living at number 84, and/or being the age of 84. So I'll leave that as it is.
What about the italicisation of that middle section? Seem okay to you? I wanted it to come across as flashback, but am questioning whether it's really necessary now.
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Enjoyed this. The title threatens something distressing, perhaps. Dunno if that bothers you.
If it were mine I'd have "at 84"
rainbow stripe seems out of place somehow
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Love this. Tender and truthful. Particularly like the end verse.
Comment is about Betting on a Photo (blog)
Original item by Ray Miller
tony sheridan
Fri 19th Oct 2012 11:35
Beautiful and very moving. Take care, Tony.
Comment is about First Heartbeat (blog)
Original item by Graham Eccles
Thanks Laura for the comment on Not In Love (acrostic). It's something new to me, it's the first one I've done.
Hazel
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
A change in style from what I've read/heard by you so far Hazel, and I think it's very good.
I like acrostics anyway. I did one myself a couple of years ago and didn't even know it was an 'acrostic' until someone told me - didn't know there was term for it ha! I was just messing about with it!
Anyway, back to the poem. I like the stripped down style of it, it's direct but not dumbed down, works perfectly as an acrostic, and has a coldness to it which comes from falling out of love with someone. Nicely done!
Comment is about Not In Love (Acrostic) (blog)
This is great, in so many ways. I'm a total sucker for a narrative poem and this is packed with evocative images. The idea of the bet on the back of the photo, knowing it won't get lost :) The 'no exit' sign is a fantastic touch as well.
You have lovely phrasing - 'my hair curling outward from Elvis to Hendrix' - love it!
Comment is about Betting on a Photo (blog)
Original item by Ray Miller
"Emma who became her eyes,"
"and married a lovely sighted man"
"why had no one told her how beautiful the world is."
The magic of this tale beautifully encapsulated in verse.Well done Lynn!
Comment is about Emma was her Eyes (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
I once saw a sign in a field saying,
"It is an offence to throw stones at this notice".
Comment is about Tiramisu (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
tony sheridan
Fri 19th Oct 2012 00:27
Hi Hugh. You have just made my day! Take care, Tony.
Comment is about Car Trouble ! (blog)
Original item by hugh
Autumn is very nice and so is Spring. Not so keen on other 2.A suggestion
Their eyes begin to close for they are used
to too much winter.
When the seasons change so quickly there's
a whole new reason for remaining tight.
you wonder how they get it by. What's "it"?
Comment is about 4Seasons (blog)
Big clouds they were as well!
Comment is about Nigel Astell (poet profile)
Original item by Nigel Astell
Philipos
Thu 18th Oct 2012 19:01
Hello Anthony, have added to 'The Naked Truth' site. Many thanks for commenting. Have just listened to Genesis- loved the lyrics and sea backdrop. Visiting Neil has given me an idea for a poem title too.
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
... an average nightmare for me .. must stop drinking so much coffee !!
Comment is about The Creepy Old House (blog)
Original item by Shirley Smothers
Belinda, just read 'From Kurashiki to Manchester' - cannot think how I managed to miss this lovely piece of work: I felt I was right there with you: keep up the good work, love!
Dorinda x
Comment is about From Kurashiki to Manchester (blog)
Original item by Belinda
Hi M.C.
I have posted my creepy poem "The Creepy Old House".
After reading this poem my daughter said, "Mom what's wrong with you!" LOL!
Shirley
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Hello Steve. Thank you for your kind comment on my poem "The Old Broken Doll."
I have also posted a very creepy doll poem. It's titled "The Creepy Old House."
Thanks
Shirley
Comment is about Steve Higgins (poet profile)
Original item by Steve Higgins
tony sheridan
Thu 18th Oct 2012 12:43
Hi Andy. Thanks for the info. Will take a look. Take care, Tony.
Comment is about Andy Humphrey (poet profile)
Original item by Andy Humphrey
tony sheridan
Thu 18th Oct 2012 12:29
Do experimental poets have minds? (Needle in a haystack maybe?) :)
I freely admit to being a lifetime honorary member of the "Box of Frogs" club. After all, sanity is just a word used by those who don't acknowledge their madness . . .
Haikuists? Isn't that standing in line for the lift at the top of Blackpool Tower?
Comment is about Confirmation? (blog)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Thanks Tony for your kind comments, they're much appreciated. I don't tend to blog on Write Out Loud but if you wander over to the Poet's Soapbox (http://poets-soapbox.blogspot.com) I usually have something to say! If you're looking for more poetry samples there are some on my website - I don't update as often as I should but I'm aiming to do an "autumn clean" soon, upload some new stuff and also some links to other websites where there are samples of my work.
Comment is about Andy Humphrey (poet profile)
Original item by Andy Humphrey
tony sheridan
Thu 18th Oct 2012 10:38
Hi Andy. I like your work. Hope to see a blog entry soon. Take care, Tony.
Comment is about Andy Humphrey (poet profile)
Original item by Andy Humphrey
tony sheridan
Thu 18th Oct 2012 10:06
Hi Steve. Thanks for your comments on World Leaders. Take care, Tony.
Comment is about Steve Higgins (poet profile)
Original item by Steve Higgins
Isobel
Sat 20th Oct 2012 18:31
Sadly you are right Chris. I don't have such warm memories of an old man I once knew as a child - and I'd never be encouraging my kids to step into anyone's light in that way. I do regret their loss of freedom though.
All that being said, this is a lovely poem that kind of restores your faith in the good side of human nature.
I like the way the poem opens and closes on the door, the light and the play on that idea; by the end of the poem it's pretty obvious that Seamus brings light into the life of the poet - and that for me is the central theme.
It IS a rewarding read - and very deftly executed. For what it's worth, I like the title. It's unsentimental but catches you, especially after a second read.
Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor