Thank you both so much! ?

Comment is about DOORMAT (blog)

Original item by Alexandra K. Parapadakis

hey Simon - despite my morning ramble rant I did take that message of hope from your poem and I agree wholeheartedly - we need to hold on tight for it's gonna be a rocky ride over these next few years that's for sure.

coincidentally - I've been reading a novel recently called American Rust by Philipp Meyer which is set in a former steel mill town in Pennsylvania. There's a good sense of dispossession, displacement and dereliction portrayed throughout the narrative. That same feeling was also something I came across whilst travelling through the States this summer - the crumbling infrastructure and poor housing stock - and I wondered how on earth things could come to this shocking state of disrepair - such massive lack of investment especially in poorer areas.

we see the same here and throughout many 'rich' countries yet we're told there is no money - that we have to endure austerity - yet somehow it just doesn't stack up. Insidious corruption pervades our democratic political systems - it seems the majority don't either see it or want to believe it exists.

yikes! - my morning ramble rant has turned into an afternoon ramble rant - best shut the fuck up quick!

Comment is about He'll Make America Great Again (blog)

Original item by Simon Widdop

A thought provoking poem elP - your stuff is like superglue, drawing you in. It's intriguing that school doesn't deal with real life contingencies , at least it never used to. Probably this is why so many come into markets without an ounce of experience , running around like headless chickens, where i'm sure the art of lying comes in very handy. Sorry for the rant! It feels more like artifice than an endemic where shades of truth are exploited. Clever how you repeat the word lies - feels like lashes of a whip.

Ray ( I hope this is not floundering , but I am getting a cold!)

Comment is about my old school (blog)

Original item by nunya

Hi John - Thank you - I shall be delighted to read on Wed 16 Nov: see you then! - Dorinda x

Comment is about Stockport WoL (group profile)

Original item by Stockport WoL

Thank you guys for the comments/feedback. I wanted to write something with hope rather than despair (I've already seen the anger across the States this morning on social media and mainstream news) like Brexit, we do need to come together and now work towards a more progressive ideal rather than in-fighting

Comment is about He'll Make America Great Again (blog)

Original item by Simon Widdop

Ha! I didn't really see that last line coming - that random hand is always picking us up and dropping us into new and scary situations - we just have to trust it and embrace the challenge I guess.

Great title and you offer an interesting perspective from a young person's point of view which is always appreciated by me. Thanks for posting.

Comment is about Random Hand From the Sky (blog)

Original item by Claire

Andy. Very moving

Comment is about A Rapturous welcome (blog)

Original item by Andy Smyth

Hi Claire, glad to hear my suggestions didn't fill you with horror - try this when you get stuck with rhymes but don't tell anyone I suggested it:

http://www.rhymezone.com/

C?L

Comment is about Wishing Well (blog)

Original item by Claire

good to hear elP's optimism but I wonder if your call to arms is a tad wistful Simon - harking back to a day when poets, artists, students and the like took to their art and the streets in protest. I guess we have Facebook memes nowadays but I don't see much artistic revolt and Trump became President elect via an uprising of white middle aged blue collar workers in the Rust Belt.

As per Brexit, the established centre ground of politics had no answers for those who felt disaffected and adrift within their own society and neglected communities. If we are to have a revolution it should be based on reality and not falsehoods and platitudes. We bemoan the loss of industry to countries like China yet we continue to sell out to them at every opportunity and our politicians seem impotent or shit scared to stand up and say "no more". It doesn't take a genius to see why the Rust Belters have had enough and why they see a businessman and not a politician might offer them hope and salvation.

Most of the artistic world have their heads so far ensconced up their arses they cannot tell day from night and revolutionaries in the old sense of the word have taken to lurking behind the relative safety and comfort of an ethernet cable.

But I have faith in the 'visionaries' as long as the politicians give them free reign and don't allow their own vested interests to get in the way of alternative thinking. Elon Musk of Tesla (US) and Dale Vince of Ecotricity (UK) are two examples but they are up against the might of the motor and energy industries respectively. Sadly politicians appear blinkered to these new potentials as if pre-programmed to press the self-destruct button. And bizarrely, the visionaries they choose to ignore are precisely the ones that could bring industry and jobs back to the Rust Belts and make America Great Again.

It's Trump's turn now. Maybe he will succeed where his predecessors have consistently failed.

Thanks for posting Simon.

Comment is about He'll Make America Great Again (blog)

Original item by Simon Widdop

Terrific poem, Ray, summing up the brilliance of the film Get Carter with such keen observation, for all us devotees of the movie. And to hear you reading it at the Keystone in Guildford last Monday in your Michael Caine accent ... I know there was videoing going on that night. It would be great if Jan had managed to capture it. I look forward to a repeat at Write Out Loud Woking on 21 November!

Comment is about GET CARTER (Jack's Return Home) (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Definitely a watch for the upcoming weekend..can you believe I can choose from Caine or Stallone..fucking wondrous..oh bless this beautiful world!

elP

ps
As far as the film goes, I hope I haven't missed something imminently relevant? (that would be the like of me)..

thanks for stoking my curiosity anyway it goes, Ray

Comment is about GET CARTER (Jack's Return Home) (blog)

Original item by ray pool

I love hearing your suggestions, Collin. I am not the most experienced in writing poetry, especially not poetry like this. I wrote a story about a wishing well and I wanted to see if I could put it into a poem. It didn't work too well, I'll admit. In the story, the little girl actually wore a diamond and she rode a horse, but unfortunately, "diamond" doesn't rhyme with "girl" and "horse" doesn't rhyme with "hope".

Comment is about Wishing Well (blog)

Original item by Claire

I so appreciate the attitude here, Simon. Let us not despair. He is one man in a country known for its political attitudes which sway cyclically back and forth. We are watching him.

No sparks dying here..may they all alight with all the more fervor for the sake of light.

elP

Comment is about He'll Make America Great Again (blog)

Original item by Simon Widdop

Hi Jean.Such a wonderful wealth of images here.May I suggest 'Antiquity' or something similar as a title?





Rose.?

Comment is about GROWING OLDER (blog)

Original item by jean lucy thompson

I like this too. A bold subject well-explored.

Any thoughts about cutting down? Or maybe having it in two parts?

Comment is about Esoteric (for #sayhername) (blog)

Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)

A good poem, Tommy. Not entirely agreed on your thoughts, but that's not relevant.

I do anticipate the first official meeting of the two 'macho men', Trump and Putin. Who knows? Mutual respect may be a 'leveller' instead of a 'catalyst'.

Comment is about Election USA (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Definitely two good reasons for writing, Becky. Welcome to WOL.

Comment is about Becky Bintus (poet profile)

Original item by Becky Bintus

The subject matter alone makes this a pleasure to read.

Comment is about A Mum (blog)

Original item by Becky Bintus

Thanks Colin - I wasn't happy either . Hope you like the alternative now ! You're drawing on the American trip again, I like it. This guy really epitomized a complete attitude to life and I doubt if he would have reached a decent age. He was the same age as me three score and thirteen at the present count.
Appreciate your frank opinion.

Comment is about JACK (blog)

Original item by ray pool

well I don't remember a Jack Walton when I visited the Walton's Mountain Museum in Schuyler, Virginia - maybe this was a renegade cousin let loose in the southern states of the UK in an ill thought out depression era exchange programme? - not that you're that old I should add - are you? - throw me a ladder I need to climb out of this hole!

jokes aside - another great poem Ray - third verse a gem.

however, I feel you lose your stride a little in the last 4 lines both with flow and choice of rhymes. With respect as always. Colin

Comment is about JACK (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Hello Mike ?
Thank you so much for the correction. I rectified it immediately and I am really grateful for your encouragement and guidance.



I look forward to hearing more from you.


-Tia

Comment is about Noetic-fret! (poet profile)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

Suicide Disorder would have made a great title - in a Joy Divisiony sort of way - good poem Tommy.

Comment is about Election USA (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

There is a lovely thread running through this poem Claire but it unravels and gets lost along the way. I would suggest not rushing to post, keep reading through, out loud if necessary, to hear the words - ask yourself, does it flow?

For example: 'The words ripple through all the deep and darkened blue' is lovely and reads well - but the following line: 'through the waves and the salt of the sea. To a cave in the depths' feels awkward.

Counting and matching syllables helps as too does avoiding repeating words like 'the' - 'the waves the salt the sea'.

There is a magical fairy tale feel to the story but I would also suggest trying to avoid using any random word just because it rhymes. I'm thinking here of 'antelope' to rhyme with 'hopes'. Perhaps this whole poem is based around a dream where you or the girl rides an antelope but put into the context of a poem even dream images can seem a little daft.

So anyways, I'll shut up now and hope you don't mind hearing my suggestions. All the best and thanks for posting.

Comment is about Wishing Well (blog)

Original item by Claire

Hi Tia,

I really like your wordage. However as a critique I would say that present tense and past seem to confuse.

It could be me, but for example I would write the 3rd stanza like this to keep the present tense going.

Here comes the summer of life
Light is glowing and ready to thrive
All my agony and anguish no more
Warmth -of -heat seals my soul

I changed the word 'sealed' for 'seals'

I feel that makes the poem flow better.

Thoughts?

Keep writing and stay well Tia.

Best wishes

Mike

x

Comment is about seasons (blog)

Original item by Unabridge_soul (Tulika)

Aye Tommy,

I am dreading the outcome of what is plainly a farce.

The skinny is though if you want to gauge whats going to happen in 10 years in the UK, look at the USA now.

It won't be long before 'our' judges are being bought and our society be rotten throughout. It's verging that way as it is.

Not good omens for the UK.

Stay well blue,

Mike

Comment is about Election USA (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

I really like this Otis! At one point the tears were welling in my eyes.

There is such sorrow within the poem, such hurt from the point of view of the experience of the character.

Nice one blue. You truly are a wordsmith.

Comment is about Esoteric (for #sayhername) (blog)

Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)

Hey Suki and Stu..I thank you much, sirs!

elP

Comment is about unreachable (blog)

Original item by nunya

love this! basically summed up my feelings towards poetry! xx

Comment is about 'I can't Stop' by Claire is Write Out Loud's Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

I'm unsure of the meaning of a number of your lines David however there is a feeling of derangement running through them. I will reserve my position on the suitability of the two main contestants; or maybe I wont. Tommy

Comment is about We wait with bated breath, to who will kill the rest of us ? (blog)

Original item by David R Mellor

Thanks for that Suki, a nice compliment .

Ray

Comment is about RECUMBENT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Perhaps WSC preferred the history he helped so substantially to serve - and preserve.
His choice of "absorbed" >e.g. swallowed up> was...and
is on the money.

Comment is about WORDS FROM THE GREAT MAN (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Cheers Colin and Tony,
Yes, one of my more delicate numbers. Just a humorous meditation on how we often read poetry now, and how poems sit alongside each other in poetry forums such as this..

Comment is about The Scent Of Broken Glass (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

Funnily enough I wrote a poem on this subject, but you captured this better. The last lines: his rage and superiority/with frightened eyes..Just perfect..

Comment is about RECUMBENT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Yes, silence speaks volumes; the present absence..

Comment is about unreachable (blog)

Original item by nunya

Hi Harry. Yes, my heart is in my mouth today. The indications are that Hilary will win but I've been wrong about our referendum and the last General Election, so this time I'm bracing myself for the worst!

If I claim to have invented the rhyme scheme I've no doubt somebody will point to another poem that uses it, so I'll just say I didn't consciously copy it from anywhere else. I put the break between lines 6&7 to separate the two iambic lines from the rest of the lines which are predominantly amphibrachic. It makes a reader pause slightly whether they're reading out loud or silently, and I hope it will cause them to work out how line 7 scans, because if they continue with ti-tum-titty-tum-titty... they're going to trip up.

Comment is about President Trump has control of the nuclear trigger (blog)

Original item by Tim Ellis

really enjoyed this, its very atmospheric and the first verse especially is ethereal

Comment is about unreachable (blog)

Original item by nunya

Thank you so much for the comments!

I got to school today, and he had cut his hair. Ironic.

Comment is about Dreams (blog)

Original item by Claire

Tim,
Saw this last week but my brain was too far gone to try to figure out that rhyme scheme of:

ababcc - space - dbd.

Is it your own...or where is it from?

The body of your poem says it exactly...And tomorrow we`re going see it tested...I don`t know about you - but I`m prayin`.

Comment is about President Trump has control of the nuclear trigger (blog)

Original item by Tim Ellis

My brother worked on this, Mike, many years ago and reckoned that the walls were a thousand feet thick.

Comment is about Orphan Drive (blog)

Original item by Mike Bartram

I read this while having a violent flu-headache last week...there is something right about the way the words are strung together.

Comment is about Sawn (blog)

Original item by David Lindsay

Claire,if I had to pick a favourite line from this BEAUTIFUL poem,it would be every one! Thank you.Jemima.

Comment is about Dreams (blog)

Original item by Claire

Hey there, David and Ray,

I should tell you, Ray, that I'm profoundly uneducated when it comes to poetry. I used to read Poe as a teenager because I appreciated the macabre and because stories like "The Premature Burial" demanded little of a short attention span. Though, over the past several years, I've listened to some readings by Dylan Thomas and Pablo Neruda, and have to say that I find immense beauty in Neruda's work..sometimes, I wish I could think and express with such unfettered eloquence.

I can do incoherent, David..that's probably my gig according to most so I really appreciate comments. However, what you say does make sense. I was thinking last evening just along those lines--that some thoughts are better put to rest. I would say that you can't make anyone understand anything for which they aren't already prepared to perceive. And, besides, some can make fodder of the most profound experiences in such a way that you'd wish you'd never even tried.

Thanks to the both of you..I appreciate the opportunity for interchange immensely.

elP

ps
I thought of this song while reading your comments at work today. I could never appreciate this song when I was young the way I'm able to now..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9P202C3mm8g

Comment is about unreachable (blog)

Original item by nunya

Hi Colin: I worried that nobody would know what a recumbent was ; I do find them weird along with segways and mobile sofas and the like. Your account is quite amazing . Man's progress takes some working out.
Glad you like it ! I literally didn't see the guy 'til he was alongside.

David, it was more surprise than anger, that was all on his side. Great thing to do for anger management (to bring it on that is).

Comment is about RECUMBENT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

A variation of Gray's Elegy elP. Just joking. This is really effective and as always leaves us hunting for definitions which are there to be teased out. David makes an eloquent effort to do that. There should be a sign saying:" please do not disturb."

Ray

Comment is about unreachable (blog)

Original item by nunya

M.C.
My respect and gratitude to Churchill is as great as anyone`s But for any educated man to completely ignore history and say we are not of Europe is almost heroically
ignoring that history... He must have been absorbed in his war games...or maybe blinded by his great patriotic vision of riding on elephants in the great British Empire...(by the way, whatever became of that?) I know, Mrs May is over there with a begging bowl.

For Churchill - of all people - to ignore the history of his own country is unforgivable.

Comment is about WORDS FROM THE GREAT MAN (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Love the "not having to worry..." lines - I can identify with those thoughts to an extent. And the idea of getting your thoughts/personality across almost anonymously is quite attractive. And then in time this act of communication may bolster confidence to the extent that it leads to more assertive expression.

A very thoughtful and thought provoking poem - thanks.

Comment is about I Can't Stop (blog)

Original item by Claire

brr - time to get the holiday brochures out - nicely haikued Trevor

Comment is about Icy blast (blog)

Original item by Trevor Alexander

Mmm, me too - subtle with a nod to McGough and co maybe

Comment is about The Scent Of Broken Glass (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

I saw a few of these on my US travels Ray heading coast to coast - imagine that. I often wondered the motivation for people doing such long-distance trips (on bicycles too) - they invariably looked desperately miserable under a sweltering mid-day sun on a stretch of dead straight road that disappeared somewhere over the horizon or smack into a range of mountains. I guess when something is there to be done people will do it. Even riding a Harley along Route 66 looked a helluva chore - all sweatily clad in protective gear and splattered with myriad oncoming insect populations. Mind you, that's nothing compared to the pilgrims in India who stretch themselves out on the road before taking the next step. Anyways, great poem sir.

Comment is about RECUMBENT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

some lovely thought patterns here - I particularly like 'sweet, sugary quicksand' - I think all of this would sound good read aloud - thanks for posting Claire.

Comment is about Dreams (blog)

Original item by Claire