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seasons

When my evening turns to  cold
So deep , dark and bold 
When wind speaks to me
A sense of terror I feel

No more bright and blue sky
Covered in white, so high and dry 
All I could see a timorous night
Asking for a beam of light 

Here comes the summer of life
Light is glowing and ready to thrive 
All my agony and anguish no more
Warmth -of -heat seals my soul

What I had once now passed away
 The old terror and dreadful days 
Autumn is ready to lose its verdant arms 
Revealing existence with its falling  charm

 

 

◄ Soul

Comments

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Noetic-fret!

Wed 9th Nov 2016 06:23



Hi Tia,

I really like your wordage. However as a critique I would say that present tense and past seem to confuse.

It could be me, but for example I would write the 3rd stanza like this to keep the present tense going.

Here comes the summer of life
Light is glowing and ready to thrive
All my agony and anguish no more
Warmth -of -heat seals my soul

I changed the word 'sealed' for 'seals'

I feel that makes the poem flow better.

Thoughts?

Keep writing and stay well Tia.

Best wishes

Mike

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