Poetry Blog by branwell kent

My Family And Other Natural Disasters

My grandad was struck by a lightening bolt,
   My grandma consumed by a whale,
My Great Uncle Barney died in a tsunami,
   My Aunt Danielle in a gale.

My daddy was hit by a meteorite
   My mummy went missing at sea,
My brother and sister were killed by a twister,
   I wonder what's waiting for me.

An alien abducted my wife and her mother
   And three or four first cousins too,
My nep...

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Silly Sex Poem

My wife and I experiment

     To keep that loving feeling,

Last night we did it upside down

     While hanging from a ceiling.


My uncle came in halfway through

     And caught us in flagrante,

"That looks like fun," he commented,

     "I'll try it with your Auntie."

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Just My Luck

One evening in winter we walked in the snow,
It seemed so romantic, but wouldn't you know,
The next day I found her confined to her bed,
With rheumatic fever and cold in the head.

For six weeks she lay on the threshold of death
A pale sickly figure all gasping for breath,
And though she recovered for me it was worse
For when she was better she married her nurse.


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Please Please Please Please Please Please


Mummy, my leg hurts,
Can I have some sweets?

I don't want to go to grandma's house,
She smells of cupboards.

Why isn't Auntie May married,
Is it because of her nose?

Billy Jenkins has one,
And he's dyslexic.

I went in the bath yesterday
Go and look at the soap.

It was an accident,
I was trying to mend it.

He's not my real dad.




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Dawn Chorus

Last night the nightingale woke me,

Singing alone on a branch of a tree

   In the garden so dark and so dim;

His heavenly voice seemed to come from up high,

And his message of love permeated the sky,

And I have to admit I'd a tear in my eye

   When I shot him.

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A Little Boy Dreams Of Revenge

I'm tired of being friendly

I'm tired of being polite

I'm tired of people liking me

And thinking I'm all right...

    I wanna be a rottweiler.


I'm tired of being innocuous

I'm tired of being small

I'm tired of being frightening

To nobody at all...

    I wanna be a rottweiler.


I'm tired of being an idiot

I'm tired of being a wuss

I'm tired of being some...

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The Tender Trap

entry picture

Her eyes are scary monsters

Gorging on my helplessness,

No matter where I run to

They're always right behind.


Others never see these beasts,

She hides them within shadows,

Then brings them out to taunt me

Whenever we're alone.


I can feel them when we kiss,

Rejoicing in their power,

Controlling me completely

As I once hoped they might.


Eyes I first...

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Wam-bam, clatter-clatter, splish-splash, dong;

Ha-ha, oops-a-daisy, cling-clang-clong;

Wibble-wobble, wibble-wobble, more, more, more...

What in God's name are they doing next door?

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Will You Marry Me?









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Haiku Of My Favourite Words

      Hello, Wonderful,

Fascinating, Honey-pie,

      Bloody, Dreadful, Shite.

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An Obsession With Adverbs

Long for her aggressively

Think of her obsessively

Watch her possessively

Imagine her terrifically.


Search for her endlessly

Bump into her knowingly

Smile at her desperately

Leave her depressingly.


Gaze at her longingly

Stare at her fixatedly

Frown on her objectively

Dream of her disgustingly.


Know her only passingly

With her only fleetingly


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My father is the brother of my stepson,

My sister is my nephew's second wife,

My daughter is the auntie of my grandad,

I have a very complicated life.


My in-laws are the children of my cousin,

My grandson is the husband of my gran,

My uncle is the uncle of my uncle,

I think this means I'm married to my nan.

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Isn't It A Pity

We never walked this way together,

   We never sat down here to chat,

We never spoke of future plans,

   Of hopes and dreams and things like that.

We never caught the last bus home,

   We never shared a cigarette,

We never kissed at your front door...

   In fact we never even met.


But if we had, oh if we had,

   Who knows what things we could've done,

What lovely...

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There are currently twenty-three men hitchhiking across America

Seventeen climbing Mount Everest

Twelve trekking to the South Pole

Nine doing missionary work in Papua New Guinea

Six sailing down the Orinoco river

Four living with undiscovered African tribes

Two hacking through the Brazilian rain forests

And one playing the piano in a Peruvian brothel,

All trying desperately...

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