Poetry Blogs (2020, anxiety)
Seeing the shadow in vision
Getting feared of what the great poison
Hiding out back to the scratch
Tired of being what they're interpreted
To be looked up in the sun
To be puked in deep water run
To be lost in relief distance
I was fight,
But no lights were made
So where is is heading through wind?
Passing it off to be betrayed and seen
That soak tree's been relied on
As this volt i...
Monday 7th December 2020 5:02 pm
The first time
Is a pin prick
To feel yourself
You search your being
You are it:
Coursing through yourself
The second time
You search inside
Behind the corner shop
You find where he begins
But come back,
Stinking of rot
Void of thought
To feel what?
What are you searching for?
To begin ag...
Sunday 22nd November 2020 10:30 am
Some time ago
My skin turned wooden
My feet moulded into one
And smudged the painted grid
On the marble floor
Another time I fell
And did not stop
I rolled right off the board
It was not a conscious decision
To spectate rather than participate
But it happened
As it does to many
Who give up on giving
When you undertake solely seeing
You relinquish being
But not feeli...
Saturday 21st November 2020 7:27 pm
my mind is a maze
a dark labyrinth
a closed trap
my thoughts run around like scared mice
they’re squeaking and scampering
and running around in a craze
delusional, one might say
loud and quiet and fast
they’re mad and shy and cry
but only because they’re terrified
they just want to be saved, to be heard
but my mouth doesn’t open
doesn’t say a word
it’s weak a...
Thursday 12th November 2020 3:01 am
A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts
Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.
I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.
You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
Sunday 8th November 2020 5:53 am
Irony is a malicious art-form. It’s shocking and sneaky and dripping with deceit.
Is it a karmic curse? Do I deserve to be toyed with like a worn out voodoo doll?
Did I ask for this? All the years of not caring at all.
Putting myself in harms way begging to be struck.
Dancing around the fire drunk with a lust for self-sabotage.
And escaping fate every single time.
It seems like a bad-joke ...
Wednesday 7th October 2020 7:33 pm
The heart stops,
and fear attacks
tearing and scraping the insides.
Stepping back, it’s not the right time.
It’s too delicate; my hands are tied.
I stall. I ruminate. I do all the things not to destroy this.
I dread that I will, gravely… to the point of not moving.
This is what it’s like when people become a ghost.
It’s too much to go forward.
So, I turn
in the opposite d...
Saturday 26th September 2020 5:26 am
Seeing the beautiful sky,
From my dead eyes.
Wondering the beauty in the holy night,
Dark was the only colour which helps me to hide.
Hiding my sadness my sorrows my fear my cries,
Trying my best to keep the face with smile.
My hobbies,my joy, my emotions were becoming day by day a bit fewer,
Now I am just existing in the world, can't even face myself in the mirror.
Monday 7th September 2020 6:58 pm
It’s a nagging,
A light tug of the sleeve on a cold day,
It reminds you it’s there with
Every quiet evening and cancelled plan
If you close your eyes you can feel
It stronger, engulfing you with its words
And its touch, filling your soul with the
Dirty sludge it flourishes within.
It follows you while you walk from
Street to street, from room to room,
And taunts you ...
Thursday 16th July 2020 3:21 pm
To learn everyday was what taught to me,
Sinking in an ocean, moving steadily;
It was the ocean of knowledge and believes,
Suddenly the world changed, and power came to cease.
'Look at him, look at her', comparing to the whole world,
Trying my very best, to win in every word.
Becoming a good son, a dear brother and good friend,
But that 'I', was lost in the end.
I became what you want,...
Friday 10th July 2020 3:05 pm
I was fine in my bubble
just some Moses in my own parting
and yes, you ruined my thoughts
and spun me in antonyms
I always wondered
why I prayed for apocalypse before sleep
and waking up, still whatever,
whatever, was always
whispering planets secretly in my ear
you left me jungles and deserts,
you handed me worlds I never knew
what to do with...
Tuesday 30th June 2020 11:23 am
long have I stood
long stood have I gazed
long gazed have I thought
long thought have I suffered
long suffered have I
long have I stood
Saturday 13th June 2020 1:48 pm
She filled her boots when
Panic buying was the vogue her
Bulk brushing rivals aside
Toilet rolls were the
Least of it
Catering packs of SPAM enough
Condensed milk for an army platoon, boxes of candles and
Assorted biscuits filled the loft her
Bathroom plastered with paracetamol cough
Linctus and mouthwash but above all
Valium for honed to a
Tee by loneliness
Thursday 28th May 2020 11:39 am
Is there something wrong with you?
Here we are again, back at square fucking one.
All because poor little cameron can’t seem to control his feelings.
Do you have a few loose screws?
You literally choose to love people who just don’t care.
And when you cry at night, does it feel good?
Relapse, do you think you should?
Because as far as I can tell,
You’re going t...
Monday 30th March 2020 3:50 pm
in and out
up and down
pushing and pulling
A knock on the door
beating louder and louder
waking my fibers
restless and unrelenting
Louder it knocks
anxiety levels rising
these fears in me won't subside
Breathing in and out
imagining the waves
the calming waters
I am one with them
and how they rise aga...
Thursday 13th February 2020 8:55 pm
When people ask me how I'm doing I want to tell them the truth.
That my depression is the captor I can not escape from.
That my heart longs for the attention I don't sustain.
That my ears burn waiting for you to tell me you feel the same.
I want to tell you that depression has invited anxiety over.
Yes... that is the third time this week. Thanks for noticing.
Tuesday 11th February 2020 10:23 pm
in the anxious hours
when white noise
no longer lets you sleep
In the mattress springs
your percussive heartbeat
one thought then another
one worry trailed by the next
did what was said make sense?
was it understood
will this be good enough
suddenly so awake
in the anxious hours
Thursday 2nd January 2020 12:20 pm