Nicola Beckett on BANANAS
4 hours ago
Dark side Drug ride
Natural pain now overrides all illegal chems submitted. I’m now confident with this habit I’ve admitted.
If writing makes me feel good I should do it, if singing means so much why aim so hard to lose this touch
Lyrics in music become more relatable, you become what you hear. You surrender your soul and let go of established fear.
Where is the fi...
Friday 20th November 2020 8:45 pm
i invite you in my life to feel something again
to turn my numbness into happiness;
you are my happiness
you make me my happiest
no one loves me as much as you do.
day in and day out i consume your love and affection.
soaking up every last bit. the feeling of feeling something for someone again excites my soul.
feeling anything is so hard these days.
but then i a...
Wednesday 30th September 2020 7:29 am
A pale face, dark eyes, an uneasy smile,
Surrounded by a mass of tangly black curls,
She sat in that circle
Unengaged, aloof, disruptive,
There for everyone else’s sake
But her own.
Trapped in a world by demons who
Would let her see another way
But kept her from it because
It wouldn’t serve their obsessive needs.
Within screaming distance but held behind thick glass,...
Thursday 27th August 2020 5:06 pm
Leave the light on – lock the door
This ritual plays out each Friday
A barrier to the debauched reveller
Who slips behind the clock returning home
A curfew for the beer vampire
Who will only find a soothing bed
If father specifically invites him in
After knocking twice and shouting through the letterbox
This ancient tribal face off
Friday 31st July 2020 2:33 pm
Hurdling moral barriers,
past caution flags of life,
towards red lights,
to feel alive,
in your second brain,
through collapsed veins,
lost in the now,
while consequences growl,
like a tornado.
Tuesday 16th June 2020 10:51 pm
Broken in tiny pieces
Shattered metaphorical and literally shattered
My soul feels bruised and battered
Years of lost trust finally found over almost a year
Gained in time but lost again through fear
Warned stay clear
All things toxic drugs and beer
Disappointment unspoken but visual
Her eyes are sad she looks miserable
She blames her self they all do
The handful of people who got me thr...
Sunday 2nd February 2020 6:34 am
living it like its large but life its so small
sadly it catches up with you and when you dont expect it you fall
you keep up with the trapping, feds come to your door
but theyre done with the shit and youre thrown on the floor
handcuffs are on and youre sent back away
the doctors give you the medicine that keeps the insanity at bay
back and forth for years, everyone is tired
Wednesday 15th January 2020 12:10 pm
defeated as it seems
cant resist tempation; the devils wicked schemes
all the hard work straight down the dump
cant let anyone find out i crashed over a bump
a little nervous but i dont seem to care
ive lied to so many people, including myself, i know its not fair
not a single moral thought running through my head
this might be the time i overdose and remain dead
i cant dec...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 12:05 pm
agile mind dimmed by the drugs
they say shes a dopewhore; she fucks all the plugs
no one to care for her, shes losing her mind
but deep down inside theres a loving soul you'll find
scared of her shadow shes been badly abused
covered in makeup so you cant see that shes bruised
turned to the gang because it was the only thing left
but it wasnt what it seemed full of lies and ful...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:42 am
the pain gets too overwhelming
i find myself sitting alone dwelling
on the past life that led me to drugs
i sit wondering where i went wrong, lost all my friends; im an outcast, i dont belong
and i dont understand why god kept me living
what does all he suffering bring but an eternal hell thatg suffocates me
losing all efforts, it feels like i cant breathe
and the battle goes...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:33 am
cant forget all the things that happened, im constantly reminded
tramatizing pictures in my head
the doctors got worried so they put me on some meds
because i couldnt deal with my mental
derailing and my thoughts became detramental
i couldnt handle my life anymore
couldnt stop the impulses before...
it was too late, theres drugs involved, using them i thoug...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:26 am
shes desperate for a fix
anything for the drugs so that includes taking dangerous risks
calling up every drug dealer she knows, to see if theyd give her something in exchange for taking off her clothes
didnt matter what they gave her, so long as she was high and the night was a blur
every couple hours a new man was involved
when she was caught one night her family was appauled
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:21 am
followed the wrong path, struch down by society
tried to make music but couldnt get the propriety
had the struggles, went through it involuntary
to give my heart to anyone now i am very wary
if you see me smile - im not happy - its rarely
it was my choices that led me here if i put it fairly
no anyone to hold me as i push myself through
not even a father to see how ive grew...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:15 am
like a regenerating grande
blowing up when my wires are frayed
the time ticks down before my explosion
each timethe flames show my past of corrosion
everything around me is blown away
taking ahold of saint things as prey
"save yourself and leave"
they say ill never change so dont beleive my pleads
so i sit alone in the tragedy of war
my everything in pieces, my heart on ...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 11:03 am
i bet you didnt expect to be doing drugs
i bet you didnt expect to give your sister one last hug
it wasnt expected that youd die and come back
and it wasnt foretold that on your face youd fall flat
nothing was planned to downfall, nor did you think that people would break down your walls
but it happened, your innocence was taken
and your faith in god was shaken because your actio...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:45 am
what is it without actually being happy
i put together the most real pieces but it doesnt change my feelings even when theyre clapping
im really just sad but i hide it with anger
my life has never been safe, always putting myself in danger
trying to find salvation, maybe i can save myself
maybe help my momma, get my family in good health
im just tryna stay strong and change my ch...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:34 am
no place to run when i needed to go
no one to call when i didnt have a home
people didnt come near me; fear of the unknown
wondered why there was no love
why it was so hard, was i treated so rough
the serpent came to me, gave me the forbidden
with my pain i took it like eve, it changed how i was living
kept trying to make it though, grew up fast life as a kid i never knew
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:28 am
never had a dad had to grow up fast, couldnt get over it so i live in the past
lonely and troubled i felt all alone, with little happiness, depression was shown
i fell into violence, drugs were upcoming, nothing felt better than the way that they were numbing
into trouble is what i always got, in and out of facilities, the recovery i fought
four years and my memory is grey, im always j...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 10:19 am
the devil sat on my shoulder today and asked me why I changed, why I acted this way. Honestly, I replied, Im tired of the anger. Looking back at the withdrawn girl, shes a stranger. Im deserving of a willing personality, instead of wallowing in my own self-pity. She asked me dont you miss the lust, disagreeing id rather involve myself in a way of trust. Greedy the serpent showed disrespect. With m...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 9:59 am
I long to choose at my descretion
share my stories and teach lessons
to drive my car freely around
and to be scholarly, medical bound
loving myself and attending to my needs
servicing others and doing good deeds
how I dream of all the goals ill achieve
and all of the praise and good fortune ill recieve
from despair to hope I look for the future
taking back and repairing ...
Wednesday 15th January 2020 9:45 am
One life is swell,
the other is a living hell.
Trying to bridge the great divide,
but the chasm is too wide.
Chasing light where darkness resides.
A grey goose gouges my eyes,
pecks my mind.
Naked. Nowhere to hide.
Cowering to the joker inside.
Praying God sends his army
to help me make the climb,
out of the abyss to my sober life.
Saturday 11th January 2020 9:30 pm