Thanks for posting these poems Tomas. Its knowing the history that brings them to life.
ValC

Comment is about Some Seasonal Poems for Halloween (blog)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

nice one, thank you Jeff, its the usual pete rant though

Comment is about STOP. . . . . , a m e r i c a (blog)

Hi Steve,
i've read this several times. It's very deceiving in its simplicity.
Each time i read, my stomach does a somersault. Very powerful image.
Love Janet.xx

Comment is about incoming (blog)

Original item by garside

Hi Jeff, thanks for your comments about Re-awoken. You are dead right about using "for" instead of "to" and in fact it said that on the original handwritten version.

And yes it does suffer a little from cliches. Seems that "being in love", being something of a cliche itself, causes an overdose of cliches. I can see I may have a bit of a battle against them or I could just embrace them and do something fun with them.

Anyway Jeff, thanks

Seamus

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Louise thanks for your comments on my Re-awoken. I wrote the thing in 5 minutes and then added the extra "I'm awake" about 3 days later when I read it out loud and it lacked something.

I love you "Stuck Unsaid". Did you read it at the slam in Wigan? You have the happy knack of getting power and feeling into the right number of words and saying stuff others of us would be happy to have said.

Nice work

Comment is about Louise Fazackerley (poet profile)

Original item by Louise Fazackerley

Hi Seamus

I like it, sounds like you're in love lad!!

I can see what Val is saying about dropping the 'awake' on a few lines and of course Darren with his reference to cliches which need a couple of different words.

If I can add something else, I would have said Awake FOR today, tomorrow etc, up to you? cheers Jeff

Comment is about Re-awoken (blog)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

Hi Phil, thats better! - do like the lines -

Like a film editor having a field day
Where my life is surreal, devoid of rules

nice one see you soon, Jeff

Comment is about Dream revised (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Hi Pete, this is brilliant!!!

You've been writing a lot recently (in one guise or another) in a struggle to get something great and powerful out and I think this is it. I dare say your dabble with nuclear warnings has maybe helped and I'm sure OMD amongst too many too mention would really approve of this!!

Too many great lines to single out any, love it, as I said, quite brilliant, cheers Jeff

Comment is about STOP. . . . . , a m e r i c a (blog)

Hiya Belinda, hope you're well

This is nice and simply put with a strong message of how ungrateful we are as a race, sad but true!

Hope the Zombies didnt eat all your marshmallows! Jeff X

Comment is about Lunch Box (blog)

Original item by Belinda

Hi Lauretta

There can be problems conceiving but know what you mean, is it all some plan to get us on a commercial bandwagon? Like the way you turned this on its head, if i've read it right!

see ya soon, Jeffarama! X

ps like the origin of violence, short but not so sweet!

Comment is about a new generation (blog)

Hi Lauretta

Of course this can happen in same sex marriages too!! Like it -

the cold place where she slept
laced with radioactivity
my leaden bed
weighs more than saturn

great stuff see ya soon babe!! X

Comment is about she is strontium 90 (blog)

Hey Shirley

I've only just noticed you're gone, sorry. Hope you're okay? If you want to email me to let me know what you're up to I would really appreciate it - jeffinbolton@yahoo.com - take care, I really enjoyed your work as you know and thanks for your support, Jeff X

Comment is about (blog)

Yes, the imagery of the innocence of the children trying out makeup (in the cemetry???) is vivid...

Comment is about Delauney's Dye (article)

Yes, a poem of cliches, carried off well...

Comment is about THE ALL-PURPOSE STARS (article)

I wake with perfect hair too... when its cropped close. I loved the Beatles poem, how motherhood had made her grow too old too soon, and yet maybe not a bit of it...

Comment is about Clare Kirwan (poet profile)

Original item by Clare Kirwan

We indeed are a lost generation...

Comment is about Anna Percy (poet profile)

Original item by Anna Percy

"it was only when the bullet exploded in my heart
that I realised why you had knitted me that bulls eye sweater"

Always was wary of them jumpers...

Seriosly, a great range in these poems, a very good read...

Comment is about John G.Hall (poet profile)

Original item by John G.Hall

Like certainly U and Pore into me.. you have a good way with words certainly! I really enjoy reading your stuff!

Comment is about Moira Eribenne (poet profile)

Original item by Moira Eribenne

Hi John and Sandre,
really sorry to hear of Johns fall and his injury.
I know Sandre will take good care of you John but i will pray for extra healing energy for you and strength for her.
Get well soon and hope to see you both very soon on the poetry scene again.
You have been and will continue to be missed for your contribution to WOL and its members.

Love, light and peace,
Janet.xx

Comment is about Update On Write Out Loud Poet John Clays (article)

Hi John
sorry to hear of the accident. Your in good hands with Sandy, get better soon.

fallin down stairs! Oy John you been boozin again

Comment is about Update On Write Out Loud Poet John Clays (article)

I was sitting quietly at the bar with a pint of bitter

in my right hand and I was about to bring it to my lips

I like the way these lines lead the reader through, but I found I needed to read it a number of times to understand it.

Thank you for your comment re Eliot's 'Objective Correlative


One possible criticism of the objective correlative is expressed by Michael Witkoski in his article “The bottle that isn’t there and the duck that can’t be heard: The ‘subjective correlative’ in commercial messages” [2] when he says: “The objective correlative also allows for more abstract, less immediate connections…”. Yet another possible flaw of Eliot’s theory includes his assumption that an author’s intentions concerning expression will be understood. This point is stated by Balachandra Rajan as quoted in David A. Goldfarb’s “New Reference Works in Literary Theory” [3] with these words: “Eliot argues that there is a verbal formula for any given state of emotion which, when found and used, will evoke that state and no other.”

Comment is about MOORE, EMIN AND KOONS (blog)

Original item by Rodney Wood

Comment is about MOORE, EMIN AND KOONS (blog)

Original item by Rodney Wood

Hiya, thanks for your comment on 'the frog and the prince.'
Me thinks you saw deep into the meaning of it.

It was nice to meet you in Wigan at the Tudor.
Hope you enjoyed it and we'll see you again soon.
Love Janet.xx

Comment is about Horace Thespider (poet profile)

Original item by Horace Thespider

Hello, Phil

I like your poem. It shows some of your thoughts in a form of a dream...Great write!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Dream revised (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

sorry to chip in but i think it's only the first four lines that need a bit of wordplay- the rest of the awake repetition works me.
it lends rhythm and reminds me of prayers or hymns. and then when you say 'i'm awake' at the end i think it adds some humour and warmth- yes you definately are awake :-)

Comment is about Re-awoken (blog)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

Val and Darren,

I really appreciate the time and thought you have both put into your comments and such comments were exactly what I was asking for. I think I'll try a version without the repetition that you both mention and I will probably also have a go at getting rid of some of the clichés.

So thanks very much, both of you, for your advice. Maybe I'll be back here with a revised version before too long.

Seamus

Comment is about Re-awoken (blog)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

Hi Seamus

For me, there is far too much repetition of the word 'awake'. Although it's being used both as a verb and an adjective in this piece. Maybe, the title of the poem could be 'awake'. That way you may not have to reinforce the underlining theme and let the reader pick between the pieces that you write.
Val suggests using 'your', but I feel that this also is far too much repetition. And I've mentioned this before to somebody else, how about using other pronouns instead of first person accusatives, such as 'he, she, they, her' etc. While this makes it less personal, it shows the you're writing (and thinking) from more than a personal perspective. I would try to avoid that dreaded cliché too. I've lost count of how many 'voices in ears' and 'fingers through hair' I've read.
But yeah, it is different from your usual stuff. That's the whole idea of this forum - to keep trying different styles and imaginative levels of poetry.

Comment is about Re-awoken (blog)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

Brilliant as ever Steve, brilliant!

Comment is about THE ALL-PURPOSE STARS (article)

I like it Seamus.The beat builds and then slows down.
Just a thought maybe try taking out "Awake with" try -
Awake with your voice in my ears.
your smile on my face
your hair in my fingers
your frangrance on my mind
your taste on my lips
your wonder in my heart.
1`m awake
Don`t ever let me sleep.
Which ever way you chose to write it Seamus its good,
a very evocative poem.

Comment is about Re-awoken (blog)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

I enjoyed this Peter!
We are big bullys, wonder where we learned it from? The pilot from the Enola killed himself, he was a family friend, he did not know what he was doing, it was a mission and he did it, he was knew however after he dropped it, and what it had caused. As for that tech stuff/bombs I belive we had taken captive german scientists, so you should thank most of them for working for america. But then it did stop the japs as my grandfather called them.Agent orange, I belive we can thank Monsanto, but id have to look it up.
Im not sure if we are the "king".By God we did invent the drive through, and at times Im glad we did, but the poor fat people.The bear never fell, and china has become more wealthy. Third worlds, well its our fault they now need cars. Poor Baghdad, not sure what to say about them, except that it may be possible that they would have imploded. There was no weapons of mass destruction, but then just how many country were fighting that war? Just how many coverd that up? Ther are now other countrys that polute more then america, so they need to join in any clean accord. Im trying to keep this short. your Mom is 100% right. Navigation of the bible can be complex. however worth the read. America is not really in the book of revalation, I belive that may be due to the fact that we are to become a different country in the next 5 years. There are powers at hand that cant be explained any other way. As you know from our talks I was a bible thumper for years, I have read about all kinds of faiths. There is a strand of truth that runs through most, and it almost the same story over and over. We have a grand creator. I enjoyed your poem very much, I agree with it and understand it. Its hard to understand why things cant be fixed. It is sad, but its also a promise, and it is good news, its just hard to accept. xx

Comment is about STOP. . . . . , a m e r i c a (blog)

Hi Steve

Thanks for the thought prevoking comments

Cheers
Gus

Comment is about garside (poet profile)

Original item by garside

ps. I love your "Hunters" poem.
Very strong words and heartfelt piece i feel.
Very descriptive too. Super stuff.
Janet.x

Comment is about Seamus Kelly (poet profile)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

Hi Seamus,
Thankyou for your very encouraging comment on my fairy story.
Do you know, just lately, i've kept typing "ae" regularly in error?
After i'd finished this piece, i had a strong urge to tack a moral onto the end of it, but resisted.

I guess i'll have to try expanding it. Watch this space.
love Janet.xx

Comment is about Seamus Kelly (poet profile)

Original item by Seamus Kelly

I like that :)) cheers mate :)).

Comment is about Lunch Box (blog)

Original item by Belinda

There is nothing you can do or say for it is all written and gone before come what may.
For man is his own enemy on our beautiful Earth and its been this way right from it's birth.
The passion and the heart felt hurt and anger that you feel and write is a release I know and felt by many I expect, feeling helpless, a speck in the human race, but have faith for when the time is come there will be a better place for the good and there will be no more wars, or starving, or injustice, when here on Earth its a test, the best is yet to come, have faith, read the book, you know the one I mean, it is not a dream. Mum xx

Comment is about STOP. . . . . , a m e r i c a (blog)

i NEARLY FELL OVER! iM ALLERGIC TO MONOSODIOUM GLUTAMATE!!

Comment is about Monosodium Glutamate (blog)

Original item by Horace Thespider

Hi Rodney, sometimes you just cant say know! Different I'll say that but I like it in a strange way, cheers Jeff

ps thanx for comment on "Gamblers of Today"

Comment is about MOORE, EMIN AND KOONS (blog)

Original item by Rodney Wood

Hi Phil, some nice lines here but might need more of a message if you see what I mean, very relaxing though having said that.

Hope to see you weds, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Dream revised (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Hi Melissa

Yet again, I identified with your work, the sadness, the analogy with the rain, and the ups and downs, can you read my mind?

Nice to read a poem from you as always, Jeffx

Comment is about Stains of Rain (blog)

Hi Tony, yes we moan but it helps to think how our parents or ancestors went on, dont know we're born but we still abuse it, oh well, chance to out something back with stuff like this, enjoyed it see ya soon, Jeff

Comment is about Up with the lark (blog)

Hi Belinda, hope you're well.

This says a lot in 4 lines, lovely write, Jeff X

Comment is about Sister (blog)

Original item by Belinda

Glad I've never smoked! Like this its very direct and enough to make anyone think twice. some great lines!

Comment is about Nasty Nail (blog)

Hi Pete, long live the M-wave and 5 meals for 4 quid - keeps me alive! Jeff

Comment is about Half tin Loneliness (blog)

Photographs by Seamus Kelly www.shaysart.co.uk
If anyone wants a full size copy of their image Seamus will be happy to email it to them if they contact him on mail@shaysart.co.uk

Comment is about Tony Brook at Oldham Library, 9th October 2008 (photo)

Photographs by Seamus Kelly www.shaysart.co.uk
If anyone wants a full size copy of their image Seamus will be happy to email it to them if they contact him on mail@shaysart.co.uk

Comment is about Val Cook at the Old Boar's Head, Middleton September 2008 (photo)

Gus Jonsson


Sun 12th Oct 2008 16:47

Remove Comment
Good Afternoon Moira

Thank you for your kind remarks,

Do you perform...? Might I see you soon ...Ido hope so

Once again many thanks

Gus

Comment is about Moira Eribenne (poet profile)

Original item by Moira Eribenne

I enjoy refrains in poetry - in a suitable poem.
I think that this is a suitable style and theme for the subject matter.
Given the context that the line 'cabbages, potatoes and peas', appears, it reads Ok to me. It's not as if you're trying to create subtle nuances with your words and their meaning. This appears to be a more direct style from you Rodney. Not hiding inside semantics, I mean, 'I'll tell him to piss off' has very little scope for interpretation or ambiguity. This is more to do with the overall theme and its surreptitious meaning.
I would however, be tempted to add the word 'once' before the word 'grew'. This adds a syllable and rounds off the metre.
(As I read it anyway!).
Cheers

Comment is about MOORE, EMIN AND KOONS (blog)

Original item by Rodney Wood

The United States of America?
Mmmh - we'll see.

Good 'un Pete.

Comment is about STOP. . . . . , a m e r i c a (blog)

dirt on the finger
the bastard bellringer
the nail that trails the swamp

the overbearing tail
of the thing that prevails
and everyone as always
carrys on...

Comment is about the origin of violence (blog)

tarot cards should be updated...

Comment is about a new generation (blog)