Definately warm farts Graham! Warm coffee too! I don't think I'm eager to please so much as hoping to get feedback - maybe that's the same thing! I think with this one I wanted to share the very emotional couple of days I'd had. Thanks so much for your kind comments. And this is another one that I will go back to.

Comment is about london journey (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Several lovely atmospheres throughout this piece Ann. I still think you publish too early, as if you're eager to please. This piece offers several opportunities to craft it into an even more profound work (fresh coffee, stale farts etc.
I do however agree that this is perhaps your best stuff, but I seem to be saying that every week just lately.

Comment is about london journey (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Technically the only things that I do not like are the "some" woman and perhaps the omission of an "an" before agile. However for curiosity, tension, irony and observation I think it hits the spot. The writer sounds confused, exactly how one would be. Well done Sian.

Comment is about Shadow on the Sun (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Wow, welcome back Sian. I'm going to have to have a closer look at this.

Comment is about Shadow on the Sun (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Well, I feel London Journey really works as a poem in many ways: one is because there is, literally, movement in it. You go somewhere and come back again but in between a lot happens and is observed and remembered. The tone is conversational but that doesn't make it prose; for me, it just makes it more powerful. There is a strong rhythm in it which you may decide to or others may suggest you tweak in places. It's good that you're willing now to return to a poem and have another look at it once you've written it. If you love it enough I think a poem still needs nurturing, even after it's been cast out into the big world! PS No, I don't have problem with farts on trains, being an old fart who loves trains!

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hello Sian.I think at the moment the poem is too much contained in the opening line and the final two lines, which are powerful. The sprinting out into traffic is also a good idea but I think the rest isn't striking enough. Maybe if you focused more on what dangers lurk within the ordinary, summat like that.

Comment is about Shadow on the Sun (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Sian. Thanks very much for your kind words. It was a long time back to that Park poem! But I remembered all the sibilance and what I called the "all-at-once ness". It's a lovely poem. If you enjoy writing you should carry on, you do it well.

Comment is about sian howell (poet profile)

Original item by sian howell

Hello, apologies for 'disappearing' -- must be my Argentinean blood (oh what an awful joke but I do have Argentinean blood, so hey). I've been working on a very tough piece about the civil war in Bosnia and was somewhat affected by the material (to be honest, I don't think anyone wouldn't be shocked/distressed by reportage/eye witness accounts). I cleared my desk out on WOL whilst working through it: hard to balance anything about bullets (and bombs and shells) when you're reading what they've done to human flesh and communities. Anyway, you can hear the 5 x 15 minute episodes as part of Writing the Century on BBC Radio 4 Woman's Hour from 20th November for 5 days (repeated 7:45pm). A couple of the episodes will carry a content warning.

However, I must say like every one of the Bullet poems: they all have integrity, originality and vim.

Comment is about Biting the Bullet - time to vote (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Oh thank you Greg (London Journey) - this poem means a lot to me, but sometimes when that happens it doesn't work as a poem, and I did feel that this one had no structure to it. When I first typed it up from my notebook, it was looking more like prose. And it's a long one by may standards! Glad you liked the train - even though it smelt of farts! ;-)

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Oh thank you Greg - this poem means a lot to me, but sometimes when that happens it doesn't work as a poem, and I did feel that this one had no structure to it. When I first typed it up from my notebook, it was looking more like prose. And it's a long one by may standards! Glad you liked the train - even though it smelt of farts! ;-)

Comment is about london journey (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I can't think of any other poems of yours that are better than this, Ann. The opening two verses are really strong, the tone is beautiful, and the observation of key details is so sharp. There's even a train in it as well!

Comment is about london journey (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Having been 'off grid' for quite a while I returned tonight and read your kind comments on my last offering which was posted quite a while ago. I thought I would check on your work and have been bowled over by the cleverness and thought provoking nature within each piece. Wonderful crafting....very witty, great turn of phrase too. So having you comment on my work made me feel less like giving up which I had pretty much done....thanks for that. Sian

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Good message, Larisa, and I like your picture, do you perform live often?

Comment is about If you are a poet (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

I like this, Laura, short and sweet, and really good advice. xx

Comment is about Don't regret about the past! (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Thanks Ray, you're right with strange, I've spent all my life visiting the cemetery in Cheltenham where Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones is buried round the corner from my Grandparents memorial tree. It's always windy there hence the cellophane flying about. I went there this spring and found that the tree had been chopped down and wondered whose ashes had been scattered each year and blown into the life of the bark. Strange poem for a strange thought!
PS
Thanks for your comment about 'Birth of My Boy' which actually happened 6 years ago tomorrow.

Comment is about My Nan sleeps with Brian Jones (blog)

Original item by Michael Scott

No worries, Antonio, just glad you liked my poem, thanks again xx

Comment is about Us and Them (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

What a strange poem! First 6 or 7 lines pull you in, but then "cart-wheeling cellophane" pulled from a shin. Then I struggle to connect the two verses. The 2nd is much more personal. The 45 rings represent years? trapped in a bark orbit is a nice touch.Very intriguing but maybe a little obscure for me.

Comment is about My Nan sleeps with Brian Jones (blog)

Original item by Michael Scott

Isobel, you're very kind. It wasn't really a case of craving a male child, though, just that this baby was a boy for all of twenty minutes - a queer experience. Anyway, we were undaunted, we now have 5 girls and one boy.

Michael. Thanks, very nice of you to say that.I've just read your Birth of a Boy poem. Very, very good.

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Hi Ray,
I'm new to the site and this poem is the best I have come across so far, I love the way that you get your emotional depth across in a funny and careful way. Thanks for sharing it.

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Hi again Cynthia-Elaines transport sounds good-probably better a Lady companion,rather than a half blind pensioner weaving through the traffic at the usual ninety miles an hour(lol!)looks like I will have to take the'Cynth and Stef' windscreen stickers back to the car shop! as long as you are not struggling,thats all that matters.I shall remain the chivalrous plan 'B' standby-I know you will have a great time at Hebden-good luck! Stefan.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Given your handling of this, I can't imagine you are at all superficial and insensitive Ray. I bet your daughter adores your wry sense of humour and you have come to appreciate the special gifts a daughter has.
I think it is human nature to crave a child of the same sex - most women love the thought of having a daughter - they tend to be closer as adults.
My brother wanted a son badly. He felt so guilty about his feelings of disappointment after the second that they got the gender confirmed in advance for baby no 3. They are all a gift and we are all so lucky to have any at all but human nature is just human nature. x

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Not at all finished - just had to get it out!

Comment is about london journey (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks, Cynthia. The poem is addressed to the male child who never was, that's whom I don't think of all that often.I suppose the last line is meant to be a wry look at Freudian developmental theories!

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

I have enjoyed it, too. Can't quite figure the self-negation at the end; puts a whole new twist on the story, an implied darkness of the ensuing relationship, especially after 'I don't think of you very often', a strange statement about a daughter when the birth was 'an ecstasy of expectation'.

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

HI, Elaine. If driving into the Manchester area was not a problem I'd be delighted to make your personal acquaintance and drive to Hebden Bridge with you. You'll need to be reasonably certain of directions as I quite suck at navigation. I can read a map if clear instructions are given as to what to watch for; British signs still bonker me a bit, but I concentrate like mad, if I'm not talking! Can't do both at once. Be warned. If this idea sounds good, contact Sean at once. I am lower floor, early kippers (just sharing a fact, if it interests you.) Cheers. I wait to hear.

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

Thank you so much, Isobel.Funny, tender and sad is exactly what I'm looking for.It is about the birth of our first child, 25 years ago, actually and it's all true. I've not heard of it happening to anyone else before or since so I guess the midwife just had an off -day.Supposed to be doing this at a slam next week - said daughter doesn't know yet.

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Tee hee - I like it even more now I understand it. You are so naughty Laura - and we are all so dim. I'm sure no-one who went before had a clue what they were loving! LOL I just love the mischief in it. xx

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I'd never describe you as 'nice' Cynthia.

Am gutted I can't make it - or I'd drive to your house and pick you up. Have a lovely time. xx

Comment is about Hebden Bridge (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Its a bugger when that happens!! Love it Laura, great little read, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Hi Laura, thanx so much for your comment on 'Night Drive', v much appreciated. Glad you like the second bit, but yes the first bit was to set the scene and give that chilled solitary feeling that was the moment of inspiration for the poem really.

I do like to ask questions in my poetry and a lot have (prob still a few on here), like 'Don't tell me the answers I did a couple of months ago - http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=15953

Anyway, hope you like that if you havent read already and hope to see you soon, will be at the tudor on sat 9th october and thurs 14 october, so might see you then, if not 4 November with Mr Kettle! cheers Jeff x

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

I love, love, love this Ray - unless you are going to tell me it isn't about the birth of your daughter and about the delivery of an MFI flatpack instead...

It's funny but it's tender and sad in a strange way. The idea of a dream dying in such incongruous circumstances...
I can see what you mean about verse 6 - it stands out as being weaker than the rest and I guess it is a pivotal one. Don't have the energy to think of any alternatives - it would have to be in your particular style for it to fit in also.
I love the humour in it. 'She didn't swear quite so much back then' made me chuckle. Also the something for the week-end line is an absolute hoot - bloody men - what are you like?
I really thoroughly enjoyed it. x

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Hi Cynthia-be glad to help-am free that weekend.I live near Hebden Bridge.RSVP! Stefan.

Comment is about Hebden Bridge (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thank you, Greg, Dave and Elaine.I don't like the 6th verse much, if anyone has suggestions!Oh, Greg, thanks for the nomination.

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Hi Lynn - sorry if I was a bit obvious in my comments, but it's something I feel strongly about - which your poem laid out nicely x

Comment is about Us and Them (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Sorry Dave. I thought I'd tagged it bite the bullet.

Comment is about Biting the Bullet - time to vote (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing this.

Comment is about Cameo (blog)

Well, I am keen to go but I don't as yet know anyone so would love the opportuity of going with someone. I have transport & live in Wigan. What do you think?

Comment is about Hebden Bridge (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Certainly not rubbish Crackling, a rare gift of being able to take the reader along with you to share a moment in time.

Comment is about Gwithian (blog)

Original item by Crackling

Winston, Many thanks for your kind comments. I have been playing around with formal structures lately, although not always successfully!! "Necklace" is an attempt at tanka. I have just taken some time to read through your samples. I really like your work very much indeed. "On Mondays I fall in love" - very much appreciated the haiku structure which worked perfectly! I like the range of your work. I found "ON SEEING A BOY'S FACE" very strong. The site is a pleasure: people are really supportive and I have found real benefit from the constructive criticism that has been offered.

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Hi Cate, thank you so much for your comments on "Read My Lips". Glad it amused you. Best Wishes, Lynn xx

Comment is about Cate (poet profile)

Original item by Cate

Like your pheasant poem Dave - did you enjoy plucking it at least?

I think Graham's was tagged with bullet if I'm not mistaken. The irritating thing about the tagging system is that if you edit a poem afterwards you have to remember to re-input it or it disappears. Perhaps that is why some are missing - if like me they change their minds and half write things while they are posting.I think you've made a great job of it. It's hard work isn't it? xx

ps Yes - I'm very sorry Moxy's disappeared. I've never known anyone able to write in middle english before - it was beautiful - to my eyes.

Comment is about Biting the Bullet - time to vote (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

now voted - wasn't easy however

Comment is about Biting the Bullet - time to vote (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hi Larisa, thank you for all your lovely comments on my blogs. Your poems are beautiful too, keep posting! Love, Lynn xxx

Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (poet profile)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Thanks to All for comments. Antonioioni, you are right, of course. I was trying to simplify a complex situation here.

Comment is about Us and Them (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Hope you get a lift, Cynthia! Wish I was going too but have to work that Sunday. Bah!

Comment is about Hebden Bridge (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thanks for your comment Winston - I look forward to hearing it!
Yes - I find reading other people's poetry on here a great inspiration - Cynthia's often gets me thinking. Normally I don't finish them - it works well if a chain of thought just happens to co-incide with your every day life. x

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Love this one Rachel, great work. Know that dreaded combination all too well. Many bullets I wish I'd never biten.

Comment is about Biting The Bullet (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Hi Isobel, thanks a lot for the comment and also for taking the time to write it twice! Missed opportunities are truly a great source of poetry I find... Regards, Thom

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

I'm sitting at the back of the North Stand, watching from the heavens at what gets played out on this muddy, failing pitch - but yet once again Togher you collect the ball in your own half, shimmy past two midfielders, nutmeg an ailing defender and curl the ball into the top corner of a net from thirty yards out. The crowd go bongo...and while the linesman may be flagging for improper use of a 'semicolon' the referee overrules him and gives the goal. 1-0

Comment is about The Psychology of Doodles (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Hi Cynthia

I think it would be great if you suggested 5 - 10 good ones - I could include your comments (non-attributed) in the announcement blog. Some really good poems are not going to get in the top 3 so it would be nice to have something to pass on about them.

As for picking 'the one' you don't have to - just send comments if you like. But if you want to vote, the criteria are your own - most fun, most crafted, most human, most surprising, most whatever - it's up to you.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas