Thanks M.C., I had never thought of this as domestic violence, just "chronic ear-bashing", nevertheless it badly affected the poor man's well-being so it was domestic violence of sorts.

On a lighter note, I wanted to avoid making this overly serious, hence the almost Chas and Dave and Benny Hill type language! Thanks again, Paul

Comment is about JustGoJustGoJustGo (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Evocative lines remembering a tragic disaster at sea -
the scenario emphasised by the proximity of other ships
that could have helped lessen the huge loss of life had
there been different circumstances surrounding the
fame of the voyage and its unsinkable reputation that
contributed to their misinterpretation of events: salvation
so near, yet so far.

Comment is about APRIL 14 1912 (blog)

Original item by ray pool

A useful reminder of the other side of the debased coinage of "domestic violence".

Comment is about JustGoJustGoJustGo (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Thanks Ray, interesting you mentioned about suffering - I got out double quick for my sanity's sake! Thanks too for the funny sketch by the hilarious Dud and Pete. Paul

Comment is about JustGoJustGoJustGo (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

I like the way you don't actually judge the participants but stand back and observe accurately their state of mind and of course the pack nature of their activities Martin. Individually we usually find great loss of purpose and focus in the young minds. Inevitable really and in a sense fodder for the ad men and predators.

Ray

Comment is about Not yet sixteen (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

Excuse my picking up on this Pablo and no disrespect but it had me thinking of a shoot out in a Clint Eastwood film - few options left and a bit of dangerous introspection.

Enjoyed reading it!

Ray

Comment is about The Proud man (blog)

Original item by Juan Pablo Lynch

Interesting how jobs in coal were passed down through families Ian. It shows how communities were maintained until more option crept in. Although as you rightly imply Margaret didn't seem to consider any alternatives, thus excoriating whole ways of life. Another nail in the coffin for public relations from no.10.

Thanks for posting. Ray

Comment is about Down In The Hole (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

thanks suki, glad you liked it. happy new year to you as well!

Comment is about i will ruin everything eventually (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

quite right too. this is an absolute belter! contains everything i love in poetry, mystery, brevity and loads of re-read-ability (im making that word up just for this). superb stuff!

Comment is about 'The carbon cycle' by Alex Smith is Write Out Loud Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Sounds like a recipe for disaster Paul. I hope you didn't suffer too much - I'm reminded as an aside of a Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketch where Pete is a boutique owner and Dud a sewer man. Dud says at the end "get out of my house!"
Pete: "It's not your house father it's mine." Dud: "alright then, get out of your house!!"

Ray

Comment is about JustGoJustGoJustGo (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Paul, thanks for reading this.
The detachment comes more from the clinical almost pasteurised way in which cremations are conducted and the inevitable way that public grieving is seen as a consequence of the scene.

Comment is about Paul Waring (poet profile)

Original item by Paul Waring

Thanks Martin. I imagined what it might be like to give up your life in this way so kept it brief and basic , glad you liked it!

Nice to have your comment Pablo, and a good observation as open ended is perhaps like eternity itself could we but conceive it. The comfort and splendour of the Titanic is a poor substitute for this.

Hi David! Nice to get your thoughts - I saw the doc. about the fire on board - puts a different slant on the whole debacle. A manger utilized for religious purposes I figured could be a place of death too.

Thanks as ever Paul for your interest - I tried to keep it simple for effect.

Cheers Colin. You smooth talker you. That story makes the hairs stand up a bit. Apparently a lot of the crew stood down before the final Atlantic crossing knowing about the fire in the bunkers. (recent doc.)

Thanks everyone for your support as always.

Ray

Comment is about APRIL 14 1912 (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Suki - thanks for the suggestion , that for me would be tricky but its a lovely idea !!

Ray

Comment is about JOURNEY THROUGH THE STARS (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Welcome to WOL. You have made a good decision not to post too many poems all at once. We are a diverse 'bunch' but generally open-minded and supportive.

Cynthia

Comment is about Pheonix None (poet profile)

Original item by Pheonix None

Really good, Phoenix. It resonates with strong truths, one being acceptance which is not blind. I'm glad I've gone back a bit.

Comment is about Just another night (blog)

Original item by Pheonix None

Damn, David, you're good. GOOD!!!

Consider 'the warm unwieldy baguette' without 'still' which is a bit like stubbing one's toe on a pavement crack, breaking the 'run'.

Just a thought.

Comment is about Le Petit Parisien, 1952 (blog)

Original item by David Cooke

There are different kinds of structure and numbering. Make a new pattern. Your acute rhyme and rhythm skills are highly admirable.

Comment is about Louis Audet (poet profile)

Original item by Louis Audet

They are still here - just jostled aside by self-love.

Comment is about Where are the wise ones? (blog)

Original item by Wonderer

A Christmas poem that warms the heart any time of year. Made me thin : we often relate our unpleasant public transport experiences, but not the wonderful, magical ones. Lovely. Happy New Year to you Cynthia.

Suki

Comment is about Lady on a Tram (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Really good, Martin. I agree with all these comments. You have 'power' and the skill to channel it to your intent. I would never 'pass over' one of your poems, no matter how tight my time is.

Comment is about Not yet sixteen (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

Rick, this will be a brilliant closer to your book. Please put it in! Suki

Comment is about "Dingle Bound Epiphany June 1990" (blog)

Original item by Rick Gammon

Splendid - a shot to the head!

Comment is about A word of wisdom (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Sing this with some wah-wah guitar and bleepy electronic sounds and release it as a single!

Comment is about JOURNEY THROUGH THE STARS (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Hi there Hazel, Welcome on board!

The comments left here already say it all. I have read this a few times; gets better with each reading. POTW for me.

Cheers, Suki

Comment is about Difficult work colleague (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

essence -- like heat bending -- escaping. This is what your poem conveys to me p- the ephemeral; dare I say the spiritual..

Wishing you a Happy New Year elP.

Comment is about cataclysm and containment--Stage 1 (blog)

Original item by nunya

Top form, as usual, making major points with fine language and great skills.

Is this a real experience, or an assumed persona?

Comment is about Down In The Hole (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

The last line - genius.

Wishing you a Happy New Year Stu!

Comment is about i will ruin everything eventually (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

excellent writing Ray - you keep up such a good standard that never fails to please us.

a distant relative of mine was booked on the Titanic with her newly wed husband - tickets bought by his father as a gift to enable them to migrate to Canada. However they decided to cash them in and buy tickets on a cheaper crossing! I've often wondered if the father was annoyed by their initial decision but then relieved when he heard the news of the sinking. They ended up in British Columbia where he worked on a government research farm.

keep 'em coming.

Comment is about APRIL 14 1912 (blog)

Original item by ray pool

yes - as Hazel says - you don't preach, which is refreshing - for these 13 to 15 somethings are not always out looking for trouble despite their swaggers and hoodies, loud and foul language.

and as Paul pointed out - there is great rhythm here - the rhythm of their street walk accompanied by the sing-song rhyme of their banter - molly / lollies - giggling / jiggling - rapped / tapped to name just a few.

rhyme doesn't have to be sentenced to the end of lines - much to be learnt from reading this excellent poem.

Comment is about Not yet sixteen (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

Hi Cynthia - well good for you! Thanks for remembering our chat on this and for updating me which was very thoughtful and appreciated. I've always held that poetry should be adaptable and this has proved that point. To flip the coin, I have sometimes read lines and immediately thought Noooooo that sounds terrible! Or a piece has fallen flat on its poetic arse with the wrong crowd. Or I have changed my choice of poem to read at the very last minute. Have to admit I have dropped performing these last few months. Maybe I will feel the need sometime again in the future. All the best, Colin

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Martin, thank you, another great compliment, I really appreciate what you and others have said about this piece which has been interpreted in different ways, ways that didn't occur to me as I wrote it. What I tried to describe is the rhythm of a morning routine, then a ring of the door bell and the delivery of devastating news. Thanks again, Paul

Comment is about The News (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Ray, another crafted piece of writing, about the tragic sinking of the Titanic, skilfully expressed and, as others have picked up on, some great, stirring lines. Thanks, Paul

Comment is about APRIL 14 1912 (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Martin, I enjoyed reading this very much, it tells the story so well. The rhythm of the piece really stands out for me, for, together with the language, it captures so well the movement and attitude of the group.

I've literally just read your profile, so I'll definately go back to read some of your earlier poems. Many thanks, Paul

Comment is about Not yet sixteen (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

I love that this poem is so spare. Captures a whole lot - how it is for the boys, the excitement, the mystery and potential of their evening, challenging the opinion of the onlooker (or not - you don't preach). Lovely.

Comment is about Not yet sixteen (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

This is so open ended that it's awesome. I imagine a fetus in the womb and still an old man on his dying bed being the speaker in this poem. The title itself suggest either a birthday or a day of passing to me.

Comment is about APRIL 14 1912 (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Beautiful poem
If you don't mind me saying it first seemed like it was written from the perspective of a young child (Mom sets all the rules) but then at the end the perspective change to that of an adult who moved out (miles apart) and is giving mom well deserved props.
However, the line " Even she scolds and yells at me" seems to needs editing

Comment is about Mom (blog)

Original item by Preeta Sanjith

thanks martin. i actually first learnt/became fascinated by the water thing after reading a 'calvin and hobbes' comic strip about calvin, the little boy, drinking one too many glasses of water and becoming a puddle. i'll try and find a link...

http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1987/03/01

there we go.

Comment is about i will ruin everything eventually (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

for me this is just one fabulous poem. I agree with Stu in that it would be good to hear it read out loud.
'Breathing the fog that covers my mouth like a mask'
marvellous

Comment is about cataclysm and containment--Stage 1 (blog)

Original item by nunya

That last line ' and now I fall' seems to sum up the whole of what you have written so well
Nice one

Comment is about Keys (blog)

Original item by Zane

Marvellous stuff Stu. I like the whole scenario around people being made up of water with that fab line starting
'A vast ocean of lost dreams'
Nice on

Comment is about i will ruin everything eventually (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

superbly said in just three lines. Nice one Hazel

Comment is about Little me Big me (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

I have to agree with what has already been said here Paul , a stunning yet simple poem, well delivered, just emphasising what actually is News?

Comment is about The News (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

Love the line 'take me from this pool this Manger of death'
You seem to have captured the flavour of what you have written here not only in the words but they way you deliver them. Nice one Ray

Comment is about APRIL 14 1912 (blog)

Original item by ray pool

This reminds me of an article I read probably over a decade ago on the non-existence of time...that our sense of past and future are illusory because each perceived moment is as a still-frame that has always existed and will always exist. The ideas seemed poetic and beautiful, to me--awe-inspiring, really.

I found this about the ideas of the same physicist, Julian Barbour...

http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-09/book-excerpt-there-no-such-thing-time

'"Think of the integers," he explains. "Every integer exists simultaneously. But some of the integers are linked in structures, like the set of all primes or the numbers you get from the Fibonacci series." The number 3 does not occur in the past of the number 5, just as the Now of the cat jumping off the table does not occur in the past of the Now wherein the cat lands on the floor.'

A good contemplative piece you present...

elP

Comment is about These Wooden Boots (blog)

Original item by Ronald Hoffman

Let me know if you find them. I guess they don't do social media.

Comment is about Where are the wise ones? (blog)

Original item by Wonderer

Thanks for getting back to me on that, Stu. I probably worry a little too much about semantics, truthfully. Though, I must admit that personal deliberation on the finer details is part of what draws me to writing. However, I can see where that kind of tweaking could make a piece very dry and dull. So, yes, I agree--the flow is ultimately what keeps the reader. You make a great point about the pace. It's such an odd thing that a writer's choice of words can have such a profound effect on the subconscious that tempo becomes innate to a piece.

I've never performed live. It sounds like fun and might even be good therapy to help get rid of self-consciousness. I remember getting performance anxiety so terrible once that my eyeballs were shaking--literally. I can laugh about it now, but I don't want to feel that sensation EVER again. Anyhow, it would have to get easier the more you do it--performing pieces aloud, I mean. Watching a performance would probably be a good start for me.

elP

Comment is about cataclysm and containment--Stage 1 (blog)

Original item by nunya

Rose, thank you, what a touching compliment. I've only been posting here for just over two weeks and I'm incredibly happy to be part of so many interesting, creative and inspiring kindred spirits. There are so many people on here encouraging each other's work and sharing humour too, as you and several others do. If I was 40 years younger I wouldn't hesitate to to say, "big up yourselves"!!

Hazel, thank you, short and sweet, and on the money.

Paul

Comment is about The News (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

I think about this all the time.

Comment is about Where are the wise ones? (blog)

Original item by Wonderer

I know I know I know
The shock of the new

Comment is about The News (blog)

Original item by Paul Waring

amen (and love) to that Juan!






Rose ?

Comment is about Write Impact (blog)

Original item by Juan Pablo Lynch