Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

JOURNEY THROUGH THE STARS

One star seemed to separate itself

a traveller,

silver sheath at light speed

a mote,

and as if hanging

cast a swathe of itself

as the old Earth came into view

and its front slid back

became an eye.

Once there had been a moon, tides

a sun's rays,

life

now there were other contenders.

 

The arid Earth had turned its back

seeking a new master,

weary in death,

Mountain ranges, valleys grey and forlorn

stippled a uniformity of umber sky.

 

Information collected

the eye began to close

the bullet ship passing on

with no second glance

no thoughts of its own.  

◄ WORLD OF PLASTIC

AND THEN WAS THE WINTER ►

Comments

Profile image

raypool

Sun 8th Jan 2017 16:29

Suki - thanks for the suggestion , that for me would be tricky but its a lovely idea !!

Ray

Profile image

suki spangles

Sun 8th Jan 2017 14:57

Sing this with some wah-wah guitar and bleepy electronic sounds and release it as a single!

Profile image

raypool

Tue 3rd Jan 2017 20:05

Lovely uplifting comment Colin! I have a Ray Bradbury collection too; I love The Illustrated Man and The Long Rain. I'm old enough to remember Journey into Space on radio! I would like to share a spaceship with you, as Williams Fortesque.

Harry Thank you for your encouraging observations. I'm glad you identified with the indifference. The five line stanzas just came out that way to be honest.

Thanks elP. Let's hope this is in the long future after the next Messiah presumably.

Cheers Jeff That experiment is a bit confusing for the uninitiated but once tried is there any other way?
All things are possible but first must be conceived in the mind. (?!) Ray

Profile image

Jeff

Tue 3rd Jan 2017 07:06

Great lines - The arid Earth had turned its back
seeking a new master - I like Sci-Fi but science fact is far more bizarre, & even if you don't believe it, its true. Take a look at Young's double slit experiment...Jeff...

elPintor

Tue 3rd Jan 2017 00:52

Sleepers in the cosmos? That last verse wraps it all up quite well for me--pre-programmed..mission accomplished.

Very enjoyable.

elP

Profile image

Harry O'Neill

Mon 2nd Jan 2017 22:06

Ray,
I think that the next four lines after `ray` would perhaps make a good stanza (of how the earth was) sort
of balancing the next five line stanza (of how it is)

The last five are a good example of the `indifference` which so aptly often finishes this kind of poem.

well executed.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Mon 2nd Jan 2017 20:49

sometimes I think we are on the same spaceship Ray. I love this and it makes me want to grab my old tattered Ray Bradbury's and get lost in other dimensions.

Sc-fi is a great lure away from the normality of our mundane day to days although I can't profess to be an ardent reader of the genre.

All the best fellow Earthling.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message