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cptsd (Remove filter)

I'm cursed.

I'm cursed.

Imprisoned inside my own head.

Endless loops of excessive or inadequate.

The overwhelming depth of darkness poisons me;

And I'm consumed by voices that scream for release;

the intoxicating craving for peace.

Until I overdose on overthinking,

Yet so tortured by this terrifying emptiness,

That I am just too numb to fear that fear.

I am simply a shell of a girl ...

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My own storm.

I'm sat at the cliff,

Black clouds hold threat over me;

Fog that smothers my vision;

Obscures my perceptions.

Deafened by the dark waves,

Crushing and punishing the soft clay.

My desperate screams mimicked and echoed;

By winds that wrap me up,

Trap me in this silent storm,

I'll squint through the shadows,

Search for the sun they all bathe in.

But my fingernails fil...

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I'd smile

And I hate that when I find a lump under my skin,

How I hope that some stupid cells dividing too much,

Cause a fight that leaves me in a grave.

And how they'd still remember me a fighter as I smiled throughout the losing battle.

But I'm smiling because they will not blame me when I lose this one.

I've spent years apologising for things that I cannot control,

Because it is not can...

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